[Mark S.]

Do parents of children 20 or younger realize how miserably they have failed in their duty to discipline and acculturate their children, and don't they realize they are creating a danger to society?

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Name : Mark S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 31, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Steve27649]

Believe me, most parents I know are humbled by how difficult parenting is. Every step of the way, schools, friends, family and non-parents are ready, if not willing, to point out all your faults as a parent. So to answer your first question: Yes, parents are painfully aware of their failings. However, a common assumption made is that a child is an empty vessel one gets to fill up with good things. Believe me, most parents will tell you that babies come from the womb with strong personalities and that no two are alike. There is no roadmap; you just do the best you can. It is a constant balancing act to try to provide challenge, experience and open-mindedness while satisfying the need to keep your children safe and well-protected. However, for every tragic pipebomb maker, there are thousands of well-adjusted kids who go off to college, get jobs and start the cycle over.

By the way, most parents don't consider the job over when the kid hits 20, either. You hope there is a finish line, but there never is. You always worry about your children.

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Name : Steve27649, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 42, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, 

[Chip32130]

I think the tone of your question is really unfair to a lot of people. While I do agree that some parents have failed, I don't think that failure can be directed at parents of children 20 years and younger. While I do not have children, I have three younger nieces who are disciplined (when necessary), are learning about all cultures and are not a threat to society or to themselves. I don't think your disdain should be pointed at the "parents of the '90s," but perhaps all parents in general. Don't you think other generations have raised children who became dangers to society? Think about Charles Manson, John Wayne Gacy, Ted Kazinski (the Unabomber). I don't think you can consider any of them model citizens.

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[John K.]

Bravo! Finally, someone has addressed the role of the parents in the poor behavior and discipline of children today. While I would not go so far as to suggest that all parents have been negligent, certainly a number have. Ever notice how a number of these negligent parents are the same people who rebelled against authority in every possible way in the '60s and early '70s? Hmmm ... wonder if there is a connection there.

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Name : John K., Gender : M, Age : 26, City : Cranford, State : NJ Country : United States, Occupation : Chemical Engineer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Joshua29148]

I am curious to know if Mark has ever been a full-time parent. It may affect his views drastically.

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Name : Joshua29148, Gender : M, Age : 20, City : Pittsburgh, State : PA Country : United States, Occupation : College student, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[Laura26062]

Gee, all of us? That's a lot of people. I am both a parent of two boys and a professor at a community college, so I spend a lot of time with people who are under 20. While many of the niceties of previous generations have fallen by the wayside ("sir" and "ma'am," for instance), on the whole I would have to disagree strenuously with you. Many of my students are both attending college and working at least part-time; most are responsible and serious about their lives. As a parent, I try to provide a disciplined and loving framework in which my kids can live. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, but that's the nature of being human. And at the risk of sounding snooty, from your profile and your question I doubt you have children, and parenthood is truly one of those experiences you can't describe unless you've been there.

Finally, the challenges that young people face today are far more serious and, in some cases, life-threatening, than any we ever faced. Under those circumstances, is it any wonder kids aren't worried about saying please and thank you?

Some kids do bad things. And in our society, bad is much worse that it used to be. But to categorize everyone under 20 as undisciplined and uncivilized, and then to blame their parents for it, is not only unfair, it just isn't useful. If you see changes that need to be made, start making them. Mentor a teenager, volunteer as a tutor or a coach, do something constructive. You don't have to have children of your own to make an impact. Don't just gripe and lay blame. Then you're just part of the problem.

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[Andrew]

Maybe I didn't get the failure notice in the mail. My kids, 4 and 2, are about as polite and well-behaved as any boys of that rambunctious age are. They say please and thank you when they're reminded. They don't hit, or say anything worse than "poo-poo head," which I'm trying to discourage. Is that my failure? My boys are a danger to society because they say "poo-poo head" Am I missing something here?

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Name : Andrew, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 35, City : Huntington, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Reporter, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Janon]

I'm going to assume the question was intended to discuss those parents of children who actually are sociopathic, rather than implying that all children under 20 are sociopathic. I have to admit that my dander was immediately raised when first reading your question - I have two children, almost 7 and 4. My answer has to be, 'not always.' I've encountered parents of young children (under 6) who honestly feel their children are perfect angels, even though their children hit other people (kids and adults), talk back to the parents and other adults, etc. So, either the parents think that's 'normal' behavior, or they simply have those special 'love blinders' on.

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[Jesse-N30799]

You have a lot of nerve to ask this question as you do. You may have a legitimate beef with many of today's children, but you have never met my three (11, 8, 6) and you have no reason to claim I have failed miserably as a parent. While I often am unhappy with some of the things my kids do, I think about the recent events of Colorado, and at least I don't worry that my kids are going to do that. They may argue with each other over stupid things, but they know without a doubt that killing a whole bunch of others is wrong.

Furthermore, your message and the note that you are gay implies you have no kids of your own. You have absolutely no idea how difficult it is to raise children, and your opinions on childrearing have no standing with me if you've never tried to do it.

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[Angie W.]

While I firmly believe that parents should be held accountable for their children's actions, I do not agree that all parents of children 20 years and younger are failures. As a parent, you can monitor what your child does, teach them good Christian value and do your best to shield them from life's harsh realities as much as possible. The parents of those two boys in Littleton should have realized there was something going on. There is no way my sons could have kept that large an arsenal without me knowing it. Those guns came from somewhere.

That being said, not every teen and young adult runs around shooting, looting, pillaging and creating mayhem. If you think about the sheer number of young people in this country, the percentage is not nearly as large as the media would have us believe.

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[Michell20534]

Since you are gay, I will assume you have no children. Let me enlighten you: Trying to do a good job of parenting is more complicated and confusing than ever. We are now supposed to forget everything we learned from our parents about discipline, including spanking and generally being held accountable for our actions. If we ever cross the line and yell too much or give an out-of-control kid a slap, we put ourselves at risk of having our children taken away from us, losing our careers and doing jail time. Add to the mix households with two working parents, or households run by a single exhausted parent, as well as a myriad of other scenarios, and there is not a lot of opportunity for proper discipline.

The next time you see a situation like this, why not offer to help out? Offer to be a "big brother" to a needy kid. Problems are better solved by doing something about them, rather than complaining

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Name : Michell20534, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 32, City : Panama City, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : Law enforcement, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Mark S.]

Since several people have mentioned it, the fact that I have no kids of my own has no bearing on my concern with the discipline of today's children. My parents brought me up with discipline, and I know the difference. Moreover, I have to live with kids and young adults in my community just like everyone else, and I don't want to have to clean up after other people's mistakes. I maintain that it is time to end the modern "progressive" experiment in child-rearing, as it as not worked.

Michell brings up a good point, which is that parents are not allowed to discipline their children anymore, out of fear of being labeled child abusers. This is very true, but it is only half the problem. The other half is parents being too cowardly to stand up to liberal-minded peer pressure and Draconian institutions like Child Protective Services. I think we need to lobby Congress to get this new arm of the government out of the family.

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Name : Mark S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 31, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Kathryne]

You can't be serious. All parents have failed all children under the 20? Yes, there are a lot of parents whose behavior indicates a belief that the TV/Nintendo/Play Station/New Car should make up for a lack of demonstrative love, affection, rules and guidelines. But there are far more who are actively involved in their children's lives - from soccer to chores to homework help and daily celebrations of small successes and immediate and fair punishment for transgressions.

Shame on you for not recognizing those kids who do in fact do well, who are good neighbors to have and a joy to work with. It's not necessary to be a parent to have some empathy for how hard it is to raise an adult - tell me one thing you've always done exactly right, involving another living creature, with no training manual or assembly instructions, for the last 20+ years, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week - can you think of one single thing? I didn't think so.

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[Patrick H.]

There always have been and always will be poor parents. But why now are there seemingly more poor parents than before? Society as a whole and the government are to blame. Of late, people have been pushing that spanking and discipline is bad and harmful to children. However, these are the same people who were spanked when they were younger, and if you ask them they turned out OK. It is a hypocritical stance to take and one that is leading to the absence of discipline in the home. Add to that the push to involve the government in family situations at the slightest hint or even thought of something going wrong, and it only compounds matters. Children are taught that if they are ever spanked or hit in any way (and I am not talking about abuse that would leave marks) to call the police. Parents are literally caught in a Catch-22. They are unable to discipline their children because they fear the potential consequences of the law. Then their children do something wrong and they get lambasted for not being more strict. There is nothing wrong with some good, old-fashioned discipline that includes spanking and the like that many of us were accustomed to when we were growing up.

By the way, I am 24 and was disciplined as a child and have grown up respecting the people around me as well as moderating my actions to conform pretty well with established rules and law. Further, I still love my parents and do not resent them for punishing me when I needed to be punished.

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[Brian-C]

While I admit that many parents seem more lax today in the discipline of their children than previous generations, I'm quite wary of saying it is the major cause of problems with today's youth. As with all things, there is more than one cause. It's easy to point fingers at parents (especially if you're not one) or a lack of supervision and rigid discipline. The truth is, there are numerous variables that affect how children turn out. I was spanked very rarely as a child and turned out quite well. When I did something wrong, I was told it was wrong and why. Spanking a kid doesn't tell him/her anything other than "what you did was wrong." It doesn't give a reason, and if they don't know why it's wrong, they're likely to do it again because they don't understand the consequences of their actions, other than they might get spanked (if they get caught). I'll admit, I'm not a parent, so I haven't had first-hand experience, but I would think that talking to children and explaining why they shouldn't do what they're doing would be more effective than spanking them and simply telling them "No!" I think it would also help a child understand how his/her actions affect others and help them make decisions based on that. Spanking only teaches children that there are certain rules that should be obeyed because their parents say so.

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