Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 7 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 19 years, 1 month ago by
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I’ve had some Japanese penpals, and a weird thing has happened: they answer my emails and say they’d like to start writing emails with me and everything seems to be fine. But then, after two or three emails, they just stop writing to me. I’ve been as polite as possible, trying to avoid too-personal questions, and still this happens every time. I cannot understand what I’m doing wrong. I’m interested in Japan and its culture, and I’d like to have Japanese friends, but it seems to be awfully hard to keep one. I’ve read that this thing has happened to lots of people. Can someone tell me why the Japanese seem to stop writing after a couple of emails? Or is it just me being too boring?
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Name : Ella, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 19, City : Kotka, State : NA, Country : Finland, Occupation : Student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Lower middle class,The way I see it, when people act rudely like this, there’s probably something wrong with them, not with you. Where, exactly, have you read that this happens to a lot of people? I doubt all the Japanese people one day got together and decided to lead pen pals on and then suddenly stop writing to them out of nowhere. You’re probably getting teen penpals, and as we all know, a lot of us teens tend to get bored with things quickly. I also see that you tried to be very polite with them. In my opinion, you should just try to be yourself. People will most likely respond better to you when you are sincere and honest and reveal yourself the way you truly are.
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Name : Andromeda, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Religion : Agnostic, Age : 17, City : Washington, State : DC, Country : United Kingdom, Occupation : Student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class,I’m Asian, and I’ve been doing the same thing to others as your Japanese friend has. But along the way, I’ve learned many new things about making friends who are distant, physically and mentally. Because these are penpals, in other words, acquaintances, they don’t consider you a close friend yet, and writing is probably taking up their time. Don’t blame your friends; for all we know they could be doing other stuff that interests them more than your e-mails. If you really want to exchange conversation, don’t get upset; send e-mail every week and tell him or her about your week or your day in school. Don’t get frustrated if they don’t respond sooner than you expected. I’ll guarantee they will respond, and they’ll be glad you wrote those letters just for them.
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Name : Anonymous, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Asian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 15, City : Arlington, State : MA, Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Lower middle class,You probably are to boring. People don’t just stop writing for no reason. It may also be hard for them to continue with the price of the service. Japanese people work very hard and don’t have the amount of money we have. Another thing may be that you are not writing like you are supposed to eithr. Maybe with to long of a period between letters. Think abou that. Its probably not just Japanese people either.
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Name : Azie, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Mixed with lots of stuff, Religion : Jehovahs Witness, Age : 17, City : Fontana, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class,I used to teach English in Japan for two years and was very immersed in the culture and it’s people. I would say that many of the Japanese people who have penpals really want them, but their English level is very low on average. So when they run out of things to say, they can become embarrased and won’t even try to continue a relationship with you. Because the difficulties with English are a wall to many of them. This of course may not be true all the time, but I did email exchanges at my schools while I was there, and that type of attitude was evident. peace
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Name : Dudley, Gender : M, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Muslim, Age : 25, City : Lancaster, State : CA, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,In my opinion, language plays a greater factor than anything else. In most cases, Japanese who seek penpals are looking for English practice with native speakers. Although their English may look wonderful in the first few messages it doesn`t really mean that they are competent speakers/readers. In my experience, most messages from English speakers are read with dictionary in hand – usually taking about an hour to comprehend. Then comes writing a reply. Even if the comprehension level is high, I don`t know many Japanese people who have enough confidence in their English to actually write off a reply without double checking every word. No one wants to make mistakes. All in all, it usually ends up taking a huge amount of time and effort to keep replying. It`s easier just to stop writing than to explain the reasons.
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Name : Krista Yabe, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 23, City : Nagoya, State : NA, Country : Japan, Occupation : Housewife, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I’ve had this experience too. My girlfriend, who is Japanese, said that it’s quite common in Japan to simply break off relations with an acquaintance or even a friend, if things aren’t working out. Especially if your penpals are younger, they may be too busy to write emails. Keep in mind that (I assume) you’re writing in English, and it’s going to take a long time for your Japanese penpals to write a letter–one girl I wrote (and still write) to said it took her three hours to reply to my emails! My advice would be to keep trying, and to start learning Japanese if you’re serious about having contact with Japanese people. If you can write and read even a little Japanese, you can keep things more even. When I first started talking with Japanese penpals, I always felt guilty that they’d spend so much time writing an email, and I could whip one off in a few minutes … so, I often offered to correct their English or teach some slang, which people really appreciated. Other than that, just find common interests and run with it! Breaking off relations so cleanly is part of Japanese culture and society … but you have to understand, there’re no real hard feelings involved. Keep trying, I’m sure you’ll find some great friends ^^
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Name : Ben23358, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Buddhist, City : Nelson, State : NA, Country : New Zealand,
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