Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 23 replies, 24 voices, and was last updated 21 years, 4 months ago by
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- I run a company of 41 employees, 39 of whom are women. Twenty-six are full time, and exactly half of those are African American. Of the part-timers, seven are African American. Management is made up of five women and myself, two of whom are African American. I guess you can say my business is very diverse. We offer above-average pay for my industry, good health benefits and are very flexible with time off for emergencies with kids. However, I threw a Christmas office party at a local upscale hotel bar for my employees. All food and drinks included. The works. It was advertised well in advance. Yet, only two African Americans showed up, and they were the managers. No other African-American employees showed. Only four other employees didn't show. From a white man's perspective, I run a fair and equitable company. No complaints of racism or favoritism, and no complaints from the EEOC. We also tell our African-American employees to take any complaints to our African-American managers, just to make sure they get heard if they feel more comfortable. Why then, did an overwhelming majority of my African-African employees not show? I felt very insulted, because I've gone above and beyond what other employers do to make their African-American employees feel welcome and offer sincere opportunities to move up. While office parties are of course voluntary, anyone who cares about their career wouldn't dare miss one. I'm absolutely at a loss on this. Anyone?
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Name : Mark-L22054, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 36, City : St. Louis, State : MO Country : United States, Occupation : Sales, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Mark, in some parts of the United States, there are people who don't mix socially with other people once they leave the workplace. At the workplace, there are city, state and federal laws in place that 'govern' people's behavior to some extent, so they often will mix freely there, but social functions can make some people uncomfortable because those same laws that protect them somewhat at work usually do not apply in those cases. They are usually afraid that someone is going to say or do something to embarrass or make them angry, so most of them take the easier road and opt out, instead of showing up and learning to be with people of other races in a social situation.User Detail :
Name : Jana B., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 41, City : Tacoma, State : WA Country : United States, Occupation : Lab Tech, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,I think it is commendable that you are making a conscious effort to make all of your employees happy. However, being happy in the office, where certain behaviors are expected, is very different from being around these same people socially, where there will be drinking and folks might be acting a little bit more relaxed. Although your black and white employees might work together quite well, they probably know very little about each other outside the office. And while a party might be a good place to begin bridging some of these gaps, in general, blacks and whites live in very different environments. We tend to live in separate neighborhoods, go to separate churches, dance to different music, laugh at different jokes, watch different television programs, etc.Please don't get me wrong: I don't think that there is such a huge gap between blacks and whites that those differences cannot be bridged, individually. I think that the comfort level between blacks and whites is just very different when it comes to attending office parties.
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Name : Naomi G., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Catholic, Age : 33, City : Clarksville, State : TN Country : United States, Occupation : College professor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I know that some people might respond requesting that you examine your assumption: that most black people didn't attend the company Christmas party because of some quality particular to blacks. I'm not saying that that's a bad idea, but by definition, generalities often have a degree of substance. In my experience, black people, including myself, tend to take a straightforward attitude toward employment. In other words, we tend to consider our jobs a straightforward arrangement: we work, you pay us. We often keep our social lives and work lives strictly separated, and tend to reject the idea that we owe our co-workers or our companies anything other than the time and effort we are paid to give. Our co-workers and employers are not friends or family, and for the most part, we don't care to pretend that they are. We are not good at or fond of what we tend to see as the insincere glad-handing and assumption of familiarity that tends to result from these kinds of work functions. These are my theories, anyway.If attending company functions is considered just a hair short of mandatory, perhaps sending a companywide e-mail saying, 'Your attendance is strongly encouraged' would be a good plan. I don't think that everyone knows that attending work functions on their own time is as important as you state. I don't think that all employers feel the way you do about it, either. Furthermore, it's rather disheartening to think that the fact that you make sure your black employees feel welcome at your company and are given equal opportunity for advancement is 'going above and beyond.' I'm of the opinion that you ought to do these things because they're the right things to do, and in some cases, because it's the law. Maybe I'm reading you incorrectly, but there's something disturbing about the juxtaposition of ethics and corporate culture in your post.
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Name : Jennifer30854, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 31, City : St. Paul, State : MN Country : United States, Occupation : Non-Profit, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I don't know why your black employees didn't show for the party. I understand how you would feel hurt by that, but why do you state that anyone who cares about their career wouldn't miss an office party? What could attendance at such a party possibly have to do with how someone does their job? And in what sense is attendance at an office party 'voluntary' when you make such statements?User Detail :
Name : Rick29841, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, City : Springfield, State : OH Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Why would you feel insulted because you've 'gone far and beyond other employers do to make their African-American employees feel welcome'? Were you equally insulted that the other (non-black) employees didn't show up? You sound as if you want a pat on the back for something. First, if you are comparing your treatment to others who may not be as 'nice' as you, exactly who are you doing it for? It's as though you are saying, 'See, I am a nice, fair white person, I treat my ------ good...' Believe it or not, this undertone can appear even more racist than if you stood in front of my face with a white sheet over your head, singing sweet Dixie while practicing your slip-knot rope-tying technique. Your employers may not have chosen to hang at your wonderful, well-prepared party because they simply did not want to. Their reasons may have nothing to do with race. Some people feel uncomfortable at company parties, being around the boss after hours (no matter how fair and non-racist he may present himself to be). Or perhaps they just had other plans. If they were not obligated to attend, it's their choice to attend or not. You may not understand this, but the tone of your letter suggests that you feel the African Americans at your company owe you something because you present yourself to be a fair white guy. In the future, if you do continue to treat people fairly in your company, as you say you do, don't do it because others aren't, do it because it's the right - and human - thing to do.User Detail :
Name : AJ28974, Gender : M, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 34, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Occupation : writer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,As an Asian-Canadian, I can tell you that some minorities just don't feel comfortable around whites in a social setting. And yes, I do find that embarassing. My high school graduation class four years ago was close to 25% Asian, but my family was one of the two or three Asian families who actually showed up at the reception dinner/dance afterwards. It's a sad fact, and unfortunately, it's very difficult to change.User Detail :
Name : CC19143, Gender : F, Race : Asian, Age : 22, City : Somewhere in Canada, State : NA Country : Canada, Occupation : Student, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I can think of a couple of possibilities. Perhaps the location you chose for the party is in a part of town that's predominantly white or known to be a place where mainly white folks congregate, and your African-American employees were afraid they wouldn't fit in or feel welcome there. Or perhaps it's that working in a diverse workplace, no matter how progressive (and admirable) a concept, can be extra-stressful and exhausting for minorities who feel a pressure to fit in and feel they can't 'be themselves.' Because of this feeling (by the way, most white folks don't know about this), often African-American people choose to spend their time away from work with their own friends and families. If you sincerely want to know the reason, however, why not ask your African-American managers if they know? Or ask them if they will speak to the employees who didn't come and find out the reason. I think if you are genuine in your curiosity, and if you want to have a holiday party next year that will attract a higher percentage of your minority employees, your good intention will come across and can help bridge the possible ethnic misunderstandings that exist. I applaud you for attempting to make a difference in this way; I know it's a path fraught with potholes.User Detail :
Name : Sara, Gender : F, City : Oakland, State : CA Country : United States,I think that no African Americans came to your party because blacks don't party like white folks. I noticed at my company's Christmas party that although about 150 employees of all races showed up, only the blacks really got into the dancing. And even then, they only danced when the music had some 'soul' to it. At first, a few whites joined them in the dancing, but there was no mistaking that blacks were the majority race on the dance floor. When the rock and pop songs played, the blacks basically left the floor, but no more whites came on. Soon there was literally no one on the dance floor. But when more R&B music played, the blacks came back out in a crowd, but with fewer of the whites who had been dancing before. So don't take it personally; blacks and whites often don't have the same tastes in music, and their ideas on what makes a fun party often differ as well. Blacks in your company have probably been to (or heard about) one of your office parties before and decided they have better places to go. My advice for your next party is to have everyone RSVP so that you know how many will be attending. That way, you won't over-cater. And another thing: if attending the office party is important to career advancement in your company, your promotions policy is not as fair as you would like to think. Coming to an office party is voluntary. Attending a party has nothing to do with job performance or promotion. Would you skip over a productive, white employee's promotion just because he or she decided to go to a more fun party than yours?User Detail :
Name : Missjohn316, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Afro-Caribbean, Religion : Christian, Age : 29, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Occupation : Administrative Assistant, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Middle class,Mark, I can understand feeling hurt when you throw a party and no body shows up, or at least not some of the people you are hoping will come. I've read the other posts and they range from the highly defensive to the enlightened. I agree that there is lots of cross over socialization between people of different races but on the whole black and white people do often socialize differently. Look at how products and services are targeted at different populations, particularly in the entertainment industry. I like the idea of involving some of the black managers in planning a party for employees for the express purpose of building comraderie at a time seperate from the holidays. I wonder if the location you selected was one predominantly fequented by blacks or whites or is it a mixed crowd. Keep working at it Mark. Developing a balanced and diverse work place and community is not an easy feat and you can't expect to do it perfectly the first time out. Good luck.User Detail :
Name : Kevin-M, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 46, City : Portland, State : ME Country : United States, Occupation : manager, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,Did you ask those who didn't attend why they were absent? I know that sounds alittle confrontational but more than likely you might find that they simply wanted to spend their time doing something else. By no means should you feel insulted. We're all individuals with our own independent minds and limited lifespans and we want to concentrate on important things in our lives that have nothing to do with work (co-workers included) in the limited time that we have. I know it was just a Christmas office party but not everybody believes in Christmas, or are extroverts (BTW I'm an introvert so imagine how I feel), or believe spending more time with co-workers than they really need to. I can't speak for your co-workers. But speaking from personal experience, I would honestly prefer to spend my personal time (by which I mean off-hours from work) being somewhere else. Put in another way: After working 8+ hrs/day for 5 days/wk with your co-workers who also spend the majority of their weekly time at work, would you want to spend more time with them and less time with your life outside of work? If you don't have a life outside work then the answer is obvious. But most people simply don't want their lives to revolve around their careers. Your statements also reflect something I find completely foul about Corporate America and, generally, the private sector as a whole. This notion that workers are expected, even required, to attend social functions to advance their careers sounds so politically despotic. Just because someone skips an office party or two doesn't mean they could care less about their career. Who knows? Maybe he/she wants to get an early start on holiday travelling or be the first person to drop their car at a dealership, or go to a movie/dinner, etc. The point is you just never know.User Detail :
Name : Sean28019, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 25, City : Alexandria, State : VA Country : United States, Occupation : Driver, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,My co-workers will invite me to get drinks with them after work and I will often turn them down. I'm not being rude or anti-social; I just don't drink and I don't like being around people who are trying to get 'wasted'. This seems to be the goal of many get-togethers thrown by whites, in my experience. It's not being fun in a roomful of drunk people when you're sober and you're a minority. Sometimes people's true colors start to show and that everyday sense of awkwardness is heightened. Perhaps your black employees were just wary of being in a roomful of drunk white people?User Detail :
Name : TR24199, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 24, City : Newark, State : NJ Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,When my friends - married couples and kids - get together, we all say the same thing. We dread when these 'parties' come up. I agree completely w/ the person saying our parties are different - they ARE. All the office parties (that I've been to) organized by white people involve standing around, drinking and talking; at Black parties you dance. I don't know any blacks at predominately white companies who honestly feel they are completely comfortable. We all know better than to forget that we cannot do the same things, behave in the same ways as the white employees and be forgiven for the same transgressions whether intended or not. Just LOOK at how you point out that the Af Americans didn't come and how they should KNOW better than to DARE not attend! You don't have that same tone about the non-black employees now DO you mister impartial?!!! Just give me my check, let me go home to my family where we can 'break it down', 'keep it real', not be formal and on our toes and watched/judged. You obviously have no clue that we feel the difference. Just IMAGINE how you'd feel if you flipped the colors and EVERYONE was black and only a few of you were white. Being white - do you go to an all black church? Why not? Because it is completely different than and oustide of your comfort zone. Maybe like me, these employees have reached the point of being sick of pretending. Personal time is precious and when you don't share similar backgrounds, what is there REALLY to talk about w/ coworkers - whatever the color - who you have no common bond w/ outside the workplace? You can talk shop at work! How many true black friends do YOU have?! And if you THINK you do, ask yourself if you have EVER been invited to their home. After work hours, especially when you're past the club scene age, we socialize w/ people we trust and who are basically extended family; people who don't have to 'go out of their way', 'go above and beyond' with any effort because they are just like us and there IS NO EFFORT. We are the same. We can relax. There is no judging. It's good that you are trying but there is the tension and the recognized need for reaching out. If you truly see that there is need for reaching out, please understand that the day-to-day tension of being the one who must be remembered or consciously included, is frustrating. Nobody wants forced love.User Detail :
Name : C19197, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 35, City : B, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Computers, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Hopefully you are trying to make sure that your black employees are treated fairly because it is the right thing to do not because it is a 'requirement' 'by law.' Secondly even though you gave out notice well in advance maybe on that night of your party they had other pressing engaments like with Church, family, school or with there children. There are so many reasons why they may have missed out. They might not have had someone to watch the kids or had school events to attend if it bothers you that much maybe in a casual way when you are talking to your employees try to find out what the reason why they did not show up. Maybe next time do a office poll to find out what night would be best and what time to start and end then aim for a time that is good for most people after all you can not please everyone! Another thing you could do is talk to the people that came and asked them for there honest opinion about what they enjoyed and did not enjoy or what could have been done to make it better! Try to get the people involved and ask them what games or food they would like to have and also what would they like for entertainment. Just some suggestions and maybe the next party will go better P.S. people should be rewarded for work done well not for attending an office party!!!User Detail :
Name : D31787, Gender : M, Race : Black/African American, Age : 25, City : Nap, State : IN Country : United States, Social class : Middle class,'I felt very insulted, because I've gone above and beyond ...' I find it interesting that the lack of participation of Black employees is an insult to you. Instead of seeing it that way, perhaps you should see that 'vast majority' who were not in attendance as valuable data that can help you improve the organizational culture of your business. African American culture tends to be a culture of relationships, and something tells me that your lack of intimate relationships with the Black employees on your staff is an indicator of something... You are the only one who can determine what that something is. Instead of (or in addition to) participating in an internet forum with individuals who can not authentically experience the culture of your organization, (and are therefore not able to adequately answer your question) why not make yourself available to be informed by the EXPERTS on this question -- that, of course, would be the Black employees at your company. If you took the time out to query non-attendees in an authentic and non-threatening way, you would likely get valuable information about what socializing with coworkers in a non-work setting feels like for them, and why the 'cost' of potentially offending the boss outweighed the 'benefit' of atttending what was an 'of course voluntary' get together.User Detail :
Name : Kathleen Cross, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : African American/White, Religion : Bahai Faith, Age : 39, City : Los Angeles, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Technical writer/Author, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
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