Why are people so afraid to help self-mutilators and self-injurers? We need people to help us. Why are you so taken back? Why don't you try to understand?
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Name : Amanda, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 18, City : springfield, State : OH Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Upper class, My two thoughts are: A) Many people do not understand the tendency of those who self-mutilate or injure themselves. Lack of understanding leads to fear, etc. B) I would say that the majority of people really wouldn't know where to start to help a person with these tendencies. Personally, I would suggest treatment, but I really wouldn't know what to do from there. I'm assuming your use of 'we' means that you do these things as well, so I have to turn some questions back to you then... Have you sought help from a professional who understands self-mutilation? Have you discussed with your friends and family the thoughts and reasons that you do these things?
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Name : Jen, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 31, City : Atlanta, State : GA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, I guess because 'we' are not very familiar with your problem, and 'we' find it a little scary. If you are doing this and are aware that it is a problem I hope you do get some help. I'm sure the web is loaded with information and resources. Have people close to you denied your needs when you've revealed your self-abuse to them? I'm not afraid of you, but I'm afraid I can't be of much help to you.
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Name : Vail24455, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : mutt, Religion : Atheist, Age : 40, City : Philly, State : PA Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, I would think the biggest reason people are reluctat to help someone with an emotional problem would be the fear of doing more damage. Unless you are a psycatrist, how can one know what to say or do with someone with a possible mental illness. I know i would not want to be the one to send someone that fragile on an emotional downward spiral for some reason.
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Name : Pieter, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : I like houselhold objects including two mattresses, Disability : Not enough sex in cars, Race : Swedish/African American\Asain\ Illegal alien, Religion : Jelsafarian, Age : 86, City : Albequreque, State : CA Country : Chile, Occupation : we've been 86'ed, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, Be more emotionally honest in your questions. Why in the world do you think we're taken aback? My older daughter, now a college freshman, went through a phase when she was 15 of cutting herself with kitchen knives, all up and down her arms and legs. She told my other daughter, a friend, and her doctor before she told me, since she anticipated I would be horrified. When she finally told me, yes, I was horrified, but someone from the Oscars committee should have been there to hand me my acting award, because I hid it from my daughter and all she got from me was warmth, love, concern, and my desire to help. What's to understand? How could I understand anything except that her cutting herself was an expression of some dark desperation inside her that I hadn't known of? I couldn't then, and can't now, understand what someone gets out of physically damaging himself/herself on an ongoing basis. Now that my daughter is on Celexa and is feeling so much better, she can't understand it herself. She feels terrible about having done it and wants to forget that that part of her life ever happened, so I haven't mentioned it in a long while. From where she's at now, she herself can't explain it to me--not that her explanations at the time made any real sense to me. You're in a vortex and can only pull yourself out by wanting to, and accepting help. What you're doing is not normal. It's not some kind of acceptable alternative behavior choice. It's bad for you. Your mom will be freaked out, but if she's normally a pretty nice person, you need to bite the bullet and tell her about it and let her deal. If it would help you work up your nerve, tell a doctor first.
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Name : Leslie L., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 51, City : Lansing, State : MI Country : United States, Occupation : Teacher, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, Have you tried to get the help you need? If so, then don't worry about what others think. If not, then maybe others are put off by your self-injury because they don't know how to help you. If you're hurting yourself, Amanda, then please talk to someone who can help you. There are people who care about you and who can help you, but you must be as receptive to them as you want them to be to you. Good luck, my dear, and please post another message telling us how you are doing.
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Name : Melody, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 40, City : Kansas City, State : MO Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Dear Amanda, I don't think people are afraid to help, I think they simply do not know how to help and are afraid of making matters worse.People are surprised and taken aback, sometimes shocked, because the self mutilators usually do an excellent job of hiding their problems. Thus, although self mutilation is very common (picking hair, nails etc) most people remain unaware of it. In past, sufferes have been ashamed of talking about it and this too helps hide it from the public awareness. There are many websites for particular disorders and excellent treatments available now, and I think more and more people are becoming aware, tolerant and understanding of it.I hope this answers your questions.
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Name : h.o.b, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Asian, Religion : Secular Humanist, Age : 54, City : omaha, State : NE Country : United States, Occupation : physician, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class, My friend was into self-mutilation back in jr. high. I knew it was a wrong thing for her to do and I would tell her that she should stop cutting herself, but it seemed like the more I did that, the more she would cut herself and then show me her scars / open wounds. I think she did it because she was in this constant state of angst over all the shit that was happening in her life, but the fact that I was giving her attention and I was showing her that I cared about what happened to her whenever she showed me her scars made her do it even more, because she was so desperate for the positive attention. I don't think people are scared of people who self-mutilate. I'm not scared, but it's still weird territory, you know? Purposely cutting yourself isn't a good thing and when you meet someone who does, you don't know how to react. I think some people are scared of saying the wrong thing to someone who cuts themselves, because they think that if they do something wrong, that'll cause the self mutilators to hurt themselves more. I think what I should have done, back in jr high, was tell my friend's mom, or my mom, or some authority figure or other what was going on, because my friend wasn't getting all the help she needed from my silly, stuttering speechings over why self-mutiliation was unhealthy and a warning sign for suicidal tendencies and stuff. She would have been pissed at me, but maybe things wouldn't have gotten so bad for her a few years later, and she wouldn't have done all that she did to both herself and others. I don't know. I'm not sure if this is helpful or not, but that's my story of what happened when my friend started slicing at herself. I say get help, but I think help often isn't in the places you'd normally expect it to be. Get help from someone who's older than you, who's had experience with being too young to have their pain taken seriously by other people. Great. Now I'm all contemplative. Sigh.
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Name : Megan, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 21, City : Slippery Rock, State : PA Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, To answer your question, because it's wierd! I mean I have every sympathy for you if you honestly feel that hurting yourself in any way is a consolation and makes you feel better. But honestly, it is something that I will never understand. I don't like pain; I don't welcome pain and I certainly don't inflict pain on myself. However, if this is something you are doing, you need to realize that it is not normal or necessary. Why can't you understand that?
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Name : Monika20321, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 27, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Programmer, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, I would help a self-mutilator if I knew how. All I can suggest is that you find a good therapist/psychologist. From my understanding, self-injury is a self-esteem issue. I grew up with no self-esteem and I used to bang my head against the mirror at times, trying to hurt myself and telling myself I was a loser. It came from being disgusted at my perceived limitations and lack of confidence... I got professional help, read self-help books and learned to love myself. We are all valid and worthful human beings. We should hold ourselves in high esteem because we all have something great to offer the world. Good luck!
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Name : Annie, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 38, City : Tucson, State : AZ Country : United States, Social class : Middle class, I am sorry that you needed to look to a web site for support. I can't speak for everyone, but in my case, I am not taken back, I just don't know enough about it to understand. I have read that sometimes the internal pain is lessend by the external pain. Is this true? It is easy to say hurting yourself is not the answer, but unless someone knows how you are feeling, how could they know? Give us something... just enough that you feel comfortable with. Some would like to understand and help.
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Name : Cindy31942, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 30, City : Appleton, State : WI Country : United States, Occupation : Technology, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, Look at your profile...you're an atheist, an artist, and your 18 years old...you're looking for an outlet for your 'creativity', not help...if you want help, reach deep down inside yourself, realize that no one is going to help you but you and fucking quit it!
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Name : Jenn-E, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 24, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Self-Employed, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, Hi Amanda: I've been there, and I still struggle. I'm also a therapist. Most people don't understand, because most people don't intentionally try to hurt themselves, and most people cringe at the thought of cutting themselves, even accidentally. But you are right...mutilators need help. It's an addiction, just like drinking or doing drugs. We do it to deal with stress and internal emotional pain. The release it gives in phenomenal sometimes...not to encourage anyone to try...but you and I know that it's a coping mechanism. The best thing I can suggest is find a therapist, or even a friend online to talk to (see my email address below). Another thing you could do is educate your friends, family and community about the seriousness of this problem and the lack of help and support you feel. The more people know about it and the more they understand, the more they can help. When you think about it, other problems such as child abuse, wife battering and eating disorders were hidden problems and no one wanted to talk about them. Now it's more mainstream and help is becoming more and more available. Reach out to someone, and if they don't help, don't give up.
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Name : Nadya, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Disability : Hearing Impaired/Terminal Illness, Race : American Indian, Religion : Wiccan, Age : 29, City : Vancouver, State : NA Country : Canada, Occupation : Therapist/Emergency Medicine, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, Please keep in mind, that not everyone is desensitized to the fact that people can actually do things like that to themselves, therefore they need help in not having their stomach twisting so hard to the point of nausea upon seeing it in person. Then again, with as popular as body piercing has become these days, they may simply ignore it thinking you're in a more obscure or extreme phase of it.
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Name : Joe, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 23, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : I.T., Education level : Technical School, Social class : Middle class, Self injurious behaviors are a means to satisfy frustration, guilt and/or hurt. Most people don't like to see someone who self injures simply because they don't know how to help that person with their problems. Other people are afraid, since they don't understand and think this person might hurt them too. In most cases, self injurious behavior that occurs routinely is actually a behavior that has become a habit not unlike an addiction. The behavior begins as a way to do something about a situation and do it quietly without others noticing, then it continues on, gets a little attention from others and then escalates to a habitual way to get attention even when denying that this is why the self injury occurred. Just like with any other habit, cigarette smoking for one, it began for one reason then became an addiction that is not easy to give up and you can't remember why you started smoking in the first place. Many, many people self injure so this is not a unique behavior. Just try to be honest with yourself as to why you do this now, and why you did it the first time, then be inventive and come up with something else to do instead of ruining your beautiful body. Only you understands why you choose to do this to yourself, and only you can help yourself. You can get a mental health professional to listen to you and your excuses for injuring yourself but that person cannot go home with you and watch you every second of the day.
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Name : Celi W, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 62, City : Galax, State : VA Country : United States, Occupation : Professional, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 
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