[C. Fox]

My brother doesn't seem to believe that my daughter has a peanut allergy. At a recent dinner at his home, every dish but one had nuts in it. He called me beforehand and advised me of this situation but refused to leave the nuts out or change the menu when I asked him to. There was also a bowl of peanuts out on the counter when we got there and he got angry when I asked him to move it. My daughter is only three years old, so I can't trust her to always know what not to eat. He has also made jokes to her about if she's not a good girl, he'll hold her down and feed her peanut butter. I'm not some wacko. Me, my husband and my other daughter have no food allergies so I'm not making this up. What is his problem?

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Name : C. Fox, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 39, City : Santa Clara, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Housewife, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[David25873]

Your brother should be a little considerate of you and your daughter. Maybe it's something he's never experianced, and doesn't know how to react. So he chooses to joke about it. You should have a serious talk with your brother and tell him, that he is being hurtful. Every good brother takes care of his sister, and would not want any bad feelings.

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Name : David25873, Gender : M, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Age : 20, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Psychology student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper class, 

[Lynne]

As a mom you have to protect your child. It sounds as if your brother is unwilling to take this allergy seriously. I'm not sure if having peanuts can kill your child, but who wants to take that risk? I would do what your pediatrician tells you and skip dinners at your brother's house. He can always eat at your home..... where you can control what is served.

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Name : Lynne, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 29, City : Tampa, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[A. Jacobi]

Your brother is extremely insensitive. This could be out of meanness or ignorance. I have food allergies, too (peppers and walnuts). Food allergies can be extremely dangerous. For instance, if I eat a cookie with walnuts in it, my tongue and lips begin to swell. If I allowed the reaction to continue I would have breathing problems. I could possibly die. I think it is extremely important that you find a way to educate your brother on your daughter's condition. Possibly some internet articles from reliable websites or newspaper articles. Does your daughter's doctor have any literature? It also seems that your brother shows some passive aggressive tendencies toward your daughter and you. Why did he get angry when you asked him to move the peanuts out of her reach? Adults must do their best to keep children safe - by putting covers on electric sockets, not letting them run with scissors, or not lettings them get foods that they are allergic to.

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Name : A. Jacobi, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 26, City : Alexandria, State : VA Country : United States, Occupation : Analyst, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[NE]

He's ignorant. I've met people who don't 'believe' in dyslexia, allergies, even vision impairment. My brother has terrible eyesight, and it took months before my parents actually believed him enough to get his eyes tested. In the meantime, they kept grounding him for getting bad grades when he couldn't see the chalkboard. Unfortunately, I can't think of anything you could do, short of convincing him to talk to your daughter's doctor, or telling him that you won't bring her over to his house unless he has some kind of nut-free foods available.

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Name : NE, Gender : F, Age : 19, City : Binghamton, State : NY Country : United States, 

[Me]

UGH!! I hate people like that! I am in my 20's and one day my parents brought home a dog that I turned out to be allergic to. I told them the dog is making me wheeze, can we get rid of him? They said no, you will just have to stay away from him. I am now 30 miles away. Some people don't take allergies seriously, you have to put your health first, and avoid any situation that will jeopardize your or your daughter's health. If my parents want to see me this Christmas they have to come to my apartment, I am not going to spend the day wheezing.

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[Dwanny]

I'd avoid this sicko like the plague. I know he's your brother, but that doesn't mean you have to like him. I also wouldn't leave my daughter alone with him. I wouldn't put it past him to try to feed her something. Check with your doctor for an epi pen-that's a syringe of epinepherine you can carry with you in case of an allergic reaction. I heard recently about a girl who died after kissing her boyfriend who had eaten peanuts 9 HOURS PREVIOUSLY.

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Name : Dwanny, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 53, City : Springtown, State : TX Country : United States, 

[Melody]

Your brother sounds like some sort of sadist. Why on earth would ANYONE threaten a three-year-old child--especially a RELATIVE--with something potentially life-threatening? I think the only way you're going to get through to him that you are deadly serious about this is to tell him that neither you, your husband nor your children will spend any time with him in his home until he gets a grip on just how serious the situation is--and then follow through. Your daughter's safety is vital, and your brother isn't taking it seriously. He needs help.

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[Ann24283]

Unfortunately, food-specific allergies started to become part of the zeitgeist at about the same time as 'Environmental Allergies,' which are utter horsesh*t. As a result of this, a lot of people can't bring themselves to believe that someone could possibly be allergic to one food, or one group of foods, and tend to lump food allergies in with the 'Environmental Allergy' fairy tale. In a lot of people who grew up in the '50s through the '70s, there's also the perception that a claim of 'food allergies' is just an excuse for a neurotically picky eater, and the Puritan urge to 'cure' this, or 'punish' the person for 'lying' kicks in. In fact, some years ago when I lived in Wisconsin, a Martha Stewart wannabe made the news because she killed a little boy with a severe peanut allergy by essentially force-feeding him one of her 'special home-made' peanut butter cookies after he politely refused to take one. She berated him into picking up one of the cookies and taking a bite. Within 30 seconds he was in full anaphylactic shock, and by the time the paramedics arrived seven minutes later, he was dead. Please, please protect your daughter from your brother at all costs, because of all the food allergies, legume and shellfish allergies are the most likely - by an order of magnitude - to produce fatal reactions.

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[Kathy G.]

You need to knock some sense into your brother. If it was my child I would refuse to go back around him. Yes you can be allergic to peanuts. Look up some information and show it to him. Still if it was my child I would put her first and just stay away from the brother.

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[Race-B31377]

Your brother is ignorant, insensitive and a danger to your child. I would suggest never to visit his home again.

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[Roger]

I think part of the problem is that this allergy seemed to come out of nowhere a few years back. I know people must've been suffering from it for centuries but all of a sudden the majority (folks who aren't allergic to peanuts) were being ordered not to send their kids to school with peanut butter sandwiches-some airlines stopped serving peanuts, etc.- all because a statistically tiny yet suddenly vocal and very litigious minority started making these demands. I know it's a legit allergy, but to a lot of people (and your less than sympathetic brother) it seems like the creation of shrill hypochondriacs. The bottom line is...your brother thinks you are a wacko who's making this up for whatever reason. He's resentful that you're imposing what he perceives as a ridiculous 'lifestyle' choice on his world. All that being said, I think your question should really be 'Why do I even want my daughter around this jerk?'

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[aysha]

Perhaps he has a hard time believing anyone could be allergic to such a common food. Maybe he does not believe that food allergies exist. Having taken care of young children with peanut allergies, I know how frustrating it can be. I had one boy in my school who was so allergic that if another child had peanut butter and got any of the leftover oil on a toy, and the allergic boy touched the toy, he would have to be taken to the hospital at once or he would die. Food allergies can sometimes truly be deadly. Have you tried showing you brother medical books about the problem? I know this is not appealing, but photos of people deceased from such an allergy might just open his eyes. Or take your brother for a visit to the child's doctor for a little chat? It is most important to get the concept drilled into his mind, for if his behavior continues, your little girl's life could be put at a great risk. Disregarding the problem and not only having nuts around, but actually putting them out to spite you or her, is not what I would call a small issue.

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Name : aysha, Gender : F, Age : 27, City : Ammon, State : ID Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, 

[Allison19672]

It seems like a lot of the responses focus on children. My father-in-law is 73 and has been allergic to nuts all his life. He carries an epinepherine pen with him at all times, in case he accidentally ingests something with nuts or cooked in nut oil. This has happened at several restaurants and he became so incapacitated his wife had to inject him right then and there. Incidentally, neither of my father-in-law's parents had a nut allergy, nor do any of his 5 siblings, nor any of his children. Nut allergies are very real. Your brother is an idiot for dismissing this dangerous and potentially lethal condition. It's frightening to think he'd joke about giving her peanut butter if she misbehaved. He may as well have said, 'I'll hold her head underwater.'

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