Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 22 replies, 23 voices, and was last updated 19 years, 6 months ago by
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- I have always wondered how a girl arrives at the point of displaying her private parts to strangers for money, and what the circumstances are. Little girls aspire to be doctors, actresses and lawyers, but surely not nude dancers, so how do they become dancers? Yet I find most nude dancers at strip clubs fascinating. Most I've talked to come from white, middle-class backgrounds and are bright and educated. One girl I got a lap dance from was born and raised in Beverly Hills and attends a reputable four-year university. Not quite a teenage runaway from a troubled home life. So how do these girls become nude dancers? Were they abused sexually in childhood, thus the 'different' view of sexuality? At what point does money become more important than maintaining one's sexual privacy?
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Name : Noah, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, City : Los Angeles, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : engineer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,I manage a team of software testers for one of these startup 'dot-com' companies everyone complains about. I (and my partner) own a house in San Francisco, which is no mean feat with today's real estate prices. In my spare time (mostly weekends), I'm also a male escort specializing in a particular scene. I wasn't abused or molested as a child - I was raised Catholic. I hold two bachelor's degrees in scientific/engineering fields. Why do I do it? I like sex as much as anyone else (probably more). I put a price tag on it to keep it manageable - I stay within the bounds of my 'hobby,' and my relationship at home is still sound. I'm not likely to fall in love with someone, because I maintain a business relationship with them, and they understand that. I don't do heavy drugs because I have to drive to my see my clients, and I never know when they're going to call. I always have the kind of sex I like (which I don't always get at home - he's not into that), because that's what I advertise, and that's what they call me for. When they call me back, I feel better because they like me enough to pay me for a second visit. In the bar scene, you never know what you're going to get until you get home.The money isn't important to me - I make enough at my day job to afford to live here. 'Sexual privacy' doesn't necessarily have to have value - only to those who desire it. I have no need for it. (By the way, I've always wanted to do this. Surely there are women who want to be exotic dancers as well.)
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Name : Rusty29507, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 32, City : San Francisco, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Software Testing Manager, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,An addendum to my earlier response: I was always interested in the psyche of my male customers and thought that their reasons for coming to the club were infinitely more interesting than the dancers'! So I'd like to throw the question back to you, a man--why do you patronize strip clubs?User Detail :
Name : SR28476, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 22, City : Austin, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : 4 Years of College,I started stripping a month after I graduated high school. (This was topless dancing, not nude.) I wanted to move out of my parents' house and needed money, and when I started college I wanted to work weekends only but still live comfortably. I couldn't think of another job in which I could make nearly as much money. I was also a little bored with my life, and when I graduated high school I wanted to turn everything familiar upside down and go wild ... and I was so curious to see rich men and (what I thought would be) glamorous naked women and smoke and hundred-dollar bills... I kept the job for nine months, the longest I've kept any job. I'd begun to have sexual issues with it. I wasn't sexually abused as a child, but the sex-filled environment of strip clubs wore me down. I think it can be very damaging to attach a price to sexual favors. It messed my head up, and my sex drive had crashed by age 19, which I easily recognized as pathetic. So I quit.As for backgrounds, all the dancers I knew had a different story. Many had babies or lazy husbands; others were just like me (from a solid home in suburbia). And we were all pretty damn materialistic. The cliche about dancers is that they all have either incredibly high or low self-esteem. I was definitely at the low end and thought that making lots of money based on my looks would help me feel better. And it did, for a while.
One more point: I was always interested in the psyche of my male customers and thought their reasons for coming to the club were infinitely more interesting than the dancers. So I'd like to throw the question back to you, a man: Why do you patronize strip clubs?
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Name : SR28475, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 22, City : Austin, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : 4 Years of College,I agree with you completely, Rusty. I have been a dancer in some shape or form all my life, and after spending a few years with a dance-theatre company, the idea of stripping has appealed to me even more. I get to dance AND get the starring role - my solo onstage (which usually went to the friend of the director or something). And I'm not going to strip because I have no other option or have been forced into it; it's because I like nice things, I love my sexuality and am shamelessly egotistical (although never snobby). I think narcissism is the healthiest thing that can happen to a person. The worst thing a girl can endure is to feel undesirable and worthless.User Detail :
Name : Sylph, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 18, City : Windsor, Ontario, State : NA Country : Canada, Occupation : student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Upper middle class,I read that 70 percent of all women in the sex industry (porn films, strippers, prostitutes, etc.) were abused as children, sexual or otherwise. Unfortunately, Hollywood glamorizes these occupations. They give little girls the impression they'll be desired by men.User Detail :
Name : Elena25296, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, City : Los Angeles, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Secretary,I think it is important to note that economics plays a large role in this. Women can make more money in the sex industry than in many other jobs. People who are concerned about the sex industry need to address their attention toward women's economic inequality.User Detail :
Name : Clio31973, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 23, City : Boston, State : MA Country : United States, Occupation : educator, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,How much money do people make stripping/dancing/escorting? Also, what is the difference among a stripper, go-go dancer, exotic dancer, and male/female escorts? Thanks! SaloméUser Detail :
Name : Salomé, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 25, City : St. Paul, State : MN Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,We strip because we are smart enough to figure out how to get fast and legal money in this often crude and unfair society. I am well-educated and was raised in a great home. I'm intelligent enough to do whatever I want, but chose to dance for some quick, no-commitment cash. I danced for a while and then quit when I reached a financial goal. This was a few years ago, and I have had no problems with myself and my decisions.But please know two things:
1) We, the 'bright and educated,' are excellent liars to get some green. I could tell you I was from Compton or Beverly Hills, and honey, you wouldn't know the difference.
2) We do it because many 'bright and educated' fools like you waste your money there.User Detail :
Name : Beth23204, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 25, City : Secaucus, State : NJ Country : United States, Occupation : self-employed, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I've been friends with three or four dancers, and they've told me they always lie to their customers. Partly it's a way of keeping their work life separate from their real life. But also, they told me, if a dancer tells a good story (one that portrays her as a nice middle-class college girl), the guy is less likely to feel guilty about what he's doing and will therefore tip more. (It's also reassuring: 'College girl' makes her sound clean and healthy and safe and therefore more desirable.) So lots of dancers lie and say they're in school, have lots of money, come from a nice family etc., but it's not necessarily true. In my experience, for what it's worth, dancers are a diverse group. They come from all kinds of backgrounds. Some seem screwed up, some don't. I'm just saying that the ones I know often lied as part of the job.User Detail :
Name : Sue, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 33, City : Toronto, Ontario, State : NA Country : Canada, Occupation : journalist, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,It's a shame you are so low on self-esteem as to think your dancing was a waste of their money.User Detail :
Name : M.K., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 31, City : Sydney, State : NA Country : Australia, Education level : Technical School,I would never judge someone (that is not my job). I hear so many people talk about the money these strippers make. I am a 23 year old computer nerd...lol. I graduated with a Bachelor's at 21, will have a Masters in December and I am beginning my Doctoral program in May '01. I am making BIG BUCKS and I have not resorted to 'taking' money from men, whether from a stranger or from a bf. If I can do it with all the 'strikes' against me (i.e. young, black, female from a urban city), I am sure MANY other women/men can too! Take care guys!User Detail :
Name : Alicia31403, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 23, City : Detroit, State : MI Country : United States, Occupation : Computer Related and Graduate School, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,Dance on!User Detail :
Name : Patrick-W19887, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 19, City : Toronto, Ontario, State : NA Country : Canada, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Upper middle class,I was a topless dancer, and while I've given different reasons for doing it, I know the real reason stems from the fact that I was molested many times as a child and raped many times as a young adult. Although - as we have seen in the other responses - not all sex industry workers are victims of child abuse, I believe people like me strip to try to gain a sense of power and control over their sexuality. It is also a temporary rush and a high. It is a quick, easy way to get superficial affirmation and approval - a way to gain a false sense of self-esteem. Eventually this backfires. Perhaps there are people who work in the sex industry who don't have issues like this, and perhaps the occupation will not affect them adversely, but I have a hard time believing it. I think a person has to have some sort of sexuality, self-esteem, male, control or power issue to choose this profession. Many women in the business feel their choices are limited because of education, money or raising a child alone, or perhaps they just feel they aren't good at anything else. Other factors, like the glamorization of the job, the attention, the money (obviously), the fun of getting dressed up and looking sexy every night, the enjoyment of dancing and performing, getting to meet all kinds of different and interesting people, being able to talk about things you wouldn't with a person you meet on the street, the free drinks/drugs/parties, etc., may all lure and keep a woman in the job, but in my case, and in the case of too many women in the industry, the underlying factor is having been taken advantage of, objectified and dehumanized in the past, mostly in a sexual manner. I, too, am white, was raised in a very affluent community, was sent to an expensive, private, Christian college and have a high IQ. I was living on my own and wanted more financial freedom and enjoyed the freedom the money from dancing gave me, but I bet I would have never thought seriously about being a stripper to get that money if it weren't for some of my previous life experiences, namely molestation and rape.User Detail :
Name : Heather, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 22, City : Minneapolis, State : MN Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I know a lot of people in the S & M scene, and one very prominent dynamic is exhibitionism. We LIKE to be seen and admired, and nudity is not a big issue. Just think: the audience not only admires your beauty, but we pay cash for the privilege!User Detail :
Name : Kerry, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 29, City : Ventura, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,
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