My girlfriend lives in a college dorm with two other ladies. Their perishable groceries are purchased individually because they don't all have the same schedule. But one of the roommates is consuming groceries that my girlfriend has purchased, without her permission and in rather large quantities. My girlfriend tried speaking to her and even wrote notes on the things she had purchased. The roommate ripped the notes to shreds. In the end my girlfriend bought herself a private refrigerator. I have wondered if perhaps there were some cultural differences involved here that may have a link to ethnicity. The roommate is black, and my girlfriend is white. Can African Americans out there help me out? Is there some kind of understanding among roommates that everyone buys a few groceries and then everything under the roof is up for grabs? Could that be a general way of doing things among some groups of African Americans, or is it a cultural thing that doesn't follow an ethnic trend?
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Name : Matt22041, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 23, City : n/a, State : TN Country : United States, Occupation : Software Engineering student/Musician, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, No, it's not a racially thing. Most likely, the girl's mother never taught her manners. Poor thing.
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Name : Deedee25802, Race : Black/African American, Age : 17, City : Brooklyn, State : NY Country : United States, This is, singularly, the biggest roommate complaint on the planet. Scarfing up free range food is what roommates do. No race and gender is immune. I, honest to God, epoxied a box of Ho Ho's shut when I was in college, and my roommate(a white guy) still got into them. It is an axiom of human relations that roommates in college start out great friends, quickly degenerate into part-enemies with simmering, petty, backstabbing hatreds, and then later in life tell outrageous roommate stories about each other. Forget the race angle on this, it is universal.
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Name : Steve27651, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 46, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Corporate Cubicle Roommate, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class, I've been in the same situation as your girlfriend. This is not related to cultural differences or ethnicity. It's how you were raised, plain and simple. I was taught at a very young age not to steal from others. Eating another's food in large quantities without asking is inconsiderate, discourteous and uncouth. I've never done it, although I have had roommates of all different backgrounds and ethnicities unrightfully take food. I sympathize with your girlfriend, but please know that her roommate's manners, or lack thereof, has absolutely nothing to do with her being black. I would hate for you to think that this situation had a link to race. Nevertheless, I applaud you for asking about it instead of accepting a false truth. Most prejudiced people would have accepted it without inquiring; you didn't, and I respect that.
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Name : Anna, Gender : F, Race : Black (Ethiopian)/Indian (East India), Religion : Jewish, Age : 19, City : New York, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Upper middle class, That's not a cultural thing at all. My thing is, if I didn't buy the food, I won't eat it. I will ask first before I eat something - unless my roommate and I agree to share food. I was raised to be respectful of others and not eat up everything. So I think the problem is just with your girlfriend's roommate. Please don't take things done by others as an ethnic norm.
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Name : Mike, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 22, City : Detroit, State : MI Country : United States, Occupation : Education, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, I don't believe it is a racial issue, but then again, there may be particulars I don't understand. However, if the problem has persisted to the point that you are at Y? Forum to address it, it means there is some serious miscommunication between all parties involved. Why doesn't everyone sit down and address the issue? Why is this person so disrespectful to someone else by ripping to shreds someone's notes to ownership? I am an African American/Native American living in San Francisco, and all my roomies are white but not American, except my gay roomie. The others are from Spain, Yugoslavia and India, and we get along great. Straight up, the woman ripping up the notes is just out and out rude. I really don't know if there is a racial spin on it. In our house, we share, but we don't take things with notes on them, rip them up and eat someone's food.
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Name : touchy buffalo, Gender : M, Age : 48, City : san francisco, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : unemployed, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, This problem that your girlfriend is having with her roommate has nothing to do with her skin color, culture or religion. The girl is a straight-up thief. My roommate also stole food from me in college. She also wore my clothes without asking, and both of us are black. (I'm mixed black/Brazilian.) This person who your girlfriend has to put with is one of the major reasons why I moved off of campus. People who take advantage of others, sadly enough, come in all shapes and colors, and it can be a real pain trying to deal with them. I know your girlfriend probably doesn't want to create tension with a person she has to live with and see every day, but going into someone's private things, be it food, clothes, mail or money, is a serious no-no. This other chick knows it, and it sounds like she's trying to intimidate your girlfriend. I would either confront her face to face, or move out. Who wants do deal with that crap? It's rude and unfair.
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Name : Angela, Gender : M, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 30, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Occupation : writer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, I've been black all my life and have yet to find that this type of behavior is linked to being black. More than likely it's linked to lack of good old-fashioned home training. It's obvious you don't associate with too many African Americans, which is your prerogative, but if you did, I'm sure you'd find that attributing this rude young lady’s behavior to a whole ethnic group is absurd.
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Name : Finesse, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 29, City : Pittsburgh, State : PA Country : United States, You're reaching. Your girlfriend has a selfish, immature, possibly greedy and lazy, and definitely disrespectful roommate. It doesn't matter what culture or race she is. The roommate has shown a lack of respect for the boundaries that must exist in any relationship - especially so with roommates, and it's a situation that will end badly. I can honestly say I do not believe it to be racial or cultural. There is no cultural understanding that says food or anything else is up for grabs, unless it is specified by the roommates. Your girlfriend has made her preferences clear - her roommate is taking advantage, and it has nothing to do with race.
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Name : Serene28055, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 44, City : Chandler, State : AZ Country : United States, Occupation : Self Employed-Contractor, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, I had a white roommate in college who did the same thing, so eating someone else's food without permission isn't a cultural difference at all. What your girlfriend's got is an extremely selfish roommate.
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Name : M22294, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 33, City : Brooklyn, State : NY Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, To my knowledge, being greedy and selfish is not a black or white thing. It's justignorant. I went through seven different roommates when I was in college, mostly because I was disgusted with the way they kept their dirty dishes in the room until they got moldy or did other similarly nasty things. It shocked me to find out that, contrary to the way I was raised, many people just don't care about being respectful, or clean, or unselfish. I figured that if you can't show respect for my belongings/my food/my money/me, I can't live with you. She may want to switch rooms or find her own apartment if this other girl is so unreasonable. If the roommate will eat your girlfriend's food with no regard for who paid for it or the arrangement they had, what's next? She may start wearing her clothes...
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Name : Chandra32230, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Jehovahs Witness, Age : 26, City : Detroit, State : MI Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, No! It's a RUDE thing. For some reason this roommate thinks she's not accountable to your girlfriend. Your girlfriend needs to get some backbone and demand respect from this leech. What I find more telling is that you might consider behavior such as ignoring requests and ripping notes to shreds as an accepted way that blacks treat each other. Rude people treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated. Dear Abby has been telling ALL ethnicities that for years!
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Name : Cheryl32340, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 39, City : Atlanta, State : GA Country : United States, Occupation : Office Manager, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, This has nothing to do with culture. When I was in the Air Force and living in the dorm, this same thing occurred. When someone baked some brownies laced with Ex-Lax, we found out who the culprit was. It was a white chick. Rudeness comes in all colors.
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Name : Been-There23316, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 54, City : Newport News, State : VA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, It's not a cultural thing, it's a matter of sharing and respect. What your girlfriend and her roommate should have done was to make an agreement to stick to eating only the foods that each of them had purchased herself - that way this problem would not have come about in the first place. Or perhaps the sister simply didn't understand the meaning of the words 'share and share alike.' She could have met your girlfriend halfway on the subject, or maybe she just took your girlfriend's request the wrong way because she's white and interpreted it as, 'Who the hell is this white b***h to tell what I can and cannot eat?' Last but not least, it may be just a clash of two personalities with completely different habits. In that case, it made sense to get her own fridge. And no, this is not a 'general' way of doing things among black folks. I've heard of a similar situation involving three black roommates, and in the end one of them had to leave because he was doing the same thing: eating up the others' food and not contributing to the expenses. So sometimes it's just human nature in general. Don't paint all black folks with the same brush, because we're not all alike.
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Name : G.K., Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 32, City : Detroit, State : MI Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, I am sick and tired of how when an individual black person does something, it's always assumed to be a matter of culture for the entire race. Stop this type of thinking ... this is why there is still tension among the races. Anyway, to answer your question, no, this is not a cultural thing -- it is a personal issue. Some roommates are lazy and irresponsible, which is related to their character, NOT their race. These types often have a tendancy to think the world owes them -- they are late on rent, and they eat your groceries, etc. Others may think the friendship is so close that the grocery thing is pretty much how it would be in a family situation. Regardless, if your girlfriend made it clear for her roommate not to eat her food and even went as far as to put a note on the refrigerator, the roommate should have known better. It sounds like she just wanted to be a freeloader and not pay for her own groceries. I think getting the private refrigerator was the best option for your girlfriend.
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Name : Kristina26284, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 22, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Occupation : Transcriber, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
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