[Oscar19986]

My girlfriend is overweight. I love her and care a lot about her, and I try not to talk about this in front of her because it is a very sensitive thing for both of us, and I do not want it to be an obstacle for us. For those people who have an overweight partner, how do you deal with this subject, and what are some things you do to make things work out?

User Detail :  

Name : Oscar19986, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Hispanic/Latino, Religion : Catholic, Age : 51, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Occupation : waiter, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 

[CP19181]

I think it's wonderful that you want to be sensitive about your girlfriend's extra pounds. As someone who is overweight married to someone who is not, I can give you a bit of advice. Compliment her, including about her body, but never insincerely. Do not make comments on what she eats or how much. Do not suggest that she lose weight, but if she truly wants to do it for herself, be as supportive as possible. Do not insist on knowing exactly how much she weighs or what size clothes she wears. Whatever you do, do not make her weight a big issue. Just be natural. You said that you don't want to talk about it with her, but if you do decide that you want to be more intimate and open about everything, I would suggest you start by telling her about some sensitive issue of your own: your stuttering problem as a teenager, your shyness, the abuse you suffered as a child, how you feel about being a minority, something like that. Maybe then she would feel more free to talk about her own struggles.

User Detail :  

Name : CP19181, Gender : F, Age : 22, City : Montreal, Quebec, State : NA Country : Canada, 

[Essence]

I am somewhat overweight, and my boyfriend is not. He is an average-size guy. I guess it just depends on what you like. I have always been this way, and we were friends first, so it has never been an issue to me. Just show her that you love her and try your best to help her through her rough times.

User Detail :  

Name : Essence, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 18, City : Goleta, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : High School Diploma, 

[Souris]

I Am that I Am; so says the Lord, our God. And if, as scripture says, we are created in His image, then your girlfriend is who she IS. If you love her "in spite of" her weight, you're not doing either of you any favors. If you're embarrassed to be seen with her, shame on you. If she's embarrassed by her weight and worries that she may lose you because of it, be supportive and tell her how you feel about her; that is, if you love her for the laughter and the shared time and thoughts and memories, if you look at her and feel 'This is home, where I want to be.' What you do depends on what you mean by making 'things work out.' One way or another, you should talk to her. Sensitive matters becomes less sensitive when they're discussed. Give her a chance to tell you how she feels. A relationship is built on time and trust and a willingness to try to understand.

In my case, I am the overweight partner. I love and am loved by someone kind, stubborn, funny, talented, putzy, annoying, messy, intelligent, silly, generous, caring and occasionally incomprehensible - have been for the last 18 years. We fight, we laugh, we watch the same channel on different TVs in different rooms, we share books, and jokes and sorrow/funerals/weddings/frustrations/accomplishments. We talk, we read at restaurants and we have periods of companionable silence. My fat matters far more to me than it does to my partner. The operative word here is partner. What do you want? To be a partner, or to be someone she spent time with, once upon a time?

User Detail :  

Name : Souris, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 49, City : Manahawkin, State : NJ Country : United States, Occupation : Graphic Artist, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[A.R.]

Oscar, I have to be honest...I'm not sure what the problem is. You are obviously attracted to her or you wouldn't be with her. What exactly is the issue?? I'm a fat woman who is very proud of her body, her mind, her intelligence, her talent, etc and I don't ever date men who wouldn't be attracted to ALL of those things. Why would this possibly be an obstacle for you in the relationship? If you give a little detail, perhaps the question can be answered.

User Detail :  

Name : A.R., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Humanist, Age : 30, City : Astoria, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Actor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 

[FZ]

You can't go wrong complimenting her on the things about her that you find attractive. I am an overweight woman who has had many wonderful men in my life. The best thing any man has ever done for me was to share physical and outdoor activities. Over the years, lots of guys told me, 'you're too fat', but only a few very special guys said things like, 'hey, babe, let's go rollerblading!'. Skate, swim, dance, go bike riding - whatever the two of you enjoy. It's a fun healthy way to spend time together and is a great way to build confidence and perhaps make her less sensitive about her size.

User Detail :  

Name : FZ, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, City : L.A., State : CA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[siouxZQ27880]

I, too, am overweight. I was very sensitive about this issue before I physically met my partner (we met over the internet), although we had exchanged pictures. We hit it off big time, because we already loved each other (from the inside out, as he put it ... we just had to get to know the package). The first time I realized just how much he cared was when I was getting dressed for an evening out and I was struggling into a garter-belt and stockings (his favourite!) and standing there in nothing else ... fat stomach bulging, huge thighs, big butt, enormous breasts. I looked up and realized that he was watching me, with so much love in his eyes. He said 'You are so sexy! I love you!' Me? Fat old me? Sexy? Yup, me! AND loved. Well, we are totally devoted to each other and have now been married for 5 years! Weight doesn't matter - if it does, then love is the issue and you need to move on.

User Detail :  

Name : siouxZQ27880, City : Merrickville, State : NA Country : Canada, 

[Shosh]

My partnet is a bit overweight, althugh he lost weight since we are together. His weight bothers him more then it does me, but on the other hand I was complaining that I am not athletic enugh. So, we signed up to gmy together, and every evening we go out running. This made everyone happy- he lost weight, I got in shape, and we both enjoy this time of workout together :-)

User Detail :  

Name : Shosh, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, Age : 24, City : Tel Aviv, State : NA Country : Israel, Occupation : Computer software, Social class : Middle class, 

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