[John K.]

I would think that most parents feel some degree of guilt over having to place their children in child care. Sure, there are examples of parents who ship their kids off to someone else so they don't have to deal with them, but that is the exception, not the rule. My wife and I are facing that decision right now. Neither one of us earns enough money to pay all of the bills on our own, so both of us have to work to get by. Also, it is not practical for either one of us to work part-time, so that option is out. The only real option that we have is daycare, which we would prefer not to do. Thankfully, we have a few good options for day care, so the comfort level is somewhat alleviated. But it's a very tough choice, and I worry over it constantly. Maybe some other options will present themselves when the time comes, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

User Detail :  

Name : John K., Gender : M, Age : 26, City : Cranford, State : NJ Country : United States, Occupation : Chemical Engineer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Bren]

Do any parents feel guilty about expecting their day care workers to help raise their children?

User Detail :  

Name : Bren, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 25, City : Detroit, State : MI Country : United States, Occupation : Day Care Director, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[S. Wear]

It is not guilt as much as regret. I am divorcing and must work in order to make ends meet. My son is involved in the selecting of appropriate child care, as he will be the one going.

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Name : S. Wear, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Methodist, Age : 33, City : Atlanta, State : GA Country : United States, Occupation : Programmer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Jesse-N30807]

I did, at first. I worried that the care people might do things with the kids that we wouldn't. I don't mean abusive things, just different role-modeling. But we eventually found a center that we were really comfortable with, and stuck with it. We had to switch a few times; that's how it is. I also was concerned at first when the kids did and said things they clearly learned at care and not at home, but I realized that that had to happen sooner or later, and it doesn't bother me. Now my youngest is 7 and it's all ancient history.

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Name : Jesse-N30807, Gender : M, Age : 40, City : Herzliya, State : NA Country : Israel, Occupation : Engineer, Education level : 4 Years of College, 

[Andrew]

Day care is just what the name says it is: Care during the day. It's not a substitute for parenting, and I don't feel guilty that my kids spend some time there - particularly when it enables us to feed and house them. Far from guilt, I'm quite happy they're in a place where they make friends and where they're safe while we work. I don't know of any parents who think day care workers are "raising" their children, and it's presumptuous if that's what day care workers think they're doing.

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Name : Andrew, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 35, City : Huntington, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Reporter, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[N.G.]

Sorry Andrew, I feel you are a bit off when you state that daycare staff are *not* assisting in raising children. I know that when my two daughters spend eight hours a day with adults other than myself, I strongly expect that the adults present had better be teaching my kids some of the rules and regulations of our society, ie. table manners, politeness, cleanliness, etc. If the daycare centre isn't assisting with this part of the role of parenting, what are they doing for me and my kids? Isn't teaching these our children the basic rules of our society basically a part of parenting? On the other hand I do agree wholeheartedly that daycare is in no way a complete replacement for parenting. There are very definite limits to how far I expect my daycare to take their part of the parenting role.

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Name : N.G., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 30, City : Lethbridge, State : NA Country : Canada, Occupation : Program Director, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[N.G.]

Darn near every mother I have talked to feels some degree of guilt about having someone else spend so much time with their children. I can't speak as much about how men feel because I haven't talked about it with many. Personally I don't feel guilty that I am leaving my kids there, but I do feel guiltly that I don't get to spend as much time with them. I also feel Andrew is a bit off when he states that daycare staff are *not* assisting in raising children. I know that when my two daughters spend eight hours a day with adults other than myself, I strongly expect that the adults present had better be teaching my kids some of the rules and regulations of our society, ie. table manners, politeness, cleanliness, etc. If the daycare centre isn't assisting with this part of the role of parenting, what are they doing for me and my kids? Isn't teaching these our children the basic rules of our society basically a part of parenting?

User Detail :  

Name : N.G., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 30, City : Lethbridge, State : NA Country : Canada, Occupation : Program Director, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Floyd]

Well, if the parents choose the right day care, they will find teachers there who do care. My fiancee works for a day care center and treats those kids like they are her own. She teaches them basic things that they will learn later in life. But if they are like most parents who have to work two jobs to maintain the lifestyle, they will need to have their child in a day care center.

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Name : Floyd, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Age : 24, City : Sterling Heights, State : MI Country : United States, Occupation : Sys Admin, Social class : Middle class, 

[Arlene-Dagani]

As a full time student and full time mother, yes I feel guilty. But I know that my children will benefit in the ong run because their mother will be able to provide for their future. I think women carry most of the burden of guilt because they are the 'nurturers' and it's only a natural resposnse to be feel guilty. I make sure I know who takes care of my kids, but there is no 100 percent guarantee that they are safe with the caregivers. Parents need to be attentive to their children's moods and ask questions. What did you do today? Did you have fun? For toddlers and infants that are not able to communicate, make sure you check them out once they get home. Was this bruise (God forbid?)there before you dropped them off? Ask the caregiver how this happened? Finally, look at how your child reacts when you drop them off? Be aware at all times. Most importantly, let your kids know they can tell you anything. And let the caregiver know you are aleays checking them out.

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Name : Arlene-Dagani, City : Jacksonville, State : FL Country : United States, 

[Michael]

I would think that all caring parents would feel at least some guilt over leaving their children with a stranger at such a young age. But some parents simply don't have any other options. Any parent who feels no guilt whatsoever is probably not a very caring parent. I have a neighbor who drops her 3 year old off at a day care to go shopping and hang-out with friends (she doesn't work). She obviously feels not guilt over neglecting her child.

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Name : Michael, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Asian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 30, City : Ann Arbor, State : MI Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Lise22827]

The question is all centred around what's expected and what isn't. It would be unusual to ask if parents feel guilty that teachers are helping to 'raise' their kids, because we expect 'school-age' kids to spend time away from their parents. Parents raise kids, childminders mind kids. Guilt is a parental requirement, whatever your choices.

User Detail :  

Name : Lise22827, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : white/ mixed race, Religion : Atheist, Age : 25, City : Glasgow, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, Occupation : library worker, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

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