[Nancy]

I work with Asian students at a large public university in the United States, and I found your answer very interesting. I wonder if I could ask your opinion: I advise students about various matters. Several times, Asian students have come to me with a problem, but not wanting to 'upset' people. Apparently I'm not giving them advice they can use, because they frequently leave my office unhappy and as confused as they did when they arrived. I don't have this problem with students from other cultures. The closest I have come to understanding their attitude toward problems is that once, when a student had to make a choice, I went over her options with her. She kept being concerned she would not be doing the right thing. Finally, I told her that neither choice was wrong, it was just a matter of picking the best one for her - but either choice would be acceptable. Well, it was like the sun came out and lit up her face - the stress completely drained away, and she said she'd think it over and let me know her choice. Is a huge deciding factor in Asian choices whether or not they are doing the 'right' thing - which is not necessarily the 'right thing for the student'? Do you have any insight into this situation? I would appreciate your thoughts.

User Detail :  

Name : Nancy, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Episcopalian, Age : 35, City : Atlanta, State : GA Country : United States, Occupation : education, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Nancy]

I went barefoot when I was a kid, and also when I got older. I grew up on a farm, and this may have something to do with it. In fact, whenever I picked my way across my grandparents' gravel driveway, they told me I should go barefoot more often outside to 'toughen up' my feet. Oh, and by the way, we weren't lower middle class. My family owned about a third of the farmland in the county. My dad did some farming on the side, but he also worked in town during week and wore a suit. I was not allowed to wear shorts to town after about the age of 6 or 7. But it seems like being barefoot was acceptable. When I moved to Atlanta, I would occasionally go barefoot, like to a friend's home, or choir practice, or something like that. And it quickly became obvious that people thought this was very strange, and sort of 'hick' behavior. So I quit going barefoot in some places; but in the park, at the lake, or my yard or inside my home - and inside the homes of close friends and family - I still kick off my shoes as soon as I can. I really don't like shoes - even though I have some very nice and comfortable ones. Nothing is as comfortable as going barefoot - not even my Birkenstocks.

User Detail :  

Name : Nancy, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Episcopalian, Age : 35, City : Atlanta, State : GA Country : United States, Occupation : education, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Nancy]

I'm not trying to say this is right or wrong, I just want to point out that when someone only has one or two long fingernails, I always assume it's coke use. Reading these comments, I see that I may not be right as often as I had previously thought. But I do believe I'm right some of the time about this, and this applies whether someone's fingernails are dirty or not, or whether they paint their one long fingernail red (I have seen this, too). I also assume it's coke use no matter what gender or race the person is. What I have never understood is, if someone wants long nails, then why not grow them all out? Why would you want just a few? This is probably because of my upbringing, because my mother taught me that if I grew my nails long and some broke, I should repair the broken ones or cut them all off and let them grow back out the same length. Having nails of different lengths for white girls in the South was seen as a bad cosmetic practice, like letting your roots grow out an inch or more before re-dying your hair.

User Detail :  

Name : Nancy, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Episcopalian, Age : 35, City : Atlanta, State : GA Country : United States, Occupation : education, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Nancy]

My ancestors were primarily Irish, although my family has been in a farming community in the American South for about 300 years. I seem to feel best on a 'meat and potatoes' kind of diet that is modified with an eye toward the 'food pyramid' (lots of grains, fruits and vegetables, little fat). I eat a lot of meat, much more than the few ounces or so a day that the food pyramid says we need, because I do not feel right unless I eat about a pound of meat each day - I get light-headed, and I am always hungry without it. These symptoms set in after about two days of not eating meat. However, I tend to eat much leaner meats than the meats I ate when I was a child - mostly chicken, turkey and some very lean beef, instead of lots of fatty pork and beef products. I am also much more satisfied with potatoes than grains as a source of starch. I don't know if my preference for meat and potatoes is due to my Irish genes, or the way I ate for 18 years at my mother's table, but I am certain that I feel better on this particular diet.

User Detail :  

Name : Nancy, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Episcopalian, Age : 35, City : Atlanta, State : GA Country : United States, Occupation : education, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Nancy]

I went through a similar situation when I came out. I discovered I was a lesbian when I was 19 and met a lesbian in college. I had previously dated guys. I fell into a sort of puppy-love with her; I then went through years of self-doubt, analysis and experimentation, dating both men and women. I think this may be why your friend isn't interested in you as a lover. Many lesbians I know have 'rules' about whom they will and will not date, such as: 1. Never date bisexual women. 2. Never date a woman who has never had sex with another woman before. 3. Never date a woman who has never had sex with a man before. (!) The rules help us avoid going through what you're going through right now, over and over again.

As far as how we can tell who our friends are, well - have you ever been friends with a man who was totally off-limits to you as a potential lover? (a brother-in-law, former fiance of your best friend, gay male, a member of your group of close friends?) Some lesbians 'draw the line' that way - don't date the ex-es of friends, don't date people involved in a relationship, don't date people in your gardening club, whatever. For me, other lesbians are potential friends, but not potential lovers. Then one day, something happens, and one may become a lover. Who can explain mutual attraction? Nobody knows what makes it occur. It might be a little like the way we decided someone was our 'best friend' in grade school, as opposed to just a friend. Good luck - I know this can be a difficult time. We all go through it, though, as far as I know.

User Detail :  

Name : Nancy, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Episcopalian, Age : 35, City : Atlanta, State : GA Country : United States, Occupation : education, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

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