Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences 
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- Sam, I have to disagree with you. Caveat: I'm also going to give my very biased, gut reaction. As a recovering addict, I won't accept the argument that legitimizing drug use will abate usage and criminality. Cigarettes and alcohol are killing a whole lot of folks, and they're legal. Addiction is a symptom of a much larger social ill. Legal access will do more harm than good. I will concede the medicinal benefit of smoking, but I'm very suspect of the messages we will communicate to our children when we legalize the sale of marijuana, and the increased abuse from easier access to the narcotic. (I can conversely tell you how the drug lords purposely shrunk the availability of weed to increase the sale of coke/crack).
And please, if anyone tells me again that weed is relatively harmless, I'll throw up. I know enough people who ruined their lives "just smoking weed." Weed is the "f--- it" drug. Users typically develop an I-give-up, who cares attitude.
If you think it's harmless, ask the insurers who pay the medical claims for individuals who injure themselves on the job because they were high, or the employers who are tired of the absteeism level of employees who only get high on the weekends but can't seem to make it into work on Monday. Ask the professor about the bright student who's pulling Cs because she fails to commit the necessary time to her assignments. THC does damage brain cells, and weed has 10 times more nicotine than cigarettes. And for many addicts, weed was the doorway to the so-called hardcore drugs. My stand is more than just some soapbox, shallow, moralistic (and since when is actually having some morals a bad thing?) whine. How about practical, logical opposition? I've experienced firsthand the horror of drug addiction. Wouldn't wish it on a dog.
Lastly, those who think addiction happens only to poor, lazy, stupid and weak folks, think again. Statistics on drug addiction are higher than many of us think, and the numbers are incredibly alarming if you look at the numbers on substance abuse (misuse). Everyone who abuses doesn't necessarily become addicted, but those who are addicted started by abusing drugs.
I question how much we have really profited by legalizing alcohol and nicotine. In my mind, they are equally lethal. The only difference is that their manufacturers and our government are getting a cut of the profit. Ask the man with one lung and on an oxgen tank if he feels cigarettes are harmless.
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Name : annonymous, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 34, City : Detroit, State : MI Country : United States,Kim, I fully appreciated your response to the post regarding Ebonics and the slave mentalility. I doubt I could have responded as intelligently and eloquently as you did. While I am not an advocate of Ebonics, I fully respect the argument you presented to the original poster. I have some personal issues with Ebonics, principally that those who use it as a primary language typically have an inadquate grasp on standard English, and in this country where we are the minority, this is a disadvantage. I wish more black youth in particular would approach mastering standard English as you stated. It is like any other (if one wants to view it this way) foreign language: Learn it, so in the appropriate situations, you can apply it.I noted your age and surmised that your tone and position is directly related to your level of maturity. While age does not necessarily determine maturity, time provides an opportunity for growth and wisdom. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us.
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Name : annonymous, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 34, City : Detroit, State : MI Country : United States,Stacey: I disagree with the notion that masturbation is selfish. My take: Masturbation allows an individual to relieve themselves of natural sexual energy. It seems to me if I want to avoid fornication or adultery, then this form of sex is an acceptable alternative. Lest not forget a woman cannot get pregnant,contract aids or any other sexually transmitted disease masturbating.She does not have to compromise her morals by being sexually active with someone else if she in fact values waiting to have intercourse till she marries. Further, masturbation, also referred by some as self-love, is far more mentally healthier than engaging in sexual activity with another individual who may not have one's best interest at heart. Let me get this straight: Another human being, preferrably only my husband can enjoy my body, but I can't? And why is sex dirty outside of marriage? God gave me a sex drive. Why, in Christianity is God portrayed as sexually repressive? I believe God is quite sensual and sexual. How else could I who is created by God be something (sexual) that God is not? And to answer your question. Yes, I could masturbate knowing God is 'watching me' because in my belief, God is within. I'm not hurting anyone including myself. I don't buy this notion that I have to deny my sexuality. What I do need to do is to consider seriously how I act or don't act upon my sexual energies.User Detail :
Name : annonymous, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 34, City : Detroit, State : MI Country : United States,Craig: Caveat: I am not talking to you directly. WHAT! Whew!!! Okay, now that I've calmed down. Let me respond intelligently. I saw a play once, and at the end, the playright addressed the audience with some of her other work. She presented a piece, roughly translated, 'When You Call Me Bitch'. Let it suffice to say that she and countless other Black women like myself do not consider 'bitch' a term of endearment. The idiot who said otherwise, is just that. As for the women who accept this address and use this term, I say it's a sad commentary of how some of us view ourselves. I'd no sooner call another woman 'bitch' as I would call another human being 'nigga'. Additionally, I'd like to ask the rapper if he would tolerate someone addressing his mother, daughter, sister, aunt or grandmother this way. I can think of a few choice explictives for the assertion from both the professor and the rapper: bullsh--! Lastly, everything that is associated with any particular group is not necessarily or uniformly acceptable to all members of a group. If you'd like to see the 'hood' in me, try calling me a 'bitch'.User Detail :
Name : annonymous, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 34, City : Detroit, State : MI Country : United States,Meat-like products aren't offensive to me. In fact, when I introduced vegetarian meals to my family, these products made the transition easier. It was enough that we were changing our diet; these foodstuffs allowed me to prepare meals that in many ways resembled what my family was accustomed to eating. These items are pricey, though, and as I became comfortable and familiar with other foods, the inclination to substitute became unnecessary. My family members, besides my youngest and myself, still eat meat. When they feel like chicken or sausage, they prepare it themselves. We have a happy medium.I, too, stopped eating meat for ethical and political reasons, as well as health. I respect others' food choices, and if meat production in this country were what I consider more humane, ethical and politically correct, I'd probably eat poultry and seafood ocassionally. If I lived in a culture where meat was a staple, and the culture revered life and was not wasteful, I wouldn't object to this sustenance. I've observed, too, that many non-vegetarians assume we are disgusted by meat for very simplisitic or idealistic reasons. Usually, our decisions were derived from a variety of factors.
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Name : annonymous, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 34, City : Detroit, State : MI Country : United States,To Ariel: While I respect your rejection of organized religion, I am disturbed by your assumption that everyone else is limited because they believe in God and/or religion. While I disagree with many teachings of various religious groups, I have come to understand and respect that these beliefs give meaning to others' lives. We are complex creatures, and our experiences and beliefs are equally varied. How we define a fulfilling and successful life is based on our personal beliefs.I believe the mistake is to assume that because someone believes in God and/or religion, his or her life is limited and consequently unfulfilling.
Lastly, many people believe, like you, that we are to believe in ourselves and create our own destinies. It is possible to believe in both a supreme being and still take responsibility for your own life. I believe the universe is magnificant and so am I, but I have no need to be the center of all things. That seems to be the real burden. Freedom is found in believing in someone who is greater than myself; that the essence of who I am is of the one source, and that I am one with Her.
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Name : annonymous, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 34, City : Detroit, State : MI Country : United States,I'm brown-skinned. When I look at black models or actors in advertising I do not perceive the majority of them to be light-skinned. As a matter of fact, many are dark or have features that imply that their racial background is clearly African American. When I think of TV sitcoms, I think of Holly Robinson and the guy who plays her husband's brother, Reggie, or the character Sedrick from the Steve Hardy sitcom. I see all shades in these shows. The Winans, Malcolm Warner-Jamal and his co-star are brown or dark brown. Where are these light-skinned folks I'm missing? Admittedly, I do not watch a lot of TV, but I do look at the models used in department store ads and magazines. They are usually dark, beautiful shades of black. What I don't see is women like myself who are between Tanisha Campbell and Tyra Banks. I'm neither high yellow nor dark cholocate.User Detail :
Name : annonymous, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 34, City : Detroit, State : MI Country : United States,Amen, Augustine!I was a waitress for almost 10 years. People support their families (I did) with these jobs. It is a legitimate and can be a lucrative job provided you're in a prime location. The math is simple: Voluntarily leave an appropriate 15 percent or better tip, or force businesses to charge you more for the plate so that they can pay higher wages to retain employees, or be subjected to tip-included bills. When I was in my 20s I was earning as much if not more as my friends, who were employed with mainstream companies in entry-level positions.
On the average, I'd say waiters are often far more sophisicated and open-minded than many of their clientele. In the nicer places where I worked, we paid more attention to how a customer treated us and behaved during the course of the meal. When we did classify, it was more likely between the real diners and the novices. People who eat out frequently are more relaxed, friendly and generally tip. Novices tended to be either anxious and/or demanding and tip less, if at all.
We do these jobs to finish school, pursue other goals or provide greater financial support than we found in otherwise marginal jobs. I won't say biases don't exist, but they were hardly fast and hard judgments. In other words, we didn't automatically moan if we were seated a table of women or minorities. At least, professional, seasoned waiters don't. Instead, they treat their customers with equal importance and gauge their probability of a good tip more on the customer's behavior. I learned early on not to look down on the guy with the raggedy jeans (sitting in a nice place) nor the senior citizen ladies. Prejudging, besides being ethically wrong, could cost you a good tip, and afterall I'm there to earn a living. My experience was that I made more in the suburbs than I did in the city. It appeared that the availability of disposable cash and social-economic class had a greater impact on the money I made than any other variable.
We all judge on some level. The least we can do is get honest and admit it. I thought some might be interested in the waiter's point of view.
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Name : annonymous, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 34, City : Detroit, State : MI Country : United States,Yes, a black parent can have a "white" child. My aunt was often harrassed because she was a "white" girl on the deep eastside of Detroit (black area). She has naturally blond hair and gray/green/blue eyes. Now in her 40s, she clearly looks black, but growing up, people didn't think she was mixed; she was white. If you ask most blacks, they can almost always think of someone in their family or friends who has white skin. This isn't new to us. Haven't you heard about blacks throughout history who for many reasons chose to "pass" for white? Many African Americans look white. I can think of a local anchorwoman here in Detroit, Amyre Makeupson, and Carribean writer, Michelle Cliff. Silly how much emphasis we place on features and skin color. Last time I checked, we all bled red.User Detail :
Name : annonymous, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 34, City : Detroit, State : MI Country : United States,I attended a 98 percent white college for one year (I decided my freshman year to get married). Many of my peers had little or no exposure to blacks. For the most part my experience was positive. It was a small college in a small town of plain folk. There was awkwardness on their part. Sometimes they tried too hard to be polite and not to offend. There were some innocent and silly questions like "I like your curly hair" or "How do you wash it?" Race relations as a whole weren't always perfect, but there were not outcries of injustice or students dropping out because of pressures of not being welcomed. As a matter of fact, it was blacks who were more often reluctant to create relationships with others (there was an even smaller presence of other minorities).For me, I loved it there. My best friend happened to be white. We met in the weight room. We had mutual interests. We loved weightlifting and long-distance running. We were two peas in a pod. I nicknamed us "Salt and Pepper." I had more than a few conversations with girls who were in many ways just like me or others I knew. Many were middle class. Some were the first in their families to attend college. Most of us were broke. Some were unsure of themselves. Some were financially OK but emotionally hurting. We had more in common than not. The obvious difference was color.
When I returned to the city I attended a local campus satellite for a major university. There were far more students and greater diversity, but there was racial tension. I missed my old school. Even years later, I wished I had stayed and completed my degree there.
Not long ago, I treated myself to a trip to the town and visited the campus. Nothing but fond memories and a longing for the innocence and wonder of undergraduate years.
It sounds pretty corny, but the truth is there are> instances of blacks and whites respecting and appreciating each other. The odds increase as we, as individuals, forge personal relationships. On major scales we might be failing, but individually we have the capacity to achieve amazing things, like loving your fellow man.
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Name : annonymous, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 34, City : Detroit, State : MI Country : United States,I grew up in Detroit and live here now. I have also lived in the burbs. I am not surprised by your brother's friends' comments, but I think we need to keep things in perspective. What has been these men's personal experiences in the suburbs? I think this is another situation that begs for us to take other factors into consideration. I believe in general that black men experience more negative encounters in the suburbs than black women. (We aren't necessarily perceived as a threat. Not necessarily welcomed, but not intimidating.) How many white friends do these men have who live in the suburbs? This would take into account the comfort level due to familiarity with the area. Personally, because of the work I do (have done)in the outlying areas and because of where I was educated (90 percent white), I feel quite comfortable in the suburbs. Comfort level has a lot to do with exposure/experiences. My family and friends, some black and some white, live in these areas. And hasn't someone mentioned elsewhere the similarities among socioeconomic groups? You didn't say, but were your brother's friends from the same income bracket?Beyond the racial difference (did they actually say this is what made them feel uncomfortable?), maybe they were uncomfortable being in an area foreign to them economically. Lastly, maybe they simply dreaded the very possible reality of being stopped by cops just because they were black men in a predominantly white neighborhood.
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Name : annonymous, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 34, City : Detroit, State : MI Country : United States,
