I don't understand either. How would being feminine attract someone who is interested in men?? I would think that the whole essence of 'maleness' is what attracts men to one another...otherwise they'd just be attracted to women! Of course, maybe feminine qualities set up a domination/submission dynamic that some (not all) may desire.
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Name : Cat32419, City : Richmond, State : VA Country : United States, I think that in general, the reason you feel that gay men act femine, is because that is how the media portrays them. there are plenty of 'masculine' gays, just as there are 'feminine' male straights and 'masculine' female straights, but because of all the pressure from society, straight men can't express their feminine side without being labled gay, and gay men, seeing only feminine gays on TV etc., feel that they need to be girly if they are attracted to other men... but I'm not an expert, so... I also just noticed the gender spefification on the optional section, with only male and female.
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Name : Adrian, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 16, City : Davis, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : student, I tend to think that the reasons for any gender-associated behavior are the same for everyone: a combination of socialization (i.e., learned behavior patterns) and fulfilling the expectations of others. The behaviors that constitute 'acting like a woman' or 'acting like a man' are different in different cultures, after all. Having said that: It is my experience as a gay man that not all gay men 'act like women'--and this is true even for openly gay men. It is probably truer to say that the most _visible_ and easy-to-identify gay men (in the public at large and in the media) behave femininely. The gay men who do not act like women rarely get noticed or identified as gay men--because others typically assume them to be straight.
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Name : Dave, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Buddhist, Age : 32, City : Baton Rouge, State : LA Country : United States, Occupation : Grad Student/College Instructor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, This is one I find as a heterosexual, increasingly annoying. WHY a homosexual MAN has to behave more feminine than a woman is beyond me. I have many homosexual friends. They act like a MAN, even when with thier significant other. Even they hold great disdain for the 'Queens' of the homosexual community. I honestly believe that it is the 'Queens' and the 'Bull-Dykes' that prevent homosexuals from attaining equal rights to heterosexuals. Thier behavior creates xenophobic behavior among heterosexuals. Why do they do it? I can't tell you. To say it's because they're attracted to men is a cop-out answer that answers NOTHING. If that were the case, then heterosexual men and women would be groping each other in public, at work, and every other place imaginable. After all, the 'Queens' act all flaming everywhere. I really find it offensive that a homosexual has to slam thier sexuality into everyone's faces. Heterosexuals are no longer allowed to do that. It's called SEXUAL HARRASSMENT. If the same rule were applied to homosexuals, there'd be a ton of lawsuits regarding thier behavior.
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Name : James Neighbors, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 37, City : Tecumseh, State : OK Country : United States, Occupation : Prep Cook, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Lower class, Not all gay men are effeminate, but those who are stand out. There are multitudes of gay men and women who are not obvious. This is much like asking 'why do lesbians act butch?' Many of us don't, but nobody notices the 'normals'.
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Name : Kæreste, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Unitarian, Age : 22, City : Jacksonville, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : Construction, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, But not all gay men 'act feminine', and not all gay male couples are made up of a feminine man and a masculine man... So, I guess a new question arises, why do some gay men act feminine while others do not?
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Name : Josh, City : New Brunswick, State : NJ Country : United States, Not all gay men 'act feminine'. And some straight men 'act feminine'. And what is seen as feminine or masculine behavior varies from culture to culture and from era to era. So it's really a very complicated question! Look at the pictures of the presidents on our money and they look pretty fey by modern standards. My guess though, is that people tend to behave they way they think they're expected to behave, and that in our culture some gay men identify more with women than with men, so they mimic 'feminine' behavior. But not all gay men do this. I'm gay, but often mistaken for straight. Sometimes I act a bit 'feminine' or make a joke to make straight people understand that I'm gay. Hmmm...
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Name : Rich, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 46, City : Seattle, State : WA Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, WHOAH!!! That's so INCREDIBLY not true, I don't know where to begin!! First of all, I've known plenty of straight men who're more fem than any woman I've ever met. On the flip side, I know of a huge number of gay men who don't have a single effeminate mannerism. I will be the first to admit that stereotypes exist for a reason, but that doesn't make them any more than just that; a stereotype. The truth is, you have zero way of knowing whether the person sitting next to you in is straight or gay without them giving you a definive answer or just by looking at them.
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Name : Bryan, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 27, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Tech support agent, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, Certainly not all gay men are feminine, but it's true that a percentage of them are. How much of a percentage? Who knows. But you can't ignore those that are, and we certainly shouldn't judge them for it (not saying you do). It's a shame there isn't any valid research on the subject, it would be enlightening. Maybe it has something to do with repression? Or a desire to connect to something, and knowing they are attracted to men, they connect a lot more to women? Or maybe it is a combination of things, both psychological and scientific? I know this isn't helpful, but unfortunately, like I said, the research isn't there. But I can tell you that the first time I went to a gay pride parade, I couldn't get over that so many guys were masculine. I was just coming out, and I thought the exact same thing as you. But then I realized, if gay men are sometimes masculine, how would I know if they were gay?
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Name : David21764, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 33, City : New York, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Education, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, Believing that all gay men are effeminate is unsupported by facts. Not all gay men act like women, and I know quite a few straight men who are quite effeminate. I'm a gay man, and while it's not something I try for, I generally pass as straight unless I say something to correct the assumption.
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Name : John, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Buddhist, Age : 36, City : San Diego, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : IT Manager, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, Maybe the question is what constitutes feminine behavior in this society, or what men would naturally act like if unconstrained by the pressures of NOT being seen as gay. I don't see flaming gay men as acting feminine so much as acting, well, gay. And natural to themselves. I don't see butchy lesbians acting like men, either. It's just another style of being a man or woman in an individual way.
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Name : Wendy, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 52, City : Tucson, State : AZ Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, This is such a hard question. First off, it's strange to me that obviously gay men are so strange in society as opposed to tomboy girls. When woman started fighting to wear pants, or get jobs, or play baseball....anything of these things, people coulden't understand why these woman wanted to act like men. Interestingly enough, America is one of the most closed minded places about sex and gender. In many other places, just because your genetically female doesn't mean you're female. It means that your sex is female and your gender is male. If you believe in spirits, think about a female spirit being put into a male body, seeing beautiful celebrities, wanting, just like other woman to look like them. Make-up, pretty clothes....lets face it, woman are prettier than men. If you're a woman, even if you're genetically a male, you want what every woman wants.
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Name : Lani, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, City : Santa Cruz, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, We are all different. I know for a fact that society deems me to be feminine because I enjoy cooking, or cry at a sad movie, or Flail my arms because I'm excited or happy. I can't help it! I'm ME ! I Like Flowers and Talking about a good topic! I Like Pastel colors! I don't Like getting greasy under a motor. I don't understand why Americans can't accept other Americans as we are. This is why Most young American Kids have adopted the rough sounding persona. Be tough and nobody wil mess with you , frame of mind. when You see an oriental cutting flowers , You set it aside as a matter of , oh thats what orientals do! But Let a 6'5' 340 lb. Latin man with a Goatee do some gardening and all the sudden the Homo Patrol is on alert! Maybe that 6'5' 340 Latin with a Goatee who's doing gardening was raised by orientals ! Who knows. accept him as a person with differences. Did you know it was outlawed for women to be actors at 1 time, and the womens parts where played by men! when we take a good look at History we realize people today are just as normal, If Not moreso.
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Name : Paul Sanz, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Religion : Christian, Age : 40, City : Akron, State : OH Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, I never understood that either- I used to date women and was really turned off by butchy women. I am very comfortable with my gender role and always have been, but I never associated my attraction to women with my gender role. There is a quote from a James Baldwin book (it may have been "Another Country") in which the character is looking at flaming gay men and thinking something along the lines of, "if I wanted a woman, I would get a real one, and if I wanted a man, I would certainly not want one of these." That line stuck with me because I find people sexy as definite women or definite men but not as androgynes. Be Kind, for everyone is fighting a great battle." -Plato
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Name : AmyM, Gender : Female, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 42, City : Philadelphia, State : PA Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
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