[Bert T.]

My parents, like yours, wanted to ensure that I mastered the local language, English. My parents felt that I would be better prepared for English-speaking society if I concentrated on English, rather than split my attention between English and Chinese. It was a practical decision: I grew up in the Midwestern United States, in a city that had a very small Chinese community and no Chinese schools.

I sometimes regret my lack of Chinese language skills. My parents speak English, but Chinese is their 'true' language, one that I don't share. I would like to better communicate with my family members who still live in Taiwan and/or do not speak English well, if at all. And I still feel a little embarrassed when other Chinese (especially older ones) cluck at me for not speaking the mother tongue.

However, my parents' approach worked: I can speak and write English well (at least, I hope so!). Because I spend more time in English-speaking society than in Chinese-speaking society, my Chinese language skills do not hurt my ability to chase my dreams in this country.

In addition, language is but a part of one's Chinese identity. It is more important to have Chinese 'values.' You don't need to speak the tongue in order to appreciate the importance of your family. Finally, if you still think that your failure to learn to speak Chinese was a mistake, remember that the 'mistake' was not yours, but your parents' - you are not responsible for the manner of your own upbringing.

If speaking Chinese is important to you, it is never too late to learn. Most colleges offer Chinese courses (at least in the United States), and you can learn Chinese from your parents and/or friends. (I assume from your age that you are in or will soon enter college.) There are always opportunities around you.

Do not feel that you are alone, and do not feel ashamed of yourself. I, and many of my Chinese-American friends, grew up speaking English only. It's a natural outcome of the efforts of Chinese-heritage immigrants to adapt to and establish roots in new cultures. Never believe - not even for a minute - that something is wrong with you, that your worth or the strength of your character depends on what language you speak. Feel free to write me back.

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Name : Bert T., Gender : M, Race : Chinese, City : N/A, State : NA Country : United States, 

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