Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 28 replies, 29 voices, and was last updated 23 years, 3 months ago by
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My daughter is in the U.S. Air Force. She has been intimidated by two black women on a daily basis. One of them gets in the chow line and lets other blacks in. My daughter took offense to this and told her it was not right. The black woman told her, ‘I’m from L.A., you better shut your ass up or I’ll whip you right here.’ She has a black roommate. Her roommate has black friends in the room all hours of the day and night. They play rap music. If she is studying and asks them to turn it down, they tell her to shut her mouth. Her roommate turns the lights out when my daughter is in the middle of something, and warns her not to turn them back on. Also, she will come in in the wee hours of the morning with her friends and bang around and flip the lights on. Again, if my daughter complains, they get really nasty and tell her to shut her mouth. They sit on her bed. The ‘higher-ups’ ignore the situation. She has called home in tears several times. Every day, it is some form if intimidation. Yesterday she told me she is the one who has to keep the room clean. Her black roommate told her, ‘I ain’t moppin’ no damn floor.’ She is now totally miserable. As I said, the ‘higher-ups’ ignore the situation. She is about ready to go AWOL. There HAS to be a solution. Comments?
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Name : Joseph, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 44, City : Millville, State : OH, Country : United States, Occupation : Firefighter/paramedic, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class,I gave your question some more thought and instead of fighting the girls, she should file a grievance against her chain of command. Chances are that even though her immediate higher-ups are ignoring her, their boss – the Commanding Officer (CO) – has no idea of what’s been going on. The grievance she files will make them take action because if the CO does find out that they have done nothing for her, then I guess you can say that the sh*t will roll downhill.
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Name : Christi, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Methodist, Age : 21, City : San Diego, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : U.S. Navy, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class,I think it’s ridiculous that your daughter’s superiors won’t help her. I wonder what their excuse is. What do they expect her to do? Do they consider this some kind of ‘toughening up’ exercise, whereby she’ll either stand up for herself and risk a violent altercation, or just ‘suck it up’? There’s got to be something that can be done. Go to the military site at About.com. If you can’t find advice among the articles, you should be able to find some on the message boards, which is frequented by mostly millitary personnel, many of them seasoned. I’m sorry this is happening to her. I hope you find a solution.
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Name : Jennifer31056, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 31, City : St. Paul, State : MN, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,What your daughter has to deal with are jerks who happen to be blacks who are bullying her. The ugly tone coming through your question is that you always find blacks threatening. You may have passed this attitude onto your daughter, and that may be part of what is fueling her problems. Their ethnicity has zero to do with anything, and I wonder why either you or her would think it does. They seem to be (or pretend to be) from a tougher upbringing than your daughter and take advantage of that fact to intimidate her. Sorry, but I have to wonder if someone who breaks down crying over this even belongs in the military. I had problems with jerks of all backgrounds while in the Army, redneck whites, blacks who were ex-gang members, and sheltered suburban white kids as well. But I found far less racism in the military than outside it. (After all, it’s the only place in America where blacks routinely give orders to whites. Corporate America can’t make that claim.) What your daughter needs to do is stand her ground, no matter what, even if it means the threat of a fight. Every single bully who gave me problems in the Army backed down and proved to be all talk. And frankly, what good is she to this country and the Air Force if she crumbles so easily?
Occasionally I would meet people who would hide behind their ethnicity as an excuse. This may be the case here, but you don’t really say that. The ones who can’t stand this more than anyone else are NCOs of the same background. Any Latino or Indian sergeant of mine always came down much harder on me when I screwed up than on someone black or white, because he did not like seeing us embarrassed as a people by one person’s screwups. The black sergeants I knew could not stand black enlisted men who caused problems, and they let them know it by coming down on them like a ton of bricks. The same thing should happen here. If not, there was always a toll-free hotline to report abuses and problems anonymously. Going AWOL is the worst thing she could do in this situation, but frankly if she can’t stand up for herself and handle this problem, I think the Air Force is better off without her.
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Name : ACC25042, Gender : M, Race : Mexican and American Indian, City : Phoenix, State : AZ, Country : United States, Occupation : Grad student, ex-Army,You should tell your daughter to stand up to these girls. She should be as firm and impersonal as her drill sergeant. She should not fear being called a racist for standing up for herself, because she certainly will be. In the end, she may gain their respect for not being a typically weak ‘white girl,’ at which time she can return the favor by telling them to go f**k themselves.
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Name : Nancy-C, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Methodist, City : Bethesda, State : MD, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Whether right or wrong, I think that as a whole, African Americans think of whites as being passive. So maybe these two females have that mentality. Has she tried to change rooms? And even if she changes her room, what’s to stop the intimidation? I don’t think this is a situation she can avoid; she must fight it out. She may win or lose, but she might have the satisfaction of knowing she stood up for herself.
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Name : Christi32024, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Methodist, Age : 21, City : San Diego, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : U.S. Navy, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class,It seems that your daughter’s problem is with rude individuals who just happen to be black. Rude individuals, as I’m sure you know, come in all shapes and colors. These people obviously act like people with no home-training, but it isn’t a ‘black’ thing. I would give her the same advice you would give anyone being bullied: tell somebody of authority. And if that doesn’t work, grow some balls and stick up for yourself. Without knowing the details of your daughter’s situation, it would be hard to come up with anything more specific. I’m sorry she’s having such a hard time.
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Name : Tish24625, Race : Black/African American, City : Newark, State : NJ, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,I am sorry your daughter is having such a hard time, but she needs to stand up for herself,and not let those ‘women’ push her around. My guess is that they see her as weak, and because she is white, they treat her like crap, even more so than if she was black and they thought she was weak. I know bullies like that, and you pretty much have to (literally or figuratively) ‘bust they heads ’til the white meat show’ to get them off your back. I hope her situation improves, and that she doesn’t go AWOL.
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Name : Senetra28028, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 28, City : Anderson, State : IN, Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College,Your daughter needs to learn to stand up for herself and call their bluff. As long as she allows others to push her around, they will. She will be looked at as weak and an easy target. She should document all the harassment (times, dates, actions, perpetrator) and go to her next in command with the complaint. Allow for a reasonable amount of time, and if no action occurs, she should go to that person and tell them that if the complaint is not resolved immediately she will go over his/her head. Then do it. Keep in mind that using this course of action could backfire and cause her more grief. She should absolutely not go AWOL.
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Name : Bill23243, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 43, City : Burlington, State : VT, Country : United States, Occupation : Finance, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,One of the things we all have to learn in becoming an adult is how to deal with difficult people and bullies. Every situation is different. I notice that you seem to put a lot of emphasis on the race of the people she isn’t getting along with. It leads me to believe that you are really concentrating on the wrong thing in the situation, as if there is an different solution for ‘dealing’ with Black people vs European, Asian, Latino,or Pacific Islanders. There is no single answer that is appropriate. I’m a bit curious as to how she has handled difficult people before in her life, this can’t possibly be the first time. I would hope that first of all she tries to talk with the main person involved: her roommate, preferably alone, in a way that isn’t filled with anger and recriminations, but gives them a chance to clear the air. If things really are as bad as you portray, then she needs to ask for reassignment or start formal harrassment proceduresif she is fearful for her safety. But, personally, it sounds to me mostly like this will be a growth experience for her, one that she shouldn’t shy away from because if she doesn’t deal with it know, she won’t ever learn to.
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Name : A-Adams, City : Los Angeles, State : CA, Country : United States,First off, make sure you daughter does not develop a dislike for black people based on these two jerks, who happen to be black. They come in all colors. Secondly, tell her to step back and take this for the lesson it is intended to be. She must learn to stand up and not be intimidated ‘by anyone’. If this was a war and they were the enemy would she let them beat her psychologically? Hell no. And you can bet her higher ups are watching to see how this air force cadet handles this situation because they know she will deal with worse than this in war time. This is really a training ground for her to develop a tough skin. I had a manager who decided that I would be her place to vent her anger in life. Well, I was like your daughter until my mom said pray about it. And I did. Follow me here. I than began to realize that this woman was a very unhappy person in her personal life and that it was not ‘ME’. It was her problems not me. Then, I began to be able to not let her bother me so much. In fact, I began to see the humor in it all and how silly she was being. The laughing helped her loose her wind because she saw that I was no longer afraid of her. Incidentally, God used me to change her life because when she was down I was the only one who had the heart to show compassion, though she did not deserve it from me, of all people. It changed her because she remembered how mean she was to me when I extended myself to her. cont’d on next post
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Name : Angela24946, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 29, City : Atl, State : GA, Country : United States, Occupation : mom, wife, writer, Education level : 2 Years of College,I would like to ask a question. The higher-ups what race/ sex are they?? There has to be someone( at least one person) that will side with your daughter. I am against bullying of any kind and i am not an advocate of violence, but your daughter will have to stand up for her rights and her dignity. Since your daughter has tried the polite approach and it has not worked for her.. she has to use some kind of intimidation tactic to remedy the situation. Does she have friends in their camp?? or is she a loner?? Bully tend to harass loners who do not have friends to protect them. It is a shame your daughter is having a hard time.. I wish her all the beast
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Name : grace, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 24, City : Houston, State : TX, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,I am getting a feeling that your daughter is not telling you the whole story. She is making this into a black and white issue, when really this is about your daughter not being able to stand up for herself. Tell her to get some backbone and tell these girls to basically go to hell.
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Name : Jon27106, Gender : M, City : Windsor, Ontario, State : NA, Country : Australia,First, make sure you daughter does not develop a dislike for black people based on these two jerks, who happen to be black. They come in all colors. Second, tell her to step back and take this for the lesson it is intended to be. She must learn to stand up and not be intimidated by anyone. If this were a war and they were the enemy, would she let them beat her psychologically? Hell no. And you can bet her higher-ups are watching to see how this Air Force cadet handles this situation because they know she will deal with worse than this in war time. This is really a training ground for her to develop a tough skin. I had a manager who decided that I would be the person to whom she would vent her anger in life. Well, I was like your daughter until my mom said pray about it. And I did. I began to realize that this woman was a very unhappy person in her personal life and that it was not about me. It was her problem, not mine. Then I began to be able to not let her bother me so much. In fact, I began to see the humor in it all and how silly she was being. The laughing helped her lose her wind because she saw I was no longer afraid of her. Incidentally, God used me to change her life, because when she was down I was the only one who had the heart to show compassion, though she did not deserve it from me, of all people. It changed her because she remembered how mean she was to me when I extended myself to her.
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Name : Angela24945, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 29, City : Atlanta, State : GA, Country : United States, Occupation : mom, wife, writer, Education level : 2 Years of College,I can understand your complaint, but when I read it again, I was really wondering why you would include their color/race. If your daughter was being bothered by other white girls, would you have typed your complaint here? What is the point of bringing up their color? You may not realize the racist undercurrents of your letter, but they are there. Racists whites can dish it out but cant take it once the tables are turned. Ever heard of the term ‘you reap what you sow?’ Well, Whites have pushed every other race on this planet around for hundreds of years, and while I do not condone what these girls are doing to your daughter, America is racist and blood-soaked in racial wrongs done by whites. Now your family tastes a CRUMB of what people of color have sufferred for most if not all of their lives. My father told me how racist the military was and still is, so tell your kid to grow up and deal with it. She has to live in this world with the rest of the majority: the Black, Brown, Yellow and Red people of this earth! Maybe if your daughter had black friends when she was smaller, she would have better ideas on how to confront this situation. Has she tried to confront just the one roommate alone and seriously talk to her…or does her BLACK SKIN scare your daughter too much to even try? In any case, she must fight this battle alone, and if you didnt prepare her for dealing with bullies or she grew up the pretty white princess whom everyone admired or kissed her butt, then you are partly to blame for her inability to stick up for herself! Welcome to the real world… ‘And the sins of the fathers were passed down to the sons of the fathers…’
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Name : Angela, Gender : M, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 30, City : Washington, State : DC, Country : United States, Occupation : writer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
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