Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 7 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 21 years ago by
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My best friend is gay and has been doing cocaine and ecstasy for at least eight years (he’s in his 30s). He gets very edgy and forgetful, and its ruining our friendship. How can I tell him that I’m concerned about him without pushing him away further? Do some gay men do drugs to avoid dealing with their homosexuality? I’m afraid I lost my friend to ‘the scene’ and that I won’t get him back. Any advice on how I can help him or at least deal with his mood swings?
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Name : Cathy32445, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 30, City : Dallas, State : TX, Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I was in a similar situation with a gay friend who had moved to a city with lots of cool dance clubs where everyone seemed to be doing ecstacy and cocaine. He was soon addicted and his life appeared to be spiraling out of control. I think that ecstasy and drug use has really hit gay dance clubs and scenes. My friend started with ecstasy, which seemed harmless but then it escalated into cocaine and other addictive drugs. Plus, many of his new friends were using these drugs. The best possible scenario would be for your friend to get professional help – counseling. Cocaine is highly addictive and it can be difficult for some people to stop using. My friend eventually sought general counseling (not drug specific) to help him deal with depression and getting his life back under control. A counselor is trained to give a person advice as to where to seek drug addiction treatment too. My friend is manic depressive and had been very depressed over the loss of a loved one and loneliness from relocating to a new city. He later told me that he didn’t realize how depressed he was until he starting seeing a counselor. There is a still a stigma about seeking counseling and lots of people resist it. To the extent that you can make it clear that you think counseling is a good thing that many people benefit from, this might help. If you have access to a counselor, you might want to consider talking to someone yourself to get some prof. advice. With my friend, I recognized that there were times when it was not productive to have these conversations about his drug use – i.e., when he was being unbearably touchy, defensive, cranky and manic. It was during the down times when he was in total dispair, willing to accept at least the possibility that he needed to make some changes that I would gently talk to him about seeing a counselor. Most of his new friends were drug users but he had one new friend who he revealed was also concerned about his drug abuse. I encouraged him to not shut her out. I always tried to made it clear that I loved him and was concerned about his health and the negative consequences and potential danger of his drug binges and addition. I made it clear that I would still be his friend even if he kept using but that, of course, I preferred him to stop because I was worried. I never facilitated his drug use. It’s a difficult situation. Good luck.
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Name : Marie22250, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 34, City : Ames, State : IA, Country : United States, Occupation : Nontrad College Student, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,Cathy, Are you and your so called friend really friends?? You have to realize that once someone gets a drug addiction they aren’t the person you knew before that time, it’s the drug effects you are dealing with not your friend. If the person your dealing with is putting a strain on you then you have to distance yourseif until the person wants help by first admitting to the addiction then seek your help and advice then be truthful.
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Name : jbjones31128, City : tullahassee, State : OK, Country : United States,Some gay people may be so terribly uncomfortable with their sexuality that they resort to drugs and/or alcohol to hide from it. However, this usually isn’t the case. Having several friends, many of which are in their late 20’s and early 30’s who have been addicted and then come clean from several drugs, I’ve noticed that their reasons are usually something along the lines of ‘It was there, I was getting in the mood and just fitting in.’ Basically, even when people are adults they are just as vulnerable to peer pressure. Drugs are made to be addictive, so when someone gets a taste, they get hooked. I activly participate in the scene, including the clubs and various other hang-outs, and have yet to do a drug in my life. What you need to do is talk to your friend. Express to him your fear about his life and health. Basically an intervention where you can hopefully convince him to seek help. Major drugs are much more diffucult to kick than anything else.
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Name : Erick L., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Wiccan, Age : 19, City : Houston, State : TX, Country : United States, Occupation : Comptuter Programmer & Makeup artist, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class,Your friend is abusing drugs. There is every possibility that he is addicted, owing to the mood swings and erratic behavior. Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do to save him – he must want to stop the drugs himself. You are functioning as an ‘enabler’, a term from Alcoholics Anonymous that describes those people willing to excuse or overlook excessive behavior for the benefit of the ‘relationship’. You’re hurting yourself by doing it. The best thing that you can do is tell him you won’t put up with his behavior and stop seeing him. Once clean, you may continue the relationship when he realizes how abusive he was to you with his behavior. And you can offer all the loving support during his drying out process. But if he continues to use, you must be strong and end the friendship. Its the only way you’ll stay sane. I know what I’m talking about. I used to be addicted to crystal meth and am 5 years clean now because my family and friends did this for me and I woke up to the damage I was doing to myself and others.
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Name : Douglas25677, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : New Age/Metaphysical, Age : 38, City : Phoenix, State : AZ, Country : United States, Occupation : Administrator, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I can’t believe I overlooked this question. I was addicted to Crystal Meth for about 2 years, and have been clean for 6. Drug abuse is an attempt to escape…escape what is up to the abuser to decide. I was very depressed over the loss of a job, and my occaisional weekend recreational drug use moved to a full-time 24/7 high. Most people who do drugs on a regular basis are ‘functional abusers’ – they hold down a job, pay bills, etc. This can and often does spiral out of control and result in the behaviors you’ve described. Unfortunately, you can’t do anything for your friend except urge him into counselling. For your own sanity you might want to distance youself from him to avoid witnessing his decline and spare yourself the heartache (and rage if you try to interfere with his high). He may need to hit rock bottom in order to see what a mess he’s made of his life, and there’s nothing you can do to force that realization on him sooner.
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Name : D31842, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : New Age/Metaphysical, Age : 38, City : Phoenix, State : AZ, Country : United States, Occupation : Administrator, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,You need to know why he is doing this. Its probably because he’s not finding the right one for him and he don’t know what else to do.Relationships can drive people crazy and that’s for straight’s and non-straight’s.With you accepting him for who he is,yall will still be friends.
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Name : Christ to da Mist, City : detroit, State : MI, Country : United States,Drugs have really harmed the gay culture inthe last few years, particularly crystal methamphetamine. You are right, there are *tons* of reasons to do drugs, from running awat from problems, and addictive personality, or just an interest in experimenting. But there are lots of circuit parties and ‘PNP’ (party and play) groups that encourage the behavior, too. Good luck helping your friend… NarAnon is a good reference. Keep yourself healthy and sane too, before you can help your friend.
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Name : Patrick Kellogg, Gender : Male, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 35, City : Denver, State : CO, Country : United States, Occupation : Self-unemployed, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,
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