[Amy31585]

As an educated, attractive and confident woman, I'd like to know why some women respond to me in a rude manner. I think I'm a polite person, and enjoy interacting with people. But when I'm in a group of men and women, the men enjoy talking to me, while the women give me the brush-off. Don't get me wrong, I do not dress provocatively, flirt or act slutty by any means. Older women seem to enjoy talking to me, but women in their 20s and 30s are just mean to me. I've tried almost everything to acquire new female friends: I ask questions, let them do most of the talking, compliment them on something they're wearing, try to make them feel comfortable and at ease, you name it - nothing is working. It's gotten so bad that some women I work with cannot even make eye contact with me when they see me coming down the hallways. Male friends have noticed this, too, and don't understand it because they consider me a sincere, down-to-earth, easygoing person. These same friends also ask: Why does this usually happen with women and not men?

User Detail :  

Name : Amy31585, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Humanist, Age : 29, City : Portland, State : OR Country : United States, Occupation : Teacher, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Lisa22759]

I know what you mean. Boy, do I know what you mean. I get the same responses from women. And you know what I've come to realize? It's pure jealousy. My mother used to tell me this all the time, but I had a hard time comprehending it because I felt like, why should they be jealous of me? Two women who are now very close friends of mine told me that when they first encountered me they felt I was a bitch and arrogant. I have no idea why I come across this way, because I'm one of the most caring, sincere, down-to-earth people you'd want to meet. I'm also very outspoken, real and educated, and it's hard for some women to accept that. As much as the semi-feminist in me wants to say men have MORE trouble accepting that, I think most men appreciate a woman who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to say so. Most of my friends are male, and it's been that way since junior high school. There's a kinship there that I haven't found in my friendships with women. This jealousy does happen with men, but not in the same sense. Men are openly competitive, e.g. cars, wealth and women.

The only thing I can tell you is that it's jealousy for personal reasons of their own. Don't stress anymore - I'm sure it's not you.

User Detail :  

Name : Lisa22759, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, City : Gaithersburg, State : MD Country : United States, 

[Rhiannon]

It's sad, isn't it? We live in a culture where women are taught to compete with each other for men's attention, and where friendships between women aren't valued nearly as much as romantic relationships with men. My father told me straight out once that it was OK for a woman to break plans with a girlfriend if a date came along. A 10-year-old girl I know told me recently that she hopes her breasts get bigger soon so that she can get boys' attention! Women are taught to feel horribly insecure about ourselves, and when a woman comes along who is intelligent, attractive and/or secure, she is seen as suspect and a threat.

User Detail :  

Name : Rhiannon, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, Age : 29, City : Eden Prairie, State : MN Country : United States, Occupation : Professor, Social class : Middle class, 

[Lynette]

As a successful, professional woman, I too have encountered this attitude from other women. I believe it may stem from their insecurities, and perhaps they are intimidated by you for being so self-assured. Men do not seem to be so vicious about this sort of thing, which is why the majority of my friends are in fact men.

User Detail :  

Name : Lynette, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 36, City : Los Angeles, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Attorney, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class, 

[Heather]

Amy, I'm right there with you. In college I joined a sorority because I felt like I was missing out on 'girl time,' as most of my close friends were guys. It was one of the best things I did. However, with girls who weren't in my sorority, I still had the same issues. Things changed dramatically once I met my husband. I don't know if my attitude changed or others' did. I now have more close girlfriends than guy friends in our new 'home town.' Maybe once the competition is gone, you can be who you 'really are'?

User Detail :  

Name : Heather, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 26, City : Cincinnati, State : OH Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Christopher D.]

Most men find self-confidence in women very attractive. Also, this allows you to relate better socially with men. Those two combined makes you a very good catch - and fellow women your age envious.

User Detail :  

Name : Christopher D., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 24, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Customer Service, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[J. L.]

I strongly agree with Rhiannon. We live in a culture in which women are pitted against women, all vying for male attention. It's true that jealousy is the reason for cattiness, but I want every woman reading this post to ask herself: 'Why is that woman jealous of ME?' That woman walking down the hall perceives you to be a threat. But to what? Her share of male attention? Is she jealous of you because you may lure men away from her? And you: are you catty toward her because she may be more beautiful than you (and you don't want to admit it)? Now, my question is: Why is it so important that you get more male attention? If you don't have that cute guy's approval, can you still feel good about yourself? Why are daddy, uncle, boyfriend or husand's opinions so important to our sense of confidence? These are tough questions. If you are a woman reading this, I hope you have the courage to truthfully answer these questions. A few years ago, I realized that my father had always pitted my mother and I against each other. Only one of us could be his favorite at any time, so we competed for his attention. It wasn't until college that I discovered how much my mother loved, supported and willingly stood by me, even when I felt like I hated her. She gave more to me than my father ever did. Please don't make other women your enemies. In this country, where basic laws that give women equal rights can still be shot down in the courts, you must support your fellow women or you will never get the job promotion you deserve or the freedom from male expectations that you may not have yet tasted.

User Detail :  

Name : J. L., Gender : F, Race : Asian, Age : 26, City : Jersey City, State : NJ Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 

[Poro Poro]

This is so comforting to know I'm not alone! I always thought there was a serious problem with me, in that I have many more close guys friends than girl friends. I see myself a sincere and honest person who craves for good-old female-bonding, and it doesn't help that my friends tell me it is because girls are 'jealous because I am pretty and successful'. I never thought I am *that* pretty nor *that* successful, so I had a hard time buying that explanation (being my own worst critic)... So, in other words, do women feel threatened by attractive women? Maybe that also explains why it is even harder for two attractive women to be close to each other because they each assume the other is also jealous of her. It's easier to imagine two attractive (or successful) guys being buddies with each other. I suppose the green-eyed monster is female.

User Detail :  

Name : Poro Poro, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Asian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 26, City : Toronto, State : NA Country : Canada, Occupation : Computer Programmer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Julie]

It's good to know that I'm not the only one going through this. I have never been able to connect with other women because of their cattiness. I am intelligent and talented and I think other women hate me for it although I'm not arrogant. I think it comes from lack of self esteem. Young girls are taught to look for self worth in all the wrong places, such as appearance and the approval of others. A self-confident woman is everything they're not.

User Detail :  

Name : Julie, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 22, City : Nashville, State : TN Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[J-French21286]

I have the same problem, only I seem to catch flak from older women (40-60) who try to encourage me to be more feminine or be quieter or more 'friendly'. There's a book you should read by Rachel Simmons called 'Odd Girl Out:The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls.' It talks mostly about girls in school (kindergarten-highschool) but I found that the attitudes and incidents found in the book spoke very much to my adult experiences as well (and cleared up some social mysteries from childhood).

User Detail :  

Name : J-French21286, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 24, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : unemployed, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower class, 

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