My friends and I were at the 'Cheesecake Factory,' and the restaurant was very crowded. We were standing in a very small space (there was nowhere else to stand) and many people had to get by us. Most blacks would say 'excuse me' in order to pass, but not one white person did the same. This isn't the first time I've encountered whites not saying those magic words, but on this night it was on a large scale. What's the deal?
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Name : Sheena, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 29, City : Los Angeles, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, I hate to sound prejudiced, but I've always wondered about this, too. Many white people seem oblivious to the people around them, whether they stand in your way and ignore you as you say 'excuse me,' forcing you to shove your way between or around them, or whether they are doing the shoving, without saying a word. ___________________
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Name : Jennifer R., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Humanist, Age : 29, City : Saint Paul, State : MN Country : United States, Occupation : Writer/Student, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, I often wondered the same thing, noticing white folks would rather squeeze past me or go out of their way to avoid saying excuse me. I believed it was because they felt it unnecessary to be polite to African Americans. Then I noticed they don't say excuse me to each other often, either. At one point in my career, I worked in retail and was often the first person many of the white salespeople encountered in the morning, and many would not say a simple 'Good morning,' even if I did first. Was it because I was black? Was it because I held a management position? Was it both? I came to the conclusion that they just were not trained to be polite as a matter of course. Being polite for African Americans was not only a sign of good upbringing, but in some instances a matter of life or death. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one witnessing this behavior.
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Name : Maggie-F, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Catholic, Age : 38, City : Detroit, State : MI Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, I do say 'excuse me,' 'thank you,' 'you're welcome,' etc. Having said that, let me say that I lived in Mexico and was horrified at the way 'American tourists' interacted with natives. It seemed they always expected to be served and were extremely rude, making me ashamed to be 'American.' I believe it to be a 'mainstream' cultural trait.
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Name : Laurene, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 49, City : San Juan Capistrano, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Secretary, Education level : 2 Years of College, I can only speak for myself. I am a white educated female who way overuses the phrase 'excuse me,' because, well, I don't want to be rude to anyone. People of any color who don't say 'excuse me,' 'please' and 'thank-you' are just plain rude.
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Name : Jennifer C., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, City : Arlington, State : VA Country : United States, Occupation : government employee, Here's an interesting reversal of your situation: Last year and the year before, when I was in year 11 and 12 at school, I noticed that white kids in year 7 and 8 would always scurry right out of my way if I tried to walk past or through a group of them before I had a chance to say 'excuse me' - but if I were trying to get past Aboriginal kids of the same age, even after excusing myself, I would have to dodge and weave around the kids, because they usually just stood their ground. (By the way, I am 5'2" and extremely slight.) Even if I was (accidentally) obviously on a collision course with another Aboriginal (younger or my age), they would never appear to see me. It doesn't really worry me, but I wonder what it's all about.
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Name : Netta, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 18, City : Armidale, State : NA Country : Australia, Occupation : Student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, Usually I flinch at these broad generalizations about any race, but I have to say, I have noticed this strange trend of either shoving or this strange oblivion to surrounding people. And I'm white. Now, before I read this question, I assumed that it was just a trait in rude people. But as I scour my memory I have to admit I've only seen it in white people, often among my peers. It could have some truth or it could be the fact that I'm around white people more often than other races. But if I had to characterize (and generalize) a negative aspect of white people it would not be as outright malicious or malevolent as assumed here (in some of the above responses). A lot of white people, due to their upbringing, are unknowingly destructive, unawares, blind to their surroundings, insensitive to other's needs cause THEY DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW. Not until I went to college on a diverse campus was I even aware of the entire world of problems facing people of color or the insanely inconsiderate behavior with which I may have been raised . This shoving example illustrates that beautifully. But again, perhaps this is more of a people trait. My exposure to other ethnitices, while fairly broad, is still significantly less than white people. I don't know: generalizations are so dangerous anyway.
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Name : Lisa, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 24, City : los Angeles, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, Etiquette is an over-stylized concept and practice. That is not to say that everyone should go around acting belligerent. All that is meant by the statement is that people have created meaningless rituals for everyday interactions. Not saying 'excuse me' or 'sorry' when in the context of a busy situation is by far the least of my concerns. I mgiht be worried if people were pushing and shoving on purpose,but I believe that in most situations that is not the case. Lastly, unless you are in some backward community, the difference in the level of etiquette between races or different ethnic groups will not be significant.
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Name : Patrick Wood, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 19, City : Niagara Falls, State : NA Country : Canada, Occupation : Research Assistant, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Upper middle class, I have to wonder if this behavior is a regional, as opposed to a racial thing. I was born and raised in rural northern California. Since people were not usually in situations here where they were crammed together and jostling for the same space, they tended to give one another a pretty wide berth. Brushing up against somebody in anything other than a standing only room would have been considered very rude. When I started moving around the country to more urban areas, I was rather shocked and annoyed by the way people, white, black, purple or plaid, would push past me, even when it was not necessary, and not say one word of apology. My son looked at me in utter astonishment the first time somebody, (a black girl), did this to him. So, like I said, I think it may be more regional than racial. Think of New York City.
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Name : Michell20538, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 32, City : Dayton, State : OH Country : United States, Social class : Middle class, I have experiences of folks of assorted races saying or not saying 'excuse me.' I think the issue is who do you notice and feel respect for or even feel that you owe that courtesy to? I think some white folks not saying 'excuse me' to some Black folks or other folks of color is a function of racism, those white folks literally don't notice the people they're passing. Similarly, I've been in situations where it's way majority white and middle class and someone of color who seems classwise to be poorer/working class moves through the crowded space and doesn't say 'excuse me.' I'm guessing at that moments, it's a possible declaration of not owing an 'excuse me' to anyone.
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Name : Susan, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : Italian/Ojibway mixed, Religion : Catholic, Age : 36, City : Minneapolis, State : MN Country : United States, Occupation : editor, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, I'm not sure why, but even though I'm white and live in a mostly white environment, I'm not comfortable with questioning the rude ones. There certainly has been a drop in manners. Just today, I was at a window about car registration, and someone (white) tried to crowd me out even though the lobby was almost empty so there was plenty of space. A couple of weeks ago, I moved up in line at a deli and was ready to place my order and two 6 to 8 year olds (white) ran up and tried to cut in front. I can't stand having my 'space' invaded, but as soon as someone says 'excuse me', all is forgiven and I am less stressed. So, I acknowledge other people when passing by in a crowd, and I do not crowd other people when in a line. Perhaps the pushy & rude types don't have any concept of personal space, but that seems unlikely.
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Name : meb, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 39, City : Raymond, State : NH Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, I don't think its a rudeness towards blacks or minorities - I think its just rudeness in general. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've been in a crowded area and had white people (and it is mostly white people who behave this way) practically step on me. Interestingly enough, I tend to say 'excuse me' more consistently to blacks than I do to whites. Then I worry if I'm being overly sensitive to race...
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Name : Catherine, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 32, City : Wilkes-Barre, State : PA Country : United States, Occupation : System Analyst, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, Hey Sheena! How's it going? Black people connecting with each other on nearly every level has to do with their home training -- much of which is much more intensive than white peoples' home training (no matter what the class), and definitely different. The reason seems to be, in my opinion, is that many of our cultural customs and traditions are hold overs from the slavery and post slavery eras. Survival was of the utmost importance, so folks tended to really stick together. When you're walking down the street, corridor, etc., and see a black person, how many times do you all make eye contact and some type of acknowledgement of each other? How many times does that happen with a white person? You might want to think about studying black history in depth -- not in any books, the answers you're seeking probably aren't there -- but by talking to your elders and asking them, who, what, why and when. Oral history is the best way to get the truth. Peace. Laj
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Name : lajadjie, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : mixed, Religion : Humanist, Age : 52, City : chicago, State : IL Country : United States, Occupation : freelance writer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, I'm surprised no one mentioned that this phenomenon is most likely related to one's upbringing. I am white and I can say that I always, always excuse myself if I'm making my way past a crowd of people (or even one person), regardless of race. I also hold doors open for people and more often than not, let them go ahead of me. I say 'Thank you,' and 'Please.' I respect other people of other races and cultures because my parents taught me to be respectful and polite. They taught me manners and common courtesy. But let me say that I've seen a great majority of both African Americans and Caucasions these days (particularly the young people) who never extend common courtesies to others because they don't respect or care about anyone but themselves. I think it's sad that so many people disregard others, no matter what race, and impose their self-importance with their narrow-minded and rude attitudes and behaviors. So, to all you parents, do your job and teach your kids some manners. I can't even begin to tell you how far the basic human courtesies can go to make others feel respected and valued. We need more of that in this world by everyone.
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Name : KR, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 26, City : West Palm Beach, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : Writer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, I wonder if your reaction is a cultural one. It appears to me that many black people are very sensitive to being 'disrespected,' so maybe they put more emphasis on polite words? As a white person, I just don't concern myself with who is disrespecting me or not. The word 'disrespect' is not even in my vocabulary. Be careful how you use 'excuse me' because some people understand it as 'get out of my way.' If you ever go to China, don't say it. If you do, it means that you're trying to get off easy after inconveniencing them when you knew you could have avoided it.
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Name : Carlton-B19255, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, City : Atlanta, State : GA Country : United States, 
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