[Tom]

I agree that the behavior you describe is pretty offensive when shared in public. However, in my experience, it is not a white thing. Because you identify as a lesbian, you have likely been to gay community events (rallies, pride parades, union ceremonies) where same-sex couples have held hands, embraced, walked arm-in-arm, walked with arms around each other, or engaged in lingering kisses ... all behavior that would alarm some folks, non-gay people in particular.

You may or may not have been to gay bars or clubs where the ambience is more sexual than social ... there are such clubs for men, for women and even some where men and women mix. Sometimes the activity there is more explicit - full or partial nudity, more profoundly intimate contact in pairs or in groups, s-m play. This is pleasurable for the participants and willing witnesses but not everyone's idea of entertainment. Never in these events that I have been to, or heard of, have I had the sense that these where white-only events. In fact, I (a white, gay male) have been to such events that were predominantly non-white.

I have a feeling that these events that I describe and that you mention (I assume from 'Girls Gone Wild,' Mardi Gras and spring break videos, right?) are just examples of people blowing of steam in an environment where they feel comfortable and with others of similar sexual taste. Maybe you notice an all-white strain because these filmed and videoed examples are being advertised for sale and the sellers believe that their customers are white and want to see white people. Similarly, one rarely sees people of color in Martha Stewart Living magazine or at NASDAQ events, but it does not mean that in life people of color do not cook (or keep showcase houses) or drive cars (or even race them). I suggest that the 'black-out' you notice is commercial and not behavioral.

In fact, there is a considerable amount of sex material (magazine, books, tapes, etc.) featuring non-white people and intended for people of color. Of course, it is not advertised on television.

I might add this thought: 'The sexy stuff I like is erotic, the sexy stuff others like is pornography.'

User Detail :  

Name : Tom, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 50, City : Buffalo, State : NY Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[Tom]

Without full knowledge of California state law, your 25 year old boyfried could be subject to statutory rape. Check your local listings for a program in San Fran that addresses the needs of gay (and lesbian and bi and trans) youth. They can tell you ago of consent laws in your state. Usually 18 years of age. 'Age of consent' laws are, as the name suggests, laws at which age consenting partners can participate in sexual activities with each other without, in most cases, fear of prosecution. In many states in the US (and in many countries throughout the world), where same sex activity (M-M or F-F) is legal, there is a discrepency in age of consent laws. Age of consent is lower (say 16 or 18) for heterosexuals (or females) than it is for same sex couples (especially male-male partners). Some communities have 'Romeo-And-Juliet' laws, which makes some allow for cases when one partner is just above the age of consent and the other is still younger than the age of consent.. usually it is helpful to be able to prove that this couple were involved in a personal/sexual relationship prior to the senior partner having a birthday sending him (or her) above the age of consent. Usually, these laws apply only to heterosexual couples and not same-sex couples. Whether these laws should be leveled so that there is one, universal age of consent for all participants is another discussion. (I think, yes) Whether these laws should exist at all is yet another. (Mmmm, I'm not sure.)

User Detail :  

Name : Tom, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 50, City : Buffalo, State : NY Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[Tom]

Sure... why not? Use the language that will make the most sense to the person to whom you are talking. For me, the word 'fag' can never be diminished in its hateful impact... like the word 'nigger' it is far too potent and used to often as a weapon to ever be neutralized... I can deal with my enemies using the word and I am equipped to respond... however, I would never playfully call friends and colleagues by that name, and expect not to be called by that name.

User Detail :  

Name : Tom, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 50, City : Buffalo, State : NY Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

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