Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 9 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 18 years, 3 months ago by
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As a big woman, I feel as though I am often regarded as unattractive or even gender-less by men. I understand that the media displays thin women as the norm and a standard of beauty, but are men so easily led by those images that they neglect a large (no pun intended) population of women in the United States who are attractive, brilliant, sexy and potentially a good lifemate simply because she is overweight? Guys, let me know what’s going on here.
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Name : Kari, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 25, City : Warren, State : MI, Country : United States, Occupation : Management, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,(I’m staying anonymous, because I know weight is a sensitve issue among women, and I’m trying to avoid a flame war.)
My lack of attraction to large women isn’t for lack of trying. I’ve gone out with several ‘big beautiful women.’ By most standards, they were desirable mates — smart, talkative, fun, and pretty. I just felt like I’d no longer be a ‘protector’ (I’ve got a medium build), and that I’d be physically overwhelmed in intimate situations. It’s *not* because I felt embarrassed to be with a large woman, or because society tells me that smaller women are more desirable, although that’s certainly a factor in the dating preferences of some men.
That doesn’t mean I date only ‘Barbies,’ but I feel uncomfortable at a point where a woman just seems bigger than me. Just like women are instinctually attracted to taller men, the majority of men with slight to medium builds prefer to date women that aren’t larger than they are. If they date a large woman, they’re no longer a ‘protector,’ and the match seems unnatural.
I often hear chubby, unattractive men ask ‘why won’t attractive, thin women go out with me?’ People tend to date others that are close to them on the attraction meter. Size is a factor used in measuring attractiveness, unfortunately, by both men and women. Have you thought about pursuing ‘attractive, brilliant and sexy’ large men, who might be less critical of your size?
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Name : Anonymous23700, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, City : Springfield, State : NA, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I wouldn’t say men are easily led by media images. Remember that these images have been presented every day of every week of every year for decades. Generations of kids are growing up with the impression that fat is bad and slim is good. There’s a certain amount of peer pressure that lasts well into adulthood, creating the belief that having a girlfriend or wife who is of above-average weight is somehow inferior and therefore a failure on your part to find someone slim/better. It’s bad, but that’s the way it is.
I’m dating a woman who is overweight, and I admit that I wouldn’t normally have considered dating her for the above reasons if I hadn’t got to know her as a friend first. She’s a wonderful, caring and beautiful person, and we plan to marry in about a year. It’s also nice to have some meat on them bones for a good hug!
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Name : James20882, Gender : M, Age : 27, City : NE, State : NA, Country : United Kingdom, Occupation : Software Engineer, Social class : Middle class,I think men are less affected by the media than women are. Women always think they’re overweight when often a man would not agree. An interesting cross-cultural study a couple of years ago showed that men all over the world prefer women with bodies of a certain proportion (I forget what the exact proportions are), which may indicate that men’s preferences in this area are ‘hard-wired’ in the genes rather than culturally imposed. A similar example is women’s overriding preference for tall males over short ones, regardless of fitness level.
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Name : Rick29818, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, City : Springfield, State : OH, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,I remember seeing a show on Discovery Channel or The Learning Channel about men’s sexual preferences. These scientists went out into a remote area of the jungle in South America and talked to the men in a tribe that had never been exposed to our society’s views. They showed each of the men several cards with different shapes of women on them. All of the men picked the cards with the somewhat slim women with curvaceous breasts and backsides (i.e. something like 36-24-36). So I think men’s preferences when it comes to women’s figures are not as influenced by society as women would like to believe.
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Name : Jason, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 25, City : Clemson, State : SC, Country : United States, Occupation : Graduate Student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,The reason I would hesitate to date an overweight woman is that I fear a psychologically healthy person would not permit themselves to become physically unhealthy. Mind and body are linked.
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Name : George21665, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 40, City : Santa Cruz, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : physical therapist, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,Unfortunately, the answer may be more physiologically-based than culturally-based. A couple of recent anthropological studies have shown that men around the world, regardless of their culture, ethnicity or religion, are attracted to a similar female body shape. In fact, these researchers found that there is a ‘perfect’ body shape for men cross-culturally. That shape, however, is not purely about size, but about proportions. Across cultures, men tended to find women with a certain hips-waist-breasts proportion more pleasing. The researchers believe that men are ‘hard-wired’ to be attracted to this shape because it may be slightly better for childbirth – bigger hips for the birth process and bigger breasts for breast-feeding. This is akin to studies that show that men and women alike are attracted to more symmetrical faces, as symmetry tends to be a sign of health. By the way, women were also more attracted to a certain body shape of men – taller, broader shoulders, slimmer waist. Of course, society and culture does have something to do with it. If not, we wouldn’t have such radical changes in what we as a culture find more pleasing from the larger figures of the 19th century to the twigs of the ’20s and ’60s. But in general, the proportions stay the same.
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Name : Teddy T., Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 33, City : Sherman Oaks, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Writer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,People have already mentioned the hard-wiring physiological factors, but there’s more to it than that. Back in the day when food was scarce and most of the world population was empoloyed in subsistance farming, overweight people WERE considered attractive. Weight meant wealth and power and said ‘I have the means to afford gluttony.’ Hence alot of the ‘reubenesque’ portrature from the rennaisance and earlier. Nowadays, however, food is easy to come by and weight problems fall disproportionately on the poor. Under these new circumstances, people of either gender who are capable of avoiding weight problems may be subconsciously seen as possessing restraint and discipline… both of which may be considered unique and desirable traits.
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Name : Chad, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 32, City : Somerville, State : MA, Country : United States, Occupation : Comp Sci, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I think a woman should have a discernable bust, waist and hips (like Oprah or the squeaky ‘Karen’ chick from ‘Will and Grace’). She doesn’t have to be a supermodel, and extra weight is OK, but the hourglass shape defines how a woman should look. I don’t like the extremes – the fat actress Monique, the fat lawyer actress Cameron Maheim, and the skinny ‘Grace’ chick on ‘Will and grace’. They are either barrel-shaped (yuk) or just bony without definition (yuk). I used to work with an overweight woman who had the round, barrel-shaped figure. She went on a diet for over a year and began to lose weight. I never thought she was physically attractive – but one day I was checking her out! She was still a little chunky, but I realized she had lost enough weight that her body’s definition was showing through the weight. Her bust, waist and hips had visible curves, not the barrel shape. By the way, men should have to meet the same standards – the fat belly hanging over the belt is awfu,l too.
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Name : CB32458, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 35, City : Richmond, State : VA, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,About the obese woman, one thing that might keep men interested in her away is when they consider the practicality of dating: more expensive dinners, hard to come by gift clothes, her complaining about her figure and the media and jealousy, difficulties in bed (e.g. maneuverability)… My mother is obese – I’ve known some of those problems my whole life. My girlfriend isn’t obese, she’s just a bit overweight, and I have to listen her complaining almost everyday, even if it is just a joke. And no lights on on the motel… Eating is a pleasure, but all the pleasures one will gain from not being overweight – and specially obese – justify all the hard, hard work.
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Name : Mr. Bennet, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 25, City : BH, State : NA, Country : Brazil, Occupation : Biologist, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,
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