Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 7 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 25 years, 6 months ago by
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My 18-year-old stepson is somewhat effeminate, and many peers regarded him as gay. I think that if he is, he hasn’t really come to grips with it yet. He occasionally dates girls, but has a pretty slow social life and is a virgin (I truly believe this). He has told me of dancing with men, and I get the feeling he is testing me with this information. His other three parents will not take that news well. I am the most open-minded of the lot. Any advice for me out there? I just want him to have the tools for a happy life.
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Name : Maddy, City : Leduc, Alberta, State : NA, Country : Canada,The best thing you can do for your son is to talk to him. Be open to him, and let him know you accept him unconditionally. Then try to open the subject of sexual orientation by talking about something you read or saw on TV. He may feel less afraid to talk to you if he knows you will not reject him. And if his other parents probably won’t be open to his sexual orientation, he will really need your support.
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Name : Lucy H, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Age : 24, City : San Jose, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,First, don’t spend so much time wondering if he’s straight or gay. Some people just take a while to find the right person, and if he’s not gay (not all effeminate guys are) you may alienate him. If he is gay, he’s lucky to have your support. Just remind him that you love him and that you think he’s a great guy, and let him know he can come to you if he ever needs to talk about anything. A few well-placed hints about how you think it’s OK to be gay may not hurt. But I wouldn’t come out and ask him directly; a person’s sexuality (especially at that age) is pretty personal. He may not even be sure himself yet.
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Name : CC19152, Gender : F, City : New York, State : NY, Country : United States, Occupation : Sister of gay man, Education level : 4 Years of College,To Maddy: I am 18 and just came out to my parents four months ago. This is the time and age most get the courage to tell, because this is right before or after they move out. Don’t pressure him; that makes it worse. Perhaps just drop some hints that if he were to tell you you would still treat him the same. One way of doing this is pointing out, for example, that you have a gay friend. But be careful; if you ask him, he may close up. He has to do it when he is ready.
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Name : Amy, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 18, City : Dallas, State : TX, Country : United States,Living 20 minutes north of you, where the nearest substantial gay community exists, I know the challenges of coming out in Alberta. If you look at things like the Vriend decision, and your own statements about the other parents, it will be a huge challenge for him to come out. If you attempt to ask him directly, the reply will most likely be an “of course not.” While you may understandably get frustrated, he does have to come to grips with it himself. I knew that I had the love and support of my parents, yet it still took a suicide attempt for me to tell them. The web page at http://freenet.edmonton.ab.ca/glcce/ might be of some assistance. They can put you in touch with PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) as well as resource people here. Further, if your stepson does come out, GLCCE can get him in touch with the Gay Youth Group.
Also, Edmonton is not that far away. Indeed, I know of a few people your stepson’s age who are from Leduc and come to the city. In fact, when I first saw your posting, it struck me that your stepson might be someone who dated one of my employees.
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Name : Richard, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 30, City : Edmonton, Alberta, State : NA, Country : Canada, Occupation : Businessman, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I was only 17 when I finally realized the fact that I liked men was going to always be a part of my life. But it wasn’t until I was 20 that I realized I was gay and not bisexual or straight going through a phase of life. Of course, I possibly would have dated a guy sooner and found myself sooner had my family been supportive. So, give him time to figure it out himself. He’s trying to found himself in the sexual spectrum of life.
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Name : Patrick S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 24, City : Dallas, State : TX, Country : United States, Occupation : Programmer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I’m not that familiar with other cultures, but this I can say: If he is gay, that doesn’t make him any less a person. A good friend once told me that it doesn’t matter who you are or what you choose to be in life; what matters most is what good you can do as a person.
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Name : Steve, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : Asian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 31, City : Manila, State : NA, Country : Philppines, Occupation : Costume designer for theater and films, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Print out a copy of your question and present it to him with a hug. And congratulations on being so enlightened.
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Name : Marilyn, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Native American, Age : 49, City : Sierra Vista, State : AZ, Country : United States, Occupation : customer service, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
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