Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 14 replies, 15 voices, and was last updated 20 years ago by
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Why do a lot of black girls have such angry and violent attitudes? I’m a 22-year-old black female who grew up in predominately white, middl-class neighborhoods. The white girls I’ve met have for the most part been warm, friendly and open people. They have always been very nice to me and were usually the first to befriend me whenever I moved to a new school. But whenever I try to be nice and friendly toward black girls, I get nothing but a bunch of bad attitude thrown in my face. They’re always rolling their eyes at me and making snide remarks. I’ve had several black girls who wanted to fight me for no reason at all! I don’t seem to have this problem with any other race. I’m at a point where I really don’t want anything to do with black women outside of my family, and I really don’t want to feel this way toward my own race. I’ve tried to take an honest look at myself to see what I may be doing wrong, but I can’t come up with anything. Does anyone have any insight into this?
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Name : Renee30142, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : African Methodist Episcopalian, Age : 22, City : Detroit, State : MI, Country : United States, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Middle class,You seem like the type who has never really been exposed to her own people. Therefore, you probably act stuck-up. If you approach another black woman with respect, she won’t jump up and bite your head off. But if you walk around high-strung and arrogant, you can expect problems.
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Name : Mike, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 15, City : New Bern, State : NC, Country : United States,Two reasons seem to stick out:
1. Living in this racist and sexist society, black females have to put up with both problems, and we shouldn’t take it too kindly. However, we cannot let hate consume us.
2. We were raised that way. Many black parents teach their children to be snotty; mine did. Did yours? Why were we raised that way? I don’t know.Regardless, it is hurting black females, not helping. We are in a society (especially in the workforce) in which competence and attitude mean almost everything, and often gender and race matters, also. As black females, we already have two strikes against us. We do not need a third (a bad attitude).
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Name : Sheila27953, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 19, City : St. Louis, State : MO, Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Renee, I wanted to offer an answer to refute that given by the first respondent. I do not agree that you have to have done something wrong to warrant the reactions you have experienced. Sure, maybe the women you’ve been in contact with have a different communication style than you do and are suspicious of any other way of communicating, but that doesn’t mean you are the one who has the problem. Try to take it with a grain of salt and attribute it to their upbringing, not their culture. I’m sure you’ve had to do that once or twice in your life, having been a black person in a mostly white community. There are plenty of black people who are polite, friendly, welcoming and warm. You just have to be selective about the places you go to make friends. It’s not an issue of your rejecting black people, because those women certainly don’t represent us. They can still be your color and not be your kind.
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Name : Jennifer R., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Humanist, Age : 29, City : Saint Paul, State : MN, Country : United States, Occupation : Writer/Student, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I GREW UP IN A SIMILAR SITUATION AS YOU DID. I WAS RAISED AROUND MOSTLY WHITE PEOPLE IN A SUBARB OF CALIFORNIA. AND I FOUD IT MORE DIFFICULT TO BE ACCEPTED BY YOUNG FEMALES OF MY OWN RACE THEN I DID OTHER RACES. I OWULD GET COMMENTS LIKE ..I DONT LIKE THE WAY U ACT..OR TALK. SOMETING IVE LEARNED THROUGH OUT THE YEARS IS THERE IS MORE WITHIN RACE DISCRIMINATION THEM BEWEEN ..SOCIAL ECONOMIC STATUS AND CLASSISM PLAY A MAJOR ROLE IN ACCEPTANCE TOO..IT WAS VERY HURTFUL I KNOW FOR ME GROWING UP AND FEELING NO TRUE CONNECTION WITH OTHER FEMALES MY OWN RACE, I DO INDENTIFY WITH A LOT OF WHAT U SAID..ITS NOT YU..YOU CANT HELP WHERE AND WHO YOU GREW UP WITH.
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Name : AMAYA, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 23, City : BAKERSFIELD, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : STUDENT, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,Your story sounds similar to mine. From the ages of 9 through 12, I lived with my family in a predominantly white neighborhood. Most of the white kids were cordial and accepting, and I experienced few incidents of racism from them. Nevertheless, I missed being among my own kind, as that experience taught me to appreciate my own ethnic background. Needless to say, I developed a very ‘proper’ accent and tastes in mostly everything ‘white.’
Well. When we moved into a predominantly black sector, and I began attending the local secondary schools, I was denigrated and excluded from the company of the in-crowd because they thought I was trying to act like a white girl. And to make matters worse, a couple of them even attempted to stir up a mess by slandering me. Still, I employed one good characteristic that I’d learned from most of my white former counterparts: either ignore their malicious comments or be diplomatic. That attitude either gained me a friend or repelled the enemy.
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Name : Denise, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Follower of Jesus, City : Houston, State : TX, Country : United States, Occupation : teacher/housewife, Education level : Technical School,Renee’, I’m in the same boat you are. I agree with your findings, and I’ve lived in several states across the United States. However, I’ve found that it depends on economical and social circles.
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Name : Kimberly C., Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Muslim, Age : 28, City : Austin, State : TX, Country : United States, Occupation : housewife, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I kind of understand what you’re going through. I grew up in California, which is pretty diverse. I had all types of friends: whites, Mexicans, Asians, Africans, but I barely had any black friends except for at church. Most of the black girls made fun of me at school. Of course, they were a lot more clear about the reason why, as opposed to your experience. Basically it was because they thought I was trying to be white, simply based on appearance, I think, because they never conversed with me. I guess this was because I didn’t dress like them or listen to certain types of music, and the people I hung out with made me appear that I wanted to be something that I was not – namely white. A lot of black people don’t like blacks trying to be white, and to them, I guess I was that type of person. So I completely understand your situation. But please don’t dismiss black women altogether. As someone said, there are a lot of friendly black women out there. I would wonder where you’re meeting these mean black women, because there is such a thing as ‘ghetto,’ and it has no restriction to color. But besides that, if another black woman confronts you in that way, find out why. And if it’s for the reason I mentioned, tell them you’re not that type of person. Sooner or later, just like me, you’ll come across black women who are not biased like that. But you have to not be biased, either. If you are, in the end, you’ll be the one at a loss.
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Name : Dominique, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Don't believe in religion, Age : 22, City : Washington, State : DC, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I don’t think it has anything to do with your race; it has to do with where you live. I live in Detroit, and trust me, it’s not a black girl thing, it’s a trash thing. Black, white, purple, it’s a tough place to live, and you adapt to it.
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Name : Stacie27929, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, City : Detroit, State : MI, Country : United States,Wow! I can’t believe what I’m hearing. ‘My parents taught me to be stuck up!’ That’s a laugh. Our parents taught us to be strong and not to submit or run in the face of ignorance or racism. That’s a whole lot different. As for the nasty attitudes, consider the source. Just as you have little insight into why their attitude is so bad, they have little insight into your personality as well. Armed with so little knowledge of you, how can they presume your attitude to be one of arrogance? Far too often, we blame our own bad behaviors on what other people have done to us, or at least what we think others have done to us. If these girls are unable or unwilling to get to know you for who and what you are, move on. There are too many good people in the world to get stuck on the ones who have lost their way.
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Name : Musicman, Gender : M, Race : Black/African American, Age : 38, City : Cleveland, State : OH, Country : United States, Occupation : Systems Analyst, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,In my opinion, many black people are just angry. i think a lot of black people are comfortable with anger as a self defense mechanism. Instead of lumping all black women into this category, why not see these women as Individuals who are insecure and fearful, as their actions reflect. Also, don’t stop seeking out black women as friends. Just as you would test the waters for a male you were interested in, test the waters with black female acquaintances. All of us are not attitudinal. And be selective and open minded. Perhaps, you are reaching out to the popular girl when there is a wall flower who truly wants to be your friend.
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Name : Maria22228, Race : Black/African American, City : atlanta, State : GA, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,I totally agree with you.Since I live in London now and comparing to Sweden there are more blacks and whenever I go to bars or clubs where they play sort of music I like,r&b and hip hop,and where most people are black,the way black women behave towards me is so rude. And believe me, I only go to these bars to have a dance – not to pick up ‘your guys’, as you black women call it.Also, there is nothing I can do if I seem to attract men-maybe it is my more relaxed attitude (or my blond hair!), but the point is i have done absolutely nothing to deserve that attitude I get from some girls. I hate to spent my night out being scared of some girls who threaten to beat me up without any reason.Unfortunately this kind of behaviour I get does not help me to like black women more and it is all because of your nasty attitude!!
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Name : Maria22230, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 24, City : Stockholm, State : NA, Country : Sweden, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I understand where you are coming from. I have always been befriended by white girls both times I went to a new college. I believe it is just our cultural differences. I love my black folk, but we as black women can work on being a little calmer and less hostile. Men are also differnt as well. At my school white boys always hold the door open if you are coming in behind them, but black guys usually don’t. What is up with that.
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Name : Davida Brown, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Pentecostal, Age : 28, City : Eufaula, State : AL, Country : United States, Occupation : Student/ Waitress, Social class : Lower middle class,What do you expect from those filthy ghetto b*tches? It’s very likely that those rude ghetto smuts were raised in disrespectful and disfunctional families. I have observed how those ghetto mothers raise their children, they yell profane words at them and are so vile in front of their children. That is what makes black women so disgusting. Hey, just do what i do yell disgusting sexist and racial sh*t at them as youre driving away. HEY THEY DESERVE IT IF THEY ARE BEING MEAN AND VIOLENT! ^_^
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Name : Ed, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Age : 18, City : Greensboro, State : FL, Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Girl what are you talking about. Us proud black african american women are not all angry and violent. Maybe they are towrads you because you dont know who you are. Assuming you might be a little fake. and thinking that your better. when you find out who you are and what it means to be a real BLACK WOMEN then maybe you’ll see. That was just ignorant.
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Name : lakisha, City : louisville, State : KY, Country : United States,
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