[AFRAN]

Try to understand your African-American ex-friends by remembering the bases of your friendships before you entered into the interracial marriage. I think the reason some of your friends may have lost touch after you "crossed the tracks" is that, like many intra-African-American community friendships, some of the base of your friendship had been empathetic conversations about the discrimination you faced day-to-day from European-Americans. When you married a white man, that base for friendship was compromised.

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Name : AFRAN, Gender : M, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, City : Oklahoma City, State : OK Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 

[annonymous]

I read your post and felt hurt for you. It's sad that we treat each other so poorly, especially since we know what it means to be discriminated against. The hypocrisy is shameful. I admire your courage and strength to follow your heart despite the backlash and simply wanted to extend my encouragement and support. Do know that in Detroit there is a sista who celebrates the love you've found (he could've been green as far as I'm concerned). Lasting love is rare. Pity on those foolish folks who fail to acknowledge love for what it is: Unconditional.

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Name : annonymous, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 34, City : Detroit, State : MI Country : United States, 

[Randy-B]

I feel what's going on is that you're finding out who your true friends are. A true friend loves and cares for you unconditionally. I know how hurtful it is when someone "throws you away" because of some condition or restraint they've put on the friendship. What these (ex)friends don't realize is that they will be the biggest losers in the end. It sounds like you do have many "true" friends, family and in-laws, so hang on to that. Hopefully some of your friends who have hurt you may see the light one day.

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Name : Randy-B, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 39, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Stephani S.]

I am a black female who's been married to a white man for five years. We live in a somewhat diverse neighborhood (the majority is white). I have always felt welcome here - my husband's family has always treated me like a second daughter, his friends treat me as if they've known me all their lives, my family adores him, etc. The only negative experience I have had has been with people of my own race. I have been accused of 'selling out,' being 'contaminated' - I was even told that if my husband were to leave me, I would be useless to any black man because of my betrayal. Many of my black friends have simply lost touch or are too busy to come around whenever I call and want to do something with them. This is very hurtful. With all the bigotry our people have encountered, is this what we have turned into? I love my husband because of the beauty of his soul, not the color of his skin. What's going on?

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Name : Stephani S., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Seventh-Day Adventist, Age : 30, City : Woodbridge, State : VA Country : United States, Occupation : Homemaker, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Dee-W25793]

Unfortunately, one of the products of racism is that its target members usually express opposition via measures that can seem as extreme as the oppression they resist. The idea of "selling out" or "being contaminated" by your white husband reflects how deeply affected many blacks are by white racism. However, the feelings of distrust are real, and the disdain for whites, by some blacks, also reflects valid emotions. The reality is that we live in a society whose race relations are strained at best. People are indeed judged by skin, relationships and associations. If I could offer you anything, I'd say that it's time to make some new connections with people who have a broader vision of the human experience. As well, keep in mind that the reaction you are getting from some of your friends has more to do with society's unwillingness to accept and validate all human beings rather than with you personally. For your own emotional health, seek truth rather than acceptance - truth, when tested, stands on its own. Best and congratulations on a happy union.

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Name : Dee-W25793, City : Cleveland, State : OH Country : United States, 

[JerryS]

I think there is more than one thing going on here, some more pernicious than others. For example, the comment about being "useless to any black man" speaks volumes of nasty stuff, both racist and sexist, because it implies at the very least that you are only "useful" as an object of a black man's attentions. Somewhat less vile is the general and apparently inherent tendency for groups of people to sort themselves out by drawing boundaries, and at various times and places to enforce those boundaries to different degrees. Although many minority groups view this as defending themselves from being swallowed up by the majority, being a minority group doesn't cause this behavior: Often a majority group resists what it sees as "contamination" by minorities. The root seems to be a drive to preserve "us" at the expense, if necessary, of "them." We can all think of examples far less striking than skin color, wars of extermination being fought between two groups that are indistinguishable to outsiders. I suspect that this is least in evidence when the majority feels secure; I think that security leads to tolerance. This tolerance can easily evaporate if the majority suddenly feels threatened, as happened in Germany between the wars and in the Arab countries after World War II.

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Name : JerryS, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, Age : 52, City : New Britain, State : CT Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

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