[Anatole-R]

It seems to me that women take longer than men to accept, trust and be open with each other. Men seem to band together and have more of a laugh, yet women seem to be less sociable with their own sex. Is this part of our genetic makeup, or is it based on socialization and expectations?

User Detail :  

Name : Anatole-R, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Taoist, Age : 25, City : London, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Lucy H]

Women are instinctively very communal - meaning we are naturally very social and look to one another for support. Women rely on each other for emotional help, advice, help with daily chores, etc. This type of closeness forms very strong bonds between women, but it requires the women to be close, not new acquaintances. Women often view women they do not know as threatening, and therefore are cold to them. I don't know if this is instinctual or due to socialization, but women tend to view other women as competition for male attention. I have noticed that in situations where no men are present, women tend to be much more open to women they do not know who are introduced into the group. It definitely takes women longer than men to become friends, but the friendships between women are generally closer than those between men.

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Name : Lucy H, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Age : 24, City : San Jose, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Tinu]

I partially disagree with your analysis, and I also think that the answer is socialization and expectations, nurture rather than nature, if you will.

I disagree with your premise of how fast it takes women vs. men to make friends. Men make superficial friendships more quickly, that is true, but women make long-lasting, deeper friendships more quickly, in my experience.

During youth, men are grouped together in sports, in playtime, and women are pitted against each other in social competition. How close man and women are differs also on the basis of where you are from. When I lived in Africa, there were more activities in school where girls were grouped together, so I found myself able to meet more people. On the other hand, when I returned to the States, I became more of a Man's woman, and made friends with men more easily, but not the chummy kinds of sporting events or "pub" friends most of my male friends have. I found that for my male friends, they were looking for someone to talk to about how they feel, what they think, what their goals and dreams are. This was something they often did not get from their male friends, or so they told me.

I'm willing to bet that it differs from country to country.

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Name : Tinu, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 27, City : Greenbelt, State : MD Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Colleen]

Before I became a parent, I believed in socialization/expectation. When I had my sons, I stayed at home to raise them. I expected them to be people, not stereotypical men, and I spent an enormous amount of time trying to teach them that. They are in their teens and I now concede that it's an impossible task. I've learned that men are men and women are women. It's not about socialization. Our friendships, problem-solving, and committment to the group are (generally) totally opposites. The "yin" and "yang" of men and women is from birth - ask any parent.

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Name : Colleen, Gender : F, Age : 38, City : Quantico, State : VA Country : United States, 

[Emily]

From what I've seen from working in an all-male enviroment, women do tend to view each other more as competition if they don't know each other and if there are men present. But more than that, I think the nature and expectations of male and female friendships are different. Men can have very close, emotional friendships, and the ones I know do, but their friendships are based on having fun, enjoying themselves and sharing common intersts. Women have expectations of friendships based on intimacy, emotions and such, and the common interest/fun part usually comes into the relationship later. Therefore, women are less likely to make friends as quickly and can even be hostile to other women.

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Name : Emily, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 18, City : Minneapolis, State : MN Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Daria]

I see the same thing happening in my friendships. It seems that men tend to be less sensitive to what you say. So when I'm talking with guys, I feel more comfortable with being myself and saying what I want to say. It's also generally easier for me to immediately feel comfortable with guys. I think the competition theory is true. In a co-ed group, you want to be the "coolest" girl. It's very easy for me to get annoyed by another girl's way of talking or way of acting. However ... I have also seen that once I've gotten past the competition thing, I form longer, more stable friendships with girls. I have girlfriends whom I've known since kindergarten. And the high school crowd I still see is mostly girls. The guy friends have tended to come and go.

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Name : Daria, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Asian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 19, City : San Diego, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Chris D.]

I can only speak for the male relationships. The programming handed down through generations still an archtype of strength and independence. The only changes that have happened to that in the most recent generations is tenderness toward mate and children. This means men need to form safe relationships that don't open the tenderness of their soul. These types of relationships are easy especially when everyone involved agrees that this is the goal. I don't think those lines are as well defined for female relationships.

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Name : Chris D., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Religion : Atheist, Age : 32, City : Austin, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Production Management, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

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