[Troy24912]

At work, a co-worker brought up a very good point that I hope can be answered. Homosexual men, by what would appear to be an overwhelming majority, still dress and have the outlook appearance of men, as far as clothes, hair styles, etc. Why is it that a far greater proportion of lesbians often dress and style themselves to look like men? It would seem that a lesbian would like her partner to look feminine (and vice versa), as that is the sex they are interested in. And yet, at work, we often see lesbians in short haircuts and typically 'male' attire. You don't often see a male wearing a dress to accentuate the fact that he likes other men (not that I'm saying it doesn't happen). Any thoughts?

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Name : Troy24912, Gender : M, City : Normal, State : IL Country : United States, 

[Hope]

I don't know if I can give you a specific, definite answer, but I can give you some general info. First, obviously there are plenty of gay men who enjoy gender bending, otherwise the term 'drag queen' wouldn't be part of the American lexicon. In the early 20th century, it was basically illegal to be gay or lesbian. Bars were raided and patrons were thrown in jail (after having their names and addresses printed in the newspaper). The general historical context of cross-dressing is that if one member of a couple could pass for the opposite sex, then they might actually get served in a restaurant, be able to go out in public, and not get beaten up. I think that masculine-looking lesbians nowadays are also a product of both the Women's Liberation movement and the sexual revolution. In California, many women - not just lesbians - don't shave, the theory being if men don't have to shave, then why should women. Hairy armpits may not faze anyone in San Francisco, but they're sure to turn heads and garner comments in Iowa. Masculine clothing goes with the same concept - if you're more comfortable wearing flannel, then wear flannel. P.S. Just as some men prefer a tough woman like Jessica Alba to a girly woman like Cameron Diaz, or a short haired woman like Pink to a long haired woman like Julia Roberts, not lesbians want their '... partner to look feminine ...' (nor do all lesbians prefer their partners to look masculine). Long story short, there's no one type that everyone finds attractive (gay or straight), and there's no accounting for taste: everybody is SOMEBODY'S type.

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Name : Hope, Gender : Female, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Religion : Jewish, Age : 38, City : Pittsburgh, State : PA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, 

[Maggy22309]

Actually, there is a whole range of clothing preferences for lesbians, as there are for heterosexual women. I have liked dresses better than pants almost since I came out of the womb. I know other women who think wearing a dress or skirt is about the worst thing you can ask of them.

Here are some of my theories:

A. You may have acquaintances who, unbeknownst to you, are lesbians. Since they don't adhere to the stereotype of the 'mannish' lesbian, you might not realize it.

B. It is often viewed as more acceptable for women to dress like men or to wear men's clothing than it is for men to wear women's clothes. Straight, bi and lesbian women often prefer to wear pants, and this is often sanctioned in the workplace or in social settings. Some jobs, such as auto mechanic, even require women to dress more in what is traditionally viewed as masculine. The only jobs I can think of that would require men to dress in what is viewed as feminine would be female impersonator or drag queen.

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Name : Maggy22309, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, City : Cincinnati, State : OH Country : United States, 

[Mark Bentley]

I think you are reaching a conclusion based on faulty data. I propose that your far greater proportion of lesbians that dress like men is based on the fact that those are the ones you tend to notice - they stand out from the crowd, so to speak. 'Lipstick' lesbians can blend in very easily and can pass without notice. Men's clothing is more comfortable, less restictive and cheaper, per my bestest butch lesbian friend. Her job, in the US Army, has her wearing the exact same clothes as the guys. Can't have a LTC wearing a dress while commanding her battalion out in the field! Clothing isn't always about 'attracting' somebody. Quite often, it's a statement of your style and comfort level.

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Name : Mark Bentley, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : UFMCC - Cathedral of Hope, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[Sue]

Mostly because the non-feminine ones usually dress for comfort rather than what society/men have deemed acceptable for them to wear. If you look around, the majority of straight women who have long hair are young. When they get older and care more about comfort than attracting men, they cut it short. I consider high heels masochistic and don't think women would wear them if not for men. If I didn't have to wear a bra in public, I wouldn't. I don't like the way I look or feel without one as I'm well-endowed.

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Name : Sue, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 48, City : Ft .Worth, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : burned-out nurse, 

[Denise R.]

Mmmm. I absolutely love women who choose to and are secure enough to dress butch. These women know there are plenty of us out there and they want to send us a definite sign. Being a more feminine lesbian myself, I enjoy the extra diversity of being with a butch woman, maybe it is like getting the best of both worlds. I do think among more of the younger lesbians they do go for the 'two fems' couple thing. My mother once asked me why I didn't date 'pretty' lesbians; my response was that, 'I want to be the pretty one.'

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Name : Denise R., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Questions, Age : 41, City : Lawton, State : OK Country : United States, Occupation : self-employed, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Allison31438]

You state that 'a far greater proportion of lesbians often dress and style themselves to look like men,' and I have to disagree with that. You see women who dress like men and a) assume that they are lesbians and b) assume that they make up the majority of lesbians. I have seen a number of women (surprisingly mostly at casinos and Wal-Mart) who I would swear are big old bull dykes - until I spot their husband and kids. Also, the butchy lesbians you see are the ones you can identify as being lesbians, but the majority of us look just like any other woman out there. You just don't know that because you can't spot us as easily - we're the stealth lesbians.

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Name : Allison31438, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 37, City : Orange County, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Computers, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Sarah28140]

You imply in your message that all women that wear men's clothing are lesbians. This is definetly not the case. I'm a very straight, very feminine female teenager, and i have been known to wear clothing thought to be 'masculine'. I wear guy's pants sometimes, merely because they are more comfortable than the obscenely tight selection of female pants i can find. i also wear ties. Clothing does not define a person.

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Name : Sarah28140, City : Portage, State : MI Country : United States, 

[JANAY]

THE DIFFRENCE IS THAT A LESBIAN WHO DRESSES LIKE A DUDE IS CALLED A DOM AND A LESBIAN WHO DRESSES LIKE A GIRL IS CALLED A FEMME. TWO DOMS WILL NEVER GET TOGETHER AND TO FEMMES WITH NEVER GET TOGETHER. IT KINDA LIKE A HETEROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP.

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Name : JANAY, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : Black/African American, Age : 14, City : WASHINGTON, State : DC Country : United States, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 

[Brittany]

In my teenage society there are two slang terms that are associated with a sexual preference. Now they not offensive but are some differences. The terms are Dom and Fem which are both females but they are lesbians. A Dom is female that is gay but dresses like a male. The dom is suppose to take on the role as 'man'. And the fem its self-explanatory. Its the gay female who dresses like a girl should. The fem takes in the role as a girl. I've been told that it's against homosexual rules for lesbians to have relationships such as a Dom with a Dom and a Fem with a Fem. Its ridiculous because when you actually sit down and think about its like their contradicting themselves.

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Name : Brittany, Gender : Female, Race : Black/African American, Age : 20, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, 

[Brittany]

In my teenage world there are two slang terms associated with lesbians: "Dom" and "Fem". A Dom is a female who is gay but dresses like a male. The Dom is supposed to take on the role of the 'man' in the relationship. The Fem is the gay female who dresses like a girl should. The Fem takes on the role as a girl. I've been told it's against homosexual rules for lesbians to have relationships such as a Dom with a Dom and a Fem with a Fem. It's ridiculous, because when you think about it, it's like they're contradicting themselves.

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Name : Brittany, Gender : Female, Race : Black/African American, Age : 20, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, 

[Kathleen]

You know what? I've never thought of it that way. Still it's a matter of preference on who you date. There isn't really a rule book to it. Yes some women believe there should be a certain balance, but not everyone. I have a 'stud/dom' friend and this is how she explained it to me. She said that she wanted someone who was softer than her and not someone who would try to wear her jersey or get sweaty with her on the court. I don't really see the problem with fem/fem/ or dom/dom. but, whatever floats your boat.

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Name : Kathleen, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Pentecostal, Age : 21, City : New Orleans, State : LA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[Bryan]

Whoever told you there were rules for homosexuality knew even less about the subject than you. The only 'rule' there might be is that there is an attraction to someone of the same sex. But that's more a definition of the word, rather than a rule. I've known several lesbian couples, and observed quite a few more. I have to say that there is indeed such a thing as a 'Dom w/ Dom' or 'Fem w/ Fem' lesbian relationship. Also, might I suggest that a better term would be 'butch' or 'masculine' instead of 'Dom.' Dom tends to connote there being a dominant trait to the individual, where it seems to me the trait you're describing is purely in physical appearance. Also, as to one of them taking the role of the 'man' in the relationship, I can only speak as a gay man. Neither partner in a same-sex relationship is taking the place of the opposite sex, regardless of their role (if any) in the physical aspect of the relationship.

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Name : Bryan, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 27, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Tech support agent, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

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