But not all gay men are effeminate. If they are, of course it's easy to spot them. But many gay men aren't effeminate. That's only a stereotype. For those who are, it's not easy to say why. Why do any of us act the way we do? Sometimes it's simply who they are and other times it's just for fun. Straight men, unfortunately, are told to only act one way. Gay men have more freedom.
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Name : Wes, City : Greensboro, State : NC Country : United States, SOME gay men act feminine, and some lesbians act like men. Alternately, some straights act 'gay' and some gays act 'straight.' The sexual orientation stereotype is less common than you think. But as for your question, 'Why do they act that way?' the answer is that it's not an act; they're being themselves. Most people, gay or straight, have some characteristics of the opposite sex. Homosexuals often have more (or more obvious) characteristics of the opposite sex.
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Name : Karen A., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 37, City : Columbia, State : SC Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, Wake up, Tamika. Everyone is different. True, some gays act quite feminine, but there others who act in perfectly 'normal' (whatever that is) ways. Some gays go to extremes of putting on a butch act, some go all the way to acting quite feminine. I think gays feel that they are pretty much free to act in whatever way they choose. I'm gay, and act pretty much like anyone else. What's the big deal?
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Name : Kris26232, City : Chicago, State : IL Country : United States, Tamika, some gay men act feminine ('nellie'); most don't. The same is true of straight men, of course. A lot of gay men, including me, sometimes do 'nellie' just for fun, as a put on, usually only with other gay men who appreciate mocking the stereotype. I know hundreds of gay men who you'd never guess are gay unless they want you to know or unless you have very well developed 'gaydar'. Most of us look, act and sound like everyone else.
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Name : Tom24138, Gender : M, Age : 57, City : Chicago, State : IL Country : United States, I believe you are buying into a stereotype here. The feme acting gay men is a small segment of the gay community. There are a lot more of the gay society that is not femme acting. If you were to see either me or my partner in public you would have no clue that either of us were gay by our actions. It is not that we are ashamed of being gay, in fact both of us are out gay men. It is just that we do not possess any feminine trats. Hope this helps.
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Name : Terry24715, Gender : M, Age : 47, City : Atlanta, State : GA Country : United States, Sex is biological. Gender is sociological.
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Name : Vail24492, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : mutt, Religion : Atheist, Age : 40, City : Philly, State : PA Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, In my own experience, most of the gay men I know don't act feminine. I personally find it a turn off if a guy acts effeminate. The effeminate gay men are the most noticeable that's true but the rest of us go unnoticed. We are the construction workers, truckers, police officers, doctors, lawyers and in my case, coal miner that you'd never know where gay unless we told you. And we wouldn't be caught dead in a dress or with a man who would wear one. Effeminate gay men and drag queens make up a very tiny percentage of the gay population. Yet, they are the ones everybody sees at the gay pride events so everyone assumes we all live that way. It's not the case. It's a stereotype that personally annoys me (and many other gay men) to no end. I belong to something of a subculture in the gay community. We like to call ourselves bears. (If you search for bears on the internet, you'll get some idea of what we're about and just how large a group we are.) We reject the whole self-obscession with looks movement that we perceive as so pervasive in the gay (club boy) community and we tend to be over 30. There are subcultures in the bear community too but that's the basis of them all. We also have an expression about effeminate men that I'd like to share with everyone... I like men who act like men and if I wanted a woman, I'd date one. And as far as why some gay men act like women, I think sometimes it's just who they are, sometimes it's how they were raised and some of them do it because they are new and think that's how a gay man should act without really knowing any better.
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Name : Roger, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Baptist, Age : 32, City : Whitesburg, State : KY Country : United States, Occupation : Laid off, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, I disagree with your answer. Gay men who behave with a feminine trait stand out more as obviously gay while most of us don't. If you were at a gathering where there were three gay men but only one acted feminine, you would see only one gay man. As an added note, gay culture has changed dramaticly since stonewall in 1969 and the scientific relable in 1972. Many gay people act a certain way because society stereotypes us that way. I believe it's the same for other sub cultures.
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Name : Timothy S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : spiritual, Age : 35, City : West Palm Beach, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : property manager, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper class, I believe that the 'gay culture' allows guys to explore the more feminine characteristics that we all face without fear of gender-related stereotypes. Whereas, in the 'straight' culture, guys are pressured to display their masculinity ('i love football and manual labor') and to suppress their natural femininity ('don't cry at movies, don't comment on the beauty of nature'), this pressure is not evident among homosexuals. If anything, it is the freedom of our community that allows us to express ourselves in ways that are, in reality, quite natural to all men, whether gay or straight. And, it is this freedom that causes some guys who, whether by genetics or personal background, gravitate toward their feminine side, to express that in a more 'flamboyant' way.
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Name : Michael, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 29, City : Chicago, State : IL Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, I noticed in this question an implicit assumption that all (or the majority) of gay men act feminine. This assumption, though understandable in the current cultural climate, reveals a misunderstanding of homosexuality. To equate homosexuality with femininity is to twist homosexuality into a caricature of itself. Naturally, because of contrast, the feminine gay guy is going to be more quickly identified as being gay. However, many (perhaps even a majority) of gay men are not feminine-acting any more than the average straight man. If you met me on the street, you would never know by my mannerisms or appearance that I was a gay man. I do not hide my sexual orientation, nor am I ashamed of it, but by acting as comes natural to me, I am very masculine and, as society would see it, 'straight acting.' If you were to visit an average neighborhood gay club, you would find that, though there will certainly be some flamboyant guys around, you would find many more there who would better remind you of your co-workers or next-door-straight-neighbor. I believe many of us who are gay believe that the freedom to express our 'feminine' feelings and characteristics is a positive thing that even the straight community would be well-served to allow more. Any time a healthy natural tendency must be suppressed due to societal pressures, society is ill-served by such pressures. But just being gay does not mean that I will necessarily fully embrace feminine qualities to the exclusion of any trace of masculinity.
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Name : Michael, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 29, City : Chicago, State : IL Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Some do some don't. Gay men are already breaking one rule by being with men, so gay men who happen to feel feminine are less inhibited than straight men who feel feminine, there's just less to lose because people are already going to dissaprove.
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Name : Jay31300, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Secular Humanist, Age : 21, City : Atlanta, State : GA Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Some do, some don't! Some are 'super-macho' and some are flaming dragsters! Like any and everything else, people don't fit in a single category.
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Name : Dave M., Sexual Orientation : tg lesbian, Race : mixture, Religion : Pagan, Age : 49, City : mc cleary, State : WA Country : United States, Occupation : philosopher, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Lower class, This statement: 'Sexual orientation and gender-specific behavior are inextricably linked.' isn't accurate to me based on my experience in the gay community. Just like any community, we have our differences and diversity in behavior. Gay people fall along a wide continuum of traits and behavior: butch woman vs. 'lipstick lesbian' and butch man vs. 'nelly queen'. I can't remember what show I heard this on but it's appropriate--one character commented, 'That's the gayest straight man I've ever met.' But it's saying the same thing--everyone has a range of traits that has nothing to do with their sexual orientation. There are married women who I could swear are lesbians but they're not. And macho men that I would swear are straight but no, they love men. I guess the point is to just let people be who they are.
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Name : Drew, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 38, City : Indianapolis, State : IN Country : United States, Occupation : Marketing Manager, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, While it's true that some gay men display traits that others see as effeminate, it's also true that, just like straight people, gays' behaviour runs through the entire spectrum - you can't necessarily just pick one out of the crowd. Some of the most effeminate-acting men that I know profess to be straight, while there are others who you would swear are heterosexual until they've told you they're not. That guy benching 300 pounds next to at the gym you could have a boyfriend at home. Your mechanic, your mailman, your boss at the job. Sexual specific traits just don't convey that much anymore. The reason you think that they do, is that these feminine-acting men are simply the ones that you've spotted and decided are gay.
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Name : Kevin, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 49, City : Los Angeles, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, Not all gay men act 'Feminine', just like all lesbians don't act 'manly'. Some gay men do have more feminine qualities and behaviors, but so do some straight men. Cross dressers act feminine sometimes, but not all of them are gay. Gay men that have that extreme feminine behavior are just really in touch with who they are and their feminine feelings. Not to say that gay men who aren't as feminine aren't in touch with who they are, they just don't have as many 'womanly qualities' as the ones who are. I guess you could say that just like there are men and woman in the straight couples, there are 'men' and 'woman' roles taken by gays and lesbians also. One would take a more husbandly role and the other would be more wife like... Just a guess, but that is what I have gathered from some of the gay relationships I have seen. My aunt is lesbian and has been with the same woman for over 30 years, and she is slightly more masculine than her partner, but neither are 'girly' really.
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Name : Michelle, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 34, City : Hermitage, State : PA Country : United States, Occupation : Homemaker, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Upper middle class, 
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