[Dot]

My Lutheran parents want to be cremated. I intend to honor their wishes despite my own personal beliefs.

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Name : Dot, Gender : Female, Age : none, City : L.A., State : CA Country : United States, Social class : Middle class, 

[ItsMe]

So this is a very sensitive topic, in my house. Thank God, my mom is a healthy woman but everybody dies and this is getting complicated. The issue is I converted to Judaism 12 years back, married a Jew, have 3 Jewish children, a very Jewish home and am very tight with my husbands extended Jewish family. I'm a Jew. My mother has decided to start practicing her Catholocism again and has announced to me, her only child, she wants a Catholic burial. I dont know how to begin to tell her, if that's what she wants I dont think I can give it to her. I have issues with embalming, with waiting past 3 days to bury, with an open casket, with having a ceremony in a church (she specified the cathedral) where I wouldnt be permitted to pray for my own mom. We've been thinking about where the shiva house would be and how to make it work by maybe having a couple of ceremonies, one the way she wants (perhaps planned by her younger brother?), and the other the way we want, but it always ends up turning the whole thing into a fiasco of casket shuffling and general anxiety. I had half siblings (mutual father) to arrange the burial of my father several years back, but I am my mothers only child. Please help! I can not be the only person out there in this situation. I want to honor my mother without dishonoring my faith and ignoring commandments.

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Name : ItsMe, Gender : Female, Religion : Jewish, City : DFW, State : TX Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 

[ShirleyAvery]

I'm Jewish, but believe it's important to respect the wishes of the one to be buried. If you don't have siblings, perhaps you have cousins who are willing to carry out your mother's wishes. If you choose not to participate in the service, that's your choice, but let me add that I have an Orthodox cousin who will not attend a relative's wedding if that relative marries a non-Jew and I find that a bit offensive. Just Curious

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Name : ShirleyAvery, Gender : F, Disability : none, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, Age : 52, City : st. louis, State : MO Country : United States, Occupation : writer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[SD]

You chose to become a Jew. You were not born as a Jew. Your mother's funeral is not about you. It is about her and respecting her last wishes. As many "problems" as you may have with her funeral arrangements, did it ever dawn on you that she may have had "problems" with your conversion to Judaism? Why wouldn't you be permitted to pray for your own mother? Did it ever occur to you that you dishonored your Christian faith and family by converting to Judaism? Stop using your faith as an excuse to dishonor your own mother - which is against one of the Ten Commandments located in the OLD Testament.

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Name : SD, Gender : Female, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Episcopalian, Age : 38, City : Tampa, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : Executive, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[JerryS]

You got some good responses already (and a clunker, IMHO), but here's my two cents' worth: Having two ceremonies is just plain silly. If your mother has any Catholic relatives, then she should have a Catholic burial for their sake as well as her own. Even if she doesn't, I still think she should have a Catholic funeral. Let's face it, a funeral is a big part of somebody's religious life. It is a final assertion of who we are and what we believe. You mentioned "ignoring commandments". Are you thinking that going to your mother's Catholic funeral would be idol worship? Nobody is telling you to worship Jesus, just go and be gracious. It isn't your house, so you follow their rules. Don't take communion. If it goes against your principles to stand and sit with the rest of the congregation, simply remain sitting; if you'd rather look less conspicuous, stand. You're not really doing anything but change position. Don't kneel. A friend of mine just went through this very thing. His mother had a Catholic wake and funeral; and they sat shiva at his house. When he was at a Catholic ceremony, he behaved as any visitor would; and when non-Jews came by to pay their condolences I presume they did the same. Nobody asked him to say the rosary, and nobody asked them to say Kaddish. By the way, there was a Rabbinical decision (in the Middle Ages, I'm pretty sure) that Catholics are not idolators. The context was a question about whether Catholics could participate in the making of kosher wine. As for "dishonoring your faith", making a selfish stink is not, in my opinion, honoring your faith. What would you do if you were invited to your niece's Christening?

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Name : JerryS, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, Age : 52, City : New Britain, State : CT Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[NaomiBen-Ari]

This is a good question to ask your rabbi. There are thousands of Jewish converts and they all have to deal with life cycle events of their non-Jewish family. Believe me, you will find that you are not the first to have a similar question, and the rabbi will be well able to guide you. I speak from experience: my husband is an Orthodox convert. Naomi

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Name : NaomiBen-Ari, Gender : Female, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, Age : 54, City : Jacksonville, State : FL Country : United States, 

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