Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 16 replies, 16 voices, and was last updated 20 years, 10 months ago by
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I am a late-20s Asian male professional in Chicago. I notice that when Asian men express their sexuality to Caucasian women (i.e. flirt, jog shirtless, make eye contact or otherwise express interest), it makes Caucasian women uncomfortable, which is exhibited in their body language and facial expressions. I realize that some Caucasian women are not this way, but my question is directed to those who have this ‘problem.’ Why are so many Caucasian women uncomfortable with an Asian male who has a sexual identity?
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Name : David, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Asian-American, Age : 27, City : Chicago, State : IL, Country : United States, Occupation : Law Clerk, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Jordan, I respect your views, but with all due respect, your theory is invalid in the real world. You’re assuming that white females approach Asian men but are put off by them; i.e. are not ‘given a chance’ by Asian men. You’re looking at the symptom, not the cause. [start italics] Indeed, the reason why Asian men seem so unapproachable is specifically because we’ve been treated so badly, by women, by the media, even by friends. [end italics] So it is very frustrating when people turn the tables on us by saying that it is our fault. Let us not forget that there are still many negative stereotypes out there about Asian men. Let us also not forget that white women often reject dating offers initiated by Asian men. You cannot seriously argue that those problems are caused by Asian male disinterest. If you can list a number of Asian male/white female couples you know in the Midwest, you can substantiate your opinion. Until then, I have to agree with David.
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Name : Tom24084, Gender : M, Race : Asian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 35, City : Indianapolis, State : IN, Country : United States, Occupation : Ironworker, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Middle class,I don’t perfectly fit your description of the Caucasian woman uncomfortable with your sexuality, but I have a related comment. I am half Asian and half Caucasian and grew up mostly identifying with Caucasian, maybe because the Asian culture was not really taught or emphasized in my upbringing. I hardly recognized any differences in myself from other whites. Later in life (after identifying better with my Asian side), I noticed how attracting Asian men was not even an option. I feel Asian men only pay attention to the 100 percent Asian woman who fits the ideal of Asian beauty. Now married to a black man, I still can’t fathom an Asian man giving women a chance who do not fit the description above. Perhaps this is why you get reactions that white women are uncomfortable. Perhaps they are baffled at your interest.
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Name : Jordan, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Asian and Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 25, City : Wheeling, State : IL, Country : United States, Occupation : Editor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I admit that I couldn’t see myself in a serious relationship with an Asian male or female. That is not meant to be offensive; it’s just that I like to have as much as possible in common. I can’t understand why masculine males and feminine females want to be together, either. I haven’t found that opposites attract.
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Name : Priscilla30252, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 23, City : Sydney, State : NA, Country : Australia, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I can’t speak for all females, but I do not find Asian men sexually attractive and can understand the ‘recoil’ factor. Why don’t I find them attractive? I don’t know if I can answer that thoroughly, but I will try:
Many women, including myself, are not generally attracted to men who are shorter than themselves, or less imposing physically, and many Asian men are short and slender. Is it because I was raised with the image of masculine white men in all the romantic leads? I am sure that has a lot to do with it. I am 32, and there were no romantic Asian male leads in any movie or TV show I can recall growing up. The only Asians on TV that I can recall growing up were in Barney Miller and M*A*S*H. Unfortunately, as I was raised in the white enclave of Marin County, the only time I encountered Asian men growing up was in San Francisco’s Chinatown, and I have to say that Chinese men of a certain age have an herbal odor that is really unpleasant. This does not boost sex appeal. It is only as an adult that I have noticed Asian actors in the media playing romantic leads. Brandon Lee was handsome, and Chow Yun Fat is very attractive, and still, I don’t have the same reaction that I do to Brad Pitt or George Clooney. Then, of course, there are those reports that Asian men are not well-endowed. For about four years, I worked as a stripper. We had many Japanese businessmen as customers. When you lapdance, or do private shows behind glass while the customer ‘takes matters into his own hands’ so to speak, you cannot help but either feel or see his ‘dimensions.’ And without exception, they were, in fact, not well-endowed. Sometimes so not-endowed that we felt sorry for them. In Japan, they have different sizes of condoms, and the smallest would literally fit snugly over your index finger. They make them this size because some guys need them. The ‘myth’ of the black man is that they are animalistically sexual, massively endowed sexual beings. The ‘myth’ of the Asian man is that they all majored in business and have pocket protectors. So these are some reasons, perhaps, why some women are uncomfortable with Asian men expressing their sexuality. The fact is that some or many Caucasian women don’t have a positive impression of Asian men’s sexuality.
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Name : Janna, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 32, City : San Rafael, State : CA, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Despite living in this ‘progressive’ era and country, attitudes toward some types of interracial alliances are very primitive – thanks in most ways to the mainstream media that promotes and glamorizes only selective forms of interracial dating while subtly mocking and ‘taboo-izing’ others. The media and Hollywood romanticizes the white male/Asian or black female (more recently) couple and ‘taboo-izes’ the white female/colored male alliance. Even if a white female/colored male couple were shown, there are strong hints of disapproval toward it. Moreover, the Asian man is portrayed as an undesirable mate/friend by the media; someone who is not romantic, sensitive, masculine, sophisticated, etc. It is this type of idea that most women buy into, and therefore they are uncomfortable being seen socializing with an Asian man. They fear being looked down upon by the rest of the crowd. Be alone in conversation with such white women and they are just fine, but be in a social/public setting and they’d rather not be seen with you. This in part explains the discomfort. I have had very similar experiences.
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Name : Portchatter, Gender : M, Race : Asian, Age : 30, City : Birmingham, State : AL, Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,I don’t have such a problem (my spouse is Asian, so it would be odd if I did), but I can pass along something I’ve heard other white women say: Twice I have had white female acquaintances complain about having conversations with Asian men who then asked them out on dates. Their complaint was that they had been enjoying speaking comfortably with a man in a nonsexualized context, which he ‘ruined.’ My take on this is that because Asian men are desexualized in popular stereotype, some white women enjoy socializing with them for the novelty of a platonic (in their minds) interaction with a man.
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Name : Carrie, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, City : Milwaukee, State : WI, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I hope I didn’t say ‘No Asians for me’! I don’t remember typing that. Unless I was extremely drunk. I was shocked when I read it. I apologise to anyone who was offended.
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Name : Priscilla30259, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 23, City : Sydney, State : NA, Country : Australia, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,After reading the responses, I want to say that I think it is a shame that some white women react this way to Asian men. Can social stereotypes and media really have such a powerful effect that a race of men are totally desexualized? That’s dehumanization, isn’t it? Isn’t that subtle racism?
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Name : Simon, Gender : M, Race : Asian, Age : 22, City : Irvine, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Electrical Engineer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I think that it is the opposite in the media. I have seen white women with all colors of males(especially black and latino), but I can count on one of my hands the number of movies an tv shows that have had a white man with someone other than a white woman or an asian woman.On the other hand I have only seen two movies with an asian man in the romantic lead.
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Name : Misty-K20512, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 22, City : Knoxville, State : TN, Country : United States, Occupation : Student/office gopher, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,I’m afraid it’s not so subtle – the racism, that is. American culture is ignorant, if not just plain stupid, and I can’t believe how much it buys into the stereotypes about Asians (Asian males in particular). Even those of us Asian guys raised as Americans cannot escape these largely held (and sadly archaic) preconceived notions. As far as dating goes, I like all kinds of women, and yes, I am particularly attracted to white women (being raised in a white family in a white town). If this weren’t the case, I wouldn’t waste my time, because let’s face it: if you ask 100 white women what their ‘ideal’ man looks like, chances are he’s not an Asian.
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Name : Bassboy75, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Asian, Religion : Lutheran, Age : 26, City : Milwaukee, State : WI, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Many women are uncomfortable with any man expressing his sexuality…not just Asian men. It helps to form a friendship before moving in another direction. Before I met my fiance, I never thought of dating anyone from another race. It had nothing to do with prejudice. It simply never occurred to me. I am now engaged to a much younger, Japanese man. He’s everything I ever dreamed of and more. He’s one of the most passionate, thoughtful, loving, and respectful people I have ever met. There are many Asian man/Caucasian woman couples in the Bay Area.
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Name : Belinda, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Buddhist, Age : 38, City : San Francisco, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Mgmt, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I have to argue here. Asian men do and can prefer white women, it just depends on who they are or what their preference is. For example, I am white and am engaged to an Asian man. Also, I know many Asian men who are dating white women, are in love with white women or prefer them. All of the women are also very much in love with the Asian men they are with. So stereotypes don’t always work.
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Name : Crystal, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, City : Los Angeles, State : CA, Country : United States,On October 16, 2000, I posted the original question for this topic. Now, almost 2 years later, I’m back, and guess what? I’m getting married! Juliet and I are very much in love, and our wedding is August 31, 2002. Life, in its up-and-downs and cycles, is a strange, fascinating thing… By the way, she is a ‘white girl’ and is more comfortable with me than I am sometimes with myself. I love her more than anything. Good luck everyone. There is happiness out there.
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Name : David, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Asian-American, Age : 27, City : Chicago, State : IL, Country : United States, Occupation : Law Clerk, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I am a 20 year old Asian American college student originally from the Bay Area. I grew up in a culturally diverse atmosphere and although I’ve seen only a few Asian men dating white women, I still think change is on the horizon. I mean in all honesty I would be more confident in saying so if Asian Men weren’t portrayed so negatively in popular Media. Yet there are still signs that point to a further general acceptance of Asian males, as datable MEN and not as poorly sexually equipped, computer programming foreigners. At least as far as cosmopolitan areas are concerned, there is a higher level of acceptance, within younger social circles. However, I still feel that even though there are other Asian males dating outside of their race, we are not, on the whole, desired by any other race’s women. I’m sure many others feel the same way.
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Name : Thor, Gender : M, Race : Asian, Religion : Buddhist, Age : 20, City : San Diego, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,
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