[Kim]

Why do people who get married younger get less support than people who get married in their 20s? Older people seemed to get married 'young' (my grandmother was 17 when she married my grandfather) and most old people are still together, but people who have started waiting until later to get married are getting divorced like wildfire - like my parents.

User Detail :  

Name : Kim, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 17, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Secretary, Social class : Middle class, 

[Jennifer30885]

Young marriages tend to be looked down upon because they have a very low rate of success. People change a lot in their late teens and early 20s and often grow apart from their spouses if they have married early. Additionally, the stress of trying to make a living and support a family with little or no advanced education leads to a high divorce rate. The divorce rate in this country for 1st marriages is almost 50%. The divorce rate for couples who marry young is even higher. In generations past, divorce was not socially accepted and a lot harder to get, so people stayed married - whether they were happy or not. Women had much less earning power than today, so economically they were required to stay in their marriages. Also, it was possible for a man to support his family reasonably well with no more than a high school education, so it wasn't as important for people to go to college before getting married.

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Name : Jennifer30885, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 27, City : San Jose, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Bella23341]

Kim, when your grandmother got married it was a different era. In her day, a 17-year-old was viewed by society as an adult because (most likely) she would have been taught all that she needed to know to be a complete woman, wife and mother by that age. Also, there was almost no room in society for a divorced person because people kept their marriage vows, so back then divorce was not the easy fix it has become today. In our day, a 17 year old is still viewed as an adolescent, not a kid but not quite an adult. Teenagers aren't usually taught all the skills needed to make it as an adult. At 17 most people can't handle finances, sexual responsibility or parenthood well enough to take on these issues in marriage. Even many of today's adults (21 and over) aren't ready for responsible adulthood as singles, let alone married life.

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Name : Bella23341, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Afro-Caribbean, Religion : Christian, Age : 30, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Education level : Technical School, 

[Bill]

I'm not sure what the statistics of successful 'young marriages' are, but I can speak from my experience. I was 19 when I married my wife, who was 17, in 1977. We did not 'have' to get married. We had our first kid a year and a half later. We had three total and divorced after 10 years. The biggest lesson learned was that we didn't know ourselves well enough to be married, forget about knowing the other person. It was a matter of insecurity on her part and possessiveness on my part. We got what we wanted, even though many tried to counsel us against the idea. Generations ago, people were married younger than today. More mature perhaps?

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Name : Bill, Gender : M, City : n/a, State : NA Country : United States, 

[Penni]

My grandparents married very young and have been married for more than 65 years. My parents married when they were in their twenties, and after 35 years, they are divorced. I got married at 22 (he was 27) and we've been married for nine years. There are so many factors that decide successful marriage, and I think age is very low on the list. But the 'support' issue, I believe, is just a stereotypical reaction of our society. People get married and divorced for many reasons. And I believe that as long as you know yourself and what you want for your life, you can be in a position to get married.

Unfortunately, you think you know all of that when you are young, and then you change. I am 31, and believe me, I have changed. The key is to change together and accept that you and/or your mate are going to grow up and begin to live and think differently. I feel that watching my spouse grow and change is one of the exciting things about our relationship. I am always seeing something new about him.

It's a shame that we have so much divorce in our society and that people just give up so easily. It's even more heartbreaking when there are kids involved. But we cannot just pick age as the reason. It takes a lot more than age to break up a marriage.

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Name : Penni, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Presbyterian, Age : 31, City : St. Louis, State : MO Country : United States, Occupation : Senior Administrator, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Fatima]

I don't think there's any thing wrong marrying young. I got married at 20. Im 24 now and my husband and I have two and one child on the way. Were happier than what we were when we started dating. Now some causes of divorce is because some get along better apart and then some are so set in their ways to give up something there used to in a marriage. Now it's like a trend to get a divorce im not praising divorce but its sort of the in thing.

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Name : Fatima, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Pentecostal, Age : 24, City : Twinsburg, State : OH Country : United States, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 

[~denise23962]

I'm against it. I know some do last but what is the hurry? I got married at 17, bought a house at 18 had a baby and 19 and anohter at 21 all the time working toward finishing college and that marraige lasted 14 years -- which was about 13.5 years too long. A lot of waisted time there. I cherish my children from that marriage but being brought up in a bad marriage was no favor to them. The divorce wasn't a favor to them either. It is SO much eaiser to marry than it is to divorce. I am not even close to the same person I am today that I was at 17... I didn't even know WHO I was so how could I give myself to another? Some marriages do last but a lot of them are about quantity and not quality marriage. IOW, they are not all that happy... they've just endured the years... who wants to live like that? I stayed single and as much alone as possible post-divorce and I learned a lot about me. Things I should have been learning when I was busy being wife, mom, student and so on... things I didn't learn till my 30's that should have been learned in my late teens and early 20's. Both my older children have come to me 'ready' to get married. My 22 year old twice and my 21 year old once and so far I've talked them into just 'waiting' a year -- all relationships broke up before that year was up. When I finally met a man I thought I would want to spend my life with I gave myself 5 years with him FIRST and then was agreeable to marriage. We are so happy together it is unbelievable -- we have a wonderful 5 year old that we cherish and we are truly happy... the way we would choose to be as a family. I think it would be rare at 17 for anyone to know themselves well enough to give themselves to someone else. I believe young people owe themselves the years alone to get to know themselves. To learn what is important in a partner and when they think they have found 'that' special soul mate to wait at least a year to get to know that special person. If we are going to make a life long commitment to another person doesn't that deserve at least 1 year to get to know each other?

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Name : ~denise23962, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 42, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Social class : Middle class, 

[Tanya S.]

For are grandparents, women married young because thats what you did then, you raised a family. Now we are more independent now and are waiting more often to establish careers. So it is not as common and since divorce is higher people are more skeptical. Well my husband and I were 19 when we got married, later had kids and am now celbrating 7 years with a total of 11 years together. When their support by proving you can last, you should be together long to really know someone. And remember why rush? If you really love each other, then the wedding will still be their when your ready.

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Name : Tanya S., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 26, City : Flint, State : MI Country : United States, Occupation : Photographer, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Linda22937]

Even as recently as the 50's, girls pretty much got married shortly after they left school. (Remember, this was before Women's Lib; girls were expected to stop working when they got married.) Guys were usually considered marriageable once they had enough work experience or other assets to support a family, which might have been in their teens or much later. If they got married before that point, there was a certain amount of disapproval, especially if the couple had to live with the parents. Divorce was very unusual; couples considered it their responsibility to stay married, making whatever accommodations and adjustments were necessary, except for very serious problems. (I was 18 and my husband 23 when we married in 1961. We're still together, and still happy.) A hundred years ago, many girls got married even earlier, as soon as they were capable of performing an adult's work. This was especially true in rural/pioneer communities. Again, the prospective husbands were expected to be able to support a family. This led to some marriages with very unequal ages. But very, very few of these marriages ended in divorce, it just 'wasn't done,' and was sometimes legally impossible. No matter how bad the marriage was (and it was sometimes very bad), people stayed married until one of them died. Today, both men and women can have careers, and both often go to school well beyond their teens. Being married before you're done with school can be a real hassle, and many such marriages don't last because the people grow apart. I think this is one of the main reasons why the average newlywed is older now. You really need to be done with school before you can figure out who you are and where you're going. Another reason for later marriage, of course, is that it's much more acceptable now to spend some years 'looking around' before one settles down. And there is so little stigma associated with divorce now that people often break up a marriage for reasons that others find trivial, or for things like 'personal fulfillment' which was unheard of as a reason for divorce a few decades back.

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Name : Linda22937, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 62, City : Small town in upstate, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Computer Engineer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Ashley19682]

Ok, i think that people think it is better for people to get married when they are older because you know what you want. You have probably been with that person longer and you are more mature with your choices. When your young you are foolish to 'love' and i think your in it and in a few yeears things change, personality, college, new people in your life. I also think that people lik your grandparents are still together because but then things are different. The world and they things people value now days change the way people think and effect there live choices. Back then it wasn't as bad.

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Name : Ashley19682, Gender : F, City : OC, State : CA Country : United States, 

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