Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 17 replies, 17 voices, and was last updated 18 years, 8 months ago by
.
- Posts
- What's it like to grow up rich? Did you ever feel guilty or ashamed about your position in life? Did you ever fantasize about being from the wrong side of the tracks, so to speak? Was there a lot of pressure to be a 'model child'? Did you rebel from your parents and surroundings? Don't worry about these specific questions; I appreciate whichever manner you would share your story.
User Detail :
Name : Dan27302, Gender : M, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Religion : Pentecostal Christian, Age : 21, City : Los Angeles area, State : CA Country : United States, Social class : Lower middle class,I didn't grow up 'rich' but more upper middle class, and it's something I didn't realize until I was in high school. My sister and I weren't spoiled, but were coddled a lot. We grew up in a middle/upper middle class neighborhood, and didn't get exposed to kids of lower economic status until middle school. I didn't know what one of my friends meant when he said something about 'When the collectors call.' I had no idea what a collector was or why they'd call. I grew up not knowing what a family budget was. I never heard the phrase, 'We can't afford it;' rather, 'That's too expensive.' My parents were and still are somewhat frugal, but we've never not been able to afford something we really needed. And there was pressure only to be good and do my best, not to be a model child. Our family is a rags-to-riches immigrant story (dating back to the 1940s), so that may have something to do with it.User Detail :
Name : Sarah-C28149, Gender : F, Race : Asian, Age : 24, City : San Francisco area, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I am fortunate to have been the daughter of a multi-millionaire. I had many comforts and privileges, including travel to foreign countries when I was a child. I grew up in a beautiful home filled with fine art and antiques. My parents were, in spite of this, quiet, gentle, generous people who taught me to appreciate my situation. As a young child, I felt lucky just to have a roof over my head and enough food to eat. To this day, I consider myself lucky to have grown up in a rich family in the United States.User Detail :
Name : Jesse30817, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 45, City : Ashland, State : OR Country : United States, Social class : Upper class,I was very fortunate to be the child of two very successful business people. They both have enough for five lifetimes, so money was never a problem for my parents. The way my parents chose to raise me, however, was to never inform or show to me that we were particularly wealthy. Yes, we did travel a lot more than most of the people in my class at school, but I still had to do all the things the normal kids had to do. I didn't know about my parents' good fortune until I turned 15 and started to take part in my family's business discussions.The only problem for me growing up was the constant pressure of having to perform. I always had to be on my best behavior, and I had to be funny, sound educated and impress people when they came to my house. Not to sound like a cry baby, but it isn't as easy as it looks.
User Detail :
Name : Chris32169, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 15, City : Los Angeles, State : CA Country : United States, Social class : Upper class,I grew up upper middle class. I hated it in many ways. I never really got anything I wanted. My parents didn't even put aside money for me for University. If I had been less wealth off I'd have saved the money. I enjoyed working and working towards something. I realize I'd write an entire rant if you get me started on this. E-mail me please if you wish. Now I'm deeply in debt.User Detail :
Name : Mira S., Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, Age : 31, City : Toronto, State : NA Country : Canada, Occupation : artist/yoga tecaher, Education level : 4 Years of College,Hi. I grew up upper middle class/rich. Only I didn't really know it. I went to a private Hebrew School, and most kids were either the same or wealthier than me. We didn't have a pool or a cottage or really any amenities. We travelled a lot. My mom's family lives in France. As a teenager I never really got anything I wanted. Our house was always messy so I was embarassed to have friends come over. there was never any food in the fridge or pantry , because my mom wouldn't let us eat junk food. My parents never put aside any money for me to go to University and seemed surprised when I wanted to go. I wish I had grown up poorer so that I'd have beeen taken more seriously. I had jobs throughout high school. No one understood why. Now I have no money and I struggle all the time. I'm in debt. My parents are even deeper in debt and can't help me. Their money was never really to my advantage. Because I didn't want to live the life that they set out for me. I wish I had been poorer so I could have worked and saved for University. I didn't qualify for student loans until I was out of high school for five years. If I had been poorer I may have been encouraged to apply for grants and scholarships.User Detail :
Name : Mira S., Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, Age : 31, City : Toronto, State : NA Country : Canada, Occupation : artist/yoga tecaher, Education level : 4 Years of College,When you grow up rich, usually you don't know it untill you know what NOT growing up rich is like. When i was younger in my girl scout troop, we went to detroit for some meeting, while at mcdonalds we saw (what i know now to be homeless) a man picking through the garbage, having a faint idea of what was going on, all the girls in the troop donated 1/2 their lunches to the man, and it was fun in a way. Back then it was just a glimpse, the further away you are from it, the more adults tend to keep you from it. Now that I am older, I am afraid to offend anyone by such a gesture.- how stupid is that! Also, as I drive through Detroit to get to my families house in Grosse Pointe, I feel bad that others have to live in such conditions, but part of me feels like 'why can't they jsut pull themselves out of it.' Unfortunetly, I know that is not always a reality. About the 'wrong side of the tracks' I never wanted to be there, because I knew I could use it to my defense. I am very much a goody-goody when it comes to the typical 'bad kid stuff' When I am late for curfew I will say things to my parents to the effect of 'Your lucky I'm your kid, I could be addicted to drugs, pregnant or out of control. But instead I am top in my class, oustanding at what I do, etc. etc.' It seems wrong writing it now, to use that kind of persuasion with my parents, but if it gets me out of trouble - and its true, so it seems justified. To add, one day I would love to bring home a nice guy from the 'other side of the tracks' and to prove to my parents that the other side doesn't mean the wrong side :) also I've always loved the song uptown girl, and living in uptown everyone's an uptown girl, i'd like to have a downtown man so I can be his uptown girl. there is a certain attraction to someone who has had more life expereince then you, even being as old as you. To speak of, I have had no real 'life altering' expereinces, there simply doesn't seem as if there is anything that strong where i grew up. *disclaimer!! atlesat in my community that I have experienced* Poverty is a heavy burden to bear, but those who over come, or simply live with it, must be strong, because damn, someitmes its hard enough being a upper middle class poster child. I admire you for all you might have or will go through.User Detail :
Name : Katie, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 18, City : Bloomfield Hills, State : MI Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Upper middle class,I grew up the poorest family in a rich suburb of Chicago, so I know both ends. Every weekend all our neighbors would take a trip to Aspen, while my Dad was driving a '66 Rambler and we were eating Ramen noodles. But our house was still worth a boatload, classic house poor story. Every time I saw someone less fortunate than myself I was riddled with guilt because I knew how much I looked down on my neighbors richer than myself, and I assumed they thought the same of me. And I still think the same way. No matter how much money I have I'll still appear to be the poorest of my ability because I grew up amoungst such a wanton display of wealth. I make a pretty good living, but drive a 30 year old car and live in a closet. I haven't bought any clothes in 5 years.User Detail :
Name : Nick20004, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 23, City : Madison, State : WI Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I'm a 15 year old female who has been in private schools all of my life and have even been to finishing school to learn to be a 'proper lady' (advise to parents: unless your daughter is going to be dining with royalty, don't bother) I'm not movie star rich but I can go to the mall and pick out whatever I want within reason. I do feel seperated from my friends because of it. If I were to ask them to go shopping with me or invite them to my house they always end up saying 'Diane , you are so spoiled' I know when they say those things they are just joking but I feel hurt and akward whenever somebody calls me a daddy's girl. I don't know how to respond to that kind of comment because the people I know have less money and I don't want to offend them. I do a lot of the time feel pressured to be perfect. If I am with a group of girls and they are talking about their home problems and I add to the conversation about how stifling my parents are my friends tell me that I don't have a right to complain because I'm 'rich'. I do kind of see their point but I'm 15! That's what 15 year olds do, they complain about their parents! Just because I have money doesn't mean I have a TV perfect family to go with it. I do also feel pressured into buying things for people for example drinks or expensive birthday presents. It leaves me feeling used because if I don't all of the sudden I'm a snob. At one point I felt that if I was going to be treated like a snob I might as well act like one. I didn't feel guilty going into sehpora and spending money in front of other people for once. I was doing what was expected. I soon reverted back to my submissive state of trying to please everyone and constantly trying to cover my financial situation. I am interested to see how this will effect me in the future, as I am so young. But I do know how it feels now, and in answer to your first question, Dan, it hurts. If i could give advise to teenagers with rich friends it would be just leave the money out it. Don't expect anything just because you know them. Also NEVER even as a joke, say they are spoiled . It leaves the person feeling like they have done something wrong and doubt about themselves as a person. It's just the same as if a rich person made fun of a poor person. It's wrong.User Detail :
Name : Diane, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 15, City : Des Moines, State : IA Country : United States, Social class : Upper middle class,I was fortunate to grow up in a family that was wealthy. We took trips every summer and at least twice during the school year. I was put in catholic private schools until I was 17. The schools I went to were very prestigious and very expensive.I was also in manners classes and was only allowed to assiciate with members of our class or social standing. The pressures of growing up in that enviornment were huge. I always had to be dressed nicely, and act politely and I could never do anything wrong in public or whenever there was anyone besides my parents around. I was never able to just be a kid. Now I am somewhat ashamed of the money. While I am able to take trips and go to nice schools and places, I do feel like in relationships men only date me because of the money. I did and still do wish that I was from the 'wrong' side of the tracks or at least didn't have all the money that I have for the simple fact that people would look at me differently.User Detail :
Name : Kate, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 21, City : Bakersfield, State : CA Country : United States, Social class : Upper class,My parents are immigrants to the U.S. and grew up extremely impoverished - they didn't have running water, electricity, and never had enough to eat. Both sets of my grandparents were illiterate, but they knew the only way their kids would have a better life would be if they were educated. Both my parents became doctors, as did many of my aunts and uncles (or nurses, engineers.) When I was a very small child, my parents were just starting out and weren't wealthy. However, looking back, by the time I was 10, they were very well off. I am not ashamed by the way I was raised - I did receive privileges that money can buy but I wasn't spoiled either, we didn't have designer clothes or our own cars, because my parents didn't think they were necessary. My brother and I were raised by a very pro-feminist mother and she taught us to be very independent, we did things for ourselves like cooking and cleaning and I was shocked when I went to college and there were some people who were complete pigs because they had never taken care of themselves. I think mostly I was made to feel ashamed of my background by other people - once I took a cab to my parent's house and the driver started ranting about selfish rich people - I don't know if it is because they are envious, or just hate rich people, or what. It made me extremely angry because my parents worked hard for what they have and they shouldn't be disparaged for enjoying what they worked for. So no, I don't feel ashamed because my parents earned their position by working hard and being frugal, and they didn't exactly hand anything over to me on a silver platter either, although I did have the benefits of my education and their support in my pursuing it.User Detail :
Name : Rachel30197, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Asian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 27, City : Boston, State : MA Country : United States, Occupation : Attorney, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I am suspicious of anyone with 'old money' because I feel they never had to work for it so they don't appreciate it, and feel a sense of entitlement for what they do have. Just look at all the old money families that completely fall apart because by the third generation no one has any ambition or drive. I've visited my parents' home country and saw their 'shacks,' I'm very thankful to have been born here, because I could just have easily been born there. My parents send money to our less well off relatives, but I feel in some cases they're just keeping our relatives poor because they're not using that money to improve their situation. I didn't feel any pressure to be a model child, because I think that is my nature already. My brother was less of a model student, however, perhaps he's got a different viewpoint. Our parents pretty much told us our only job was to get good grades and do well in school. My husband is from more a lower middle class background, and sometimes I feel he has a more cavalier attitude toward money than I do - he won't eat leftovers, throws away the rest of a pizza he doesn't finish, and takes cabs everywhere when I would take the subway. Hope that answers your question. And it's not like I never felt out of place. There's always someone richer than you, or whose parents don't object to indulging them. I'm into horseback riding, which a very chichi kind of sport, and there were snotty little rich girls who would look down on you if you didn't have the right kind of clothes, or didn't have your own horse, or your own helicopter to take you to events, whatever, you name it. In the end, if you're going to define your happiness by how much you have, you're just going to lose that game because someone always has more.User Detail :
Name : Rachel30198, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Asian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 27, City : Boston, State : MA Country : United States, Occupation : Attorney, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,Hi, I always wondered if you have friends who are in the lower social class scale. Why or why not? Let me know. Thanks.User Detail :
Name : CNR, Gender : F, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Age : 32, City : Fort Lauderdale, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : clerical, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,My mother was a lawyer and my dad was a doctor so we had money. I never really got to spend alot of time with my parents because they were always gone on business trips. I got whatever I went, before I started school I thought that is how everybody live. As a child I didn't develop sharing skills because I am basically the only child my brother 25. It is not our fault we were born rich. I went against my parents wishs to date a black guy. He was upper class too so eventually they like him.User Detail :
Name : Katrina26731, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 17, City : Flushing, State : MI Country : United States, Social class : Upper class,I grew up as the first daughter of a wealthy buisness owner. My dad makes $250,000 a year. I lived in an upper class town in Bergen County, 20 miles west of Manhatten. My parents own a house on Stratton Mountain, Vermont, and one in Love Ladies on Long Beach Island in New Jersey. I now go to one of the most expensive schools in the counrty ($45,000/year) without a cent of financial aid and will finish with a cent of debt. My 28-person extended family just speant a week in Puerto Rico, and my parents are in Hawaii right now. I grew up with everything I needed, wanted, or was given to me and never used. My boyfriend didn't have that. His father is blue collar and I couldn't even estimate how much he makes. My boyfriends sisters both married blue collar men and work pink collar jobs themselves. They don't know where I come from, and it scares me to think they might find out. At Christmas dinner (they are Chistian, I am Jewish) I sat with their families while the men (who moved, with their beers, from the couch to the table while their women slaved in the kitchen) discussed how much they hate the people who moved into the new development adjacent to theirs. A development with 3 car garages and huge windows that you know have to be professionally cleaned twice a month. Then the talked about one of their mothers, who recently remarried to an upperclass guy. They critisized her without her there becuase she got her nails done twice a month, and had cleaning people come once a week- and thats when it hit me- I get MY nails done ONE A WEEK, and i grew up with cleaning people coming TWICE A WEEK. I also had massages and facials once a month since i turned 13, and had a personal trainer at the gym since the first time i mentioned to my parents that i wanted to lose weight. I am so scared that his family will find out that my family has money becuase i know how much they hate people with more than them. I talk about it with my boyfriend all the time. We both know that when he finishes college (he is the first in his family to ever go to college) he will be earning a lot closer to what my dad makes than what his dad makes.User Detail :
Name : Amanda, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 18, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Occupation : college student, journalist, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Upper class,
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.