Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 9 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 19 years ago by
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I am going through the process of coming out, and because I am in my late 20s it is probably easier for me than many others who are forced to in their adolescent years. I am comfortable with my sexuality and wear a small pride necklace every day to my job in community teen programming. I’m worried about how to respond to a parent who may have a problem with me being gay and ‘exposing their child to immorality.’ While I do not discuss or promote my sexuality with teens, much less anybody at work, it is part of who I am, and I feel an obligation as a very feminine gay woman to show that we do not all ‘look gay.’ How should I defend myself against a homophobic parent?
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Name : Shannon, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Humanist, Age : 29, City : Glendale, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Community Services Specialist- Teen Programs, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I know you want to learn about how to defend yourself against a homophobe parent. You mentioned how you want to show that not all of you look gay. So if you don’t look it and can pass for being straight, why would you want to risk a bunch of strife and conflict because you feel a need to tell others about your sexual preference? I mean, you know that most parents would be highly suspicious if a known homosexual were around their kids, so why risk the potential drama if you can avoid it, especially if you have an advantage of posing as straight?
I feel if you are gay, why tell the whole damn world? Why subject yourself to scorn when you can keep it a secret? It’s not like it’s anyone business or right to know. Just keep it to yourself.
I know I sound unsympathetic, but I feel as though many homosexuals bring things on themselves by being too open about their sexuality, and then they get pissed off beyond piss off-tivity when others don’t accept. What do you expect? You could have saved yourself from a lot of scorn, rejection and ridicule if you’d just kept that fact to yourself. I’m not saying you can’t be proud about who you are, but I don’t feel you have to broadcast the fact that you’re gay or a lesbian in order to be proud of who you are. You can be proud in the silence. I think some think if you’re closeted, then you’re ashamed. Not true. And to those out there who would be outraged at what I’m saying: I’m just saying keep it to yourself but be proud. Don’t accuse me of being a homophobe, because that’s not what I’m saying. Are we clear?
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Name : Moni20311, City : Ft. Myers, State : FL, Country : United States,I don’t have a great answer for that, but my first question to a parent who might broach that question is: How am I exposing your child to immorality? You mention that you work in teen programming, and I am working on the assumption that you don’t openly, without provocation, tell every teen you come across your sexual orientation, with all the details. Sure, you are open about your sexuality, but so is everyone else.
What I am saying is, unless you are pushing your views on everyone who enters the door, rather than letting the opportunity to discuss sexual orientation rise from the teens you are helping, then how could what you are doing be defined as ‘exposing them’? You are acting as a role model for those teens who feel that they might be homosexual, and need someone to counsel them through it. Teens will be ‘exposed’ to homosexuality everywhere – and sometimes that exposure will certainly be unpleasant, stereotypical or derogatory. Sometimes it will be in-your-face. What you are doing is letting them know that homosexuality is not the most important thing about you, presumably, but it is a part of you, and a good part, too.
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Name : beautifulstars, City : St. John's, State : NA, Country : Canada,When I started my current job I was already out. One of my coworkers confronted me shortly after I was hired. She looked at me and said: ‘I don’t like gays and I think it is morally wrong and a sickness. I don’t want you around my children.’ All I did was give her an icy glare, a scowl and the silent treatment. From that point on it was business only with her. When I became her supervisor, I took her into my office and flatly stated that any comments made about my or anyone else’s sexual orientation would result in immediate disciplinary action as outlined under the laws of the State of California. Hopefully, like California, all states will soon make discrimination based on sexual orientation illegal. Until then, an icy glare, a scowl and walking away with no comment will say it all. There is no need to defend your sexuality to anyone.
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Name : Mike, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 42, City : Ben Lomand, State : CA, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,What you do behind your bedroom door is your business. Why do you need to bring it to work? Your sexuality doesn’t make you a better or a worse worker. I don’t know why you wield over other people, and why someone would give you that authority when you behave as you do. Are you so insecure (personally and the homosexual lobby as a group) that you need to bash people with your values? Equal rights with everyone means tolerance of values that aren’t your own. You are as intolerant as your adversary, only with a mouth that is too big for you to handle.
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Name : au, Gender : M, City : Edmonton, State : NA, Country : Canada, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,You’re not the first person to think of this strategy. Blacks called it ‘passing’, not admitting to being black if they could avoid upsetting white people by pretending they were one of them. Gays call what you are describing as being closeted. It means not responding or just lying when someone at work asks you what you did this weekend, or not joining in when all the girls are talking about their boyfriends, or just generally walling yourself off from others because you don’t want them to guess your terrible secret. We’ve had enough of that. This woman says she came out, and she’s out now. She doesn’t want to pretend anymore to avoid disturbing other people. Does that mean she walks around stopping strangers and sayng ‘I sleep with women!’? Of course not. But your suggestion that she simply avoid any mention of her own life, or lie if she has to, in order to get by in society, is a giant step backwards into shame and fear. Gays don’t have to choose that any more.
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Name : James D., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 47, City : Summit, State : NJ, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,Research shows that gay teens are four to six times as likely to commit suicide than their straight peers. Schools, parents, churches and other social institutions have historically not given this sad fact the attention it deserves, resulting in unforgiveable suffering and loss of life. Today things are slowly changing. Many public schools, particularly in large areas, now have supportive programs for GLBT students and educational units on sexuality and sexual orientation for all students. Although homophobic parents might not like it, this is the direction of progress. Both straight and gay teens benefit from having gay role models, but for gay teens, your presence may be a lifesaver.
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Name : Sarah M., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Lutheran, Age : 27, City : Fort Collins, State : CO, Country : United States, Occupation : School Counseling Grad Student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,It still cracks me up everytime I hear a straight person say ‘Why do you have to tell everybody?’ It is one of the most obvious comments from an uneducated straight person. Ever hear of PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gay)? Straight people take for granted being able to say things like ‘We went out to dinner…’ and ‘We painted our bedroom…’ Please don’t let anyone force you to hide your life, and please don’t take advice about being gay from straight people!
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Name : Debbie, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 36, City : Pittsburgh, State : PA, Country : United States, Occupation : Medical Photographer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I would just try to be as honest as possible. It is really none of their business, and you are not obligated to share anything with anyone. If someone were to ask you if you were gay, point blank, you could say ‘ My personal life and my work life are separate but yes, I am a lesbian.’ That’s all they need to know. It is not any more immoral than anything anyone else does in their bedrooms!
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Name : Veronica, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 25, City : Asheville, State : NC, Country : United States, Occupation : bookseller/student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,As a Professional, Keeping a professional distance is the best defense. Children are more apt. to come out and ask of our being Gay. Only then should this topic be addressed. If for a child who identifies as Gay, and a Minor, Remember, anything sexual needs a parents permission, as in the case of sexual education. as for Parents who do not want the topic being discussed with there minors? there’s not much that can be done if a Parent says , stay away from my child. If a Parent approaches you with the topic of your sexuality? Your defense will be your job title and the reason of why there child is at your facility. The only times sexuality should come into play is if your working for a Gay organization designed to help children with there sexuality. when working with children or in an environment which includes children, it is a Must that you maintain your professional distance. Other than that, it comes down to trying to tell a muslem woman to not wear her cloak or Burka to work. ‘same lines of approach’
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Name : Paul Sanz, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Religion : Christian, Age : 40, City : Akron, State : OH, Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
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