Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 10 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 20 years, 6 months ago by
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I have friends who self-identify as gay, but are married or partnered with someone of the opposite sex or enjoy fooling around heterosexually. I’m curious to hear from folks in similar situations: why identify as gay or lesbian instead of bisexual?
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Name : Lauren, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 25, City : Cambridge, State : MA, Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Every individual answer will be different, but I think these guidelines apply: First, there is controversy in some parts of the gay community over the legitimacy of the label ‘bisexual’. Some gays consider bi’s to be ‘fence-sitters’. Some people avoid the controversy by staying away from the bi label. Secondly, many people discover that their *primary* orientation is G/L *after* they’re married. A newer term floating around, ‘queer’, basically means ‘non-traditional / heterosexual’. It answers the labelling dilemma by avoiding it. I think it’s a good idea.
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Name : Twang, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, City : Seattle, State : WA, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,squonk dearie, its unfortunate that our wrld is still so messed-up being gay or lesbian seems to be more acceptable because more people are identifying with the concept. it still seems queer to say that you do both men and women you look even more derange because people will sem to understand if you just can stay in a simpe box. the harder it is for people to understand you it seems, the harder it is to categorise.
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Name : koko, City : johannesburg, State : GA, Country : South Africa,I’m not in that situation myself, but I think I can understand why a bisexual person might want to do that. From what I observe, homosexuality is the more ‘accepted’ form of ‘alternate lifestyles’. So, I guess to avoid being seen as even more ‘queer’ than the general homosexuals, they announce that they are one because they do have an attraction toward the same gender. I hope you understood that rambling.
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Name : L26186, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : Asian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 17, City : San Francisco, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Lower middle class,Sexuality isn’t really a three-part deal: you’re not just gay, straight or bi. Sexuality is a continuum, and only a tiny number of people are 100% gay or 100% straight. People who are mostly gay tend to identify themselves as gay, and people who are mostly straight tend to identify as straight, but really almost all of us are bi. Me, I identify as lesbian, but I’ve definitely had my crushes on men!
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Name : Karen A., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 37, City : Columbia, State : SC, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I’ve been having healthy, friendly, loving, romantic, playful, passionate sex with men and women for 34 years, which has been mutually gratifying for so many reasons other than involuntary hormonal arousal. Ironically, I do not consider myself to be bisexual, because the pure nature of my physical arousal is exclusively homosexual. But, to me, being ‘turned on’ depends on an attraction that transcends gender. Consequently, I am a lesbian who is happily married to the most wonderful person (and greatest lover) I’ve ever met, and he just happens to be a man.
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Name : Nemi, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 48, City : Philadelphia, State : PA, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,Hi, I’m thinking the reason is because bi people have such a poor reputation. I used to identify as solely lesbian and I am aware how negatively the lesbian community views bi women. They seem to think bi women are not serious, flaky, just in it for sex, etc. Since you identify as a bi woman, I’m sure you’ve encountered similar attitudes. Personally, I wonder if two bi people (male-male, female-female, female-male) can have a relationship at all. Assuming it’s a committed one, can they be happy? Is having an open relationship the only way to be happy? Anyway, maybe I helped in some way?
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Name : Ann, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 29, City : Evansville, State : IN, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I classify myself as gay, and have never had any serious sort of relationship with a woman. However, there is a small but distinct portion of the female population whom I find to be attractive. Technically, I suppose I would be bisexual. However, there is a certain stigma among gay men concerning bisexuality. Many of my friends consider someone who is bisexual as being in denial; they believe that they are just holding on to some vestiges of heterosexuality. While I don’t feel this way myself, I still call myself gay instead of bi. I guess that since I am primarily attracted to men, I would prefer not to get hassled about it from my friends.
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Name : Ray, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 39, City : Phenix City, State : AL, Country : United States, Occupation : Accounting, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,First off, I think the general consensus is that the ‘labels’ of gay or bi never encompass a person entirely. …but as far as choosing to identify as lesbian instead of bi, simply comes down to who you want to have sex with. I may toy with male friends (who are gay, mind you, keeping me from having to worry about giving the wrong message)…but I wouldn’t want to have sexual contact with em. Some people marry/partner heterosexually for the convenience or some even identify as gay simply to show they’re open to the idea, whether they go through with it or not. …that help?
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Name : tigrress, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 23, City : kansas city, State : MO, Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : 2 Years of College,I’m a gay woman and my experience is that I’m not disgusted or grossed out by mens’ bodies. I’ve had my share of sex with men, and the only thing I don’t like is oral sex. I identify as gay because I can easily fall in love with a woman whereas I don’t fall in love with a man. I want to be married to a woman and could potentially have children with a woman, but I don’t want that type of relationship with a man. For me it’s about who you love that makes you gay. I also get turned-on by looking at a naked woman whereas I don’t get turned on by looking at a naked man. I don’t think the capacity for sex in and of itself has anything to do with being gay. Great question!
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Name : Kristy, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 33, City : Denver, State : CO, Country : United States, Social class : Middle class,They fool around because they are bored or curious.. They lable themselves to seem less threatening to a hetero person, for example.. If they say they are a lesbian and sleep with a guy, it gives him a signal that she doesn’t want more than sex. It also makes her feel like she has an identity. Either way, unless she only likes women, is interested in women, and only sleep with women, she truly is only a lesbian. Any relations with men present or desired makes her hetero or bi (if she is with both).
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Name : B24285, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 25, City : Knoxville, State : TN, Country : United States, Occupation : COmmunications, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,
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