Non-verbal gaffes

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  • #41743

    ACC24007
    Participant
    Here's an obvious one that I bet many will identify with: Ever since I was 10, I've noticed some whites looking over their shoulder anxiously as we walk past each other, like they were afraid I was going to attack them from behind. I've also always noticed that many whites stare at my hands when I first meet them, like they expect me to be holding a gun or knife. Many of these same people later turn out to not be racist as far as I could tell by their other behavior toward me, or at least not consciously. But it's obvious many white Americans, even those who really try to not be racist, still have this sometimes unconscious fear of any dark-skinned male that shows itself in these ways. These things began happening to me when I was 10, stood about five feet tall and weighed less than 100 lbs. They've also happened to me no matter how I was dressed, including in military dress uniform or a suit and tie. So it's not based on anything rational.

    User Detail :  

    Name : ACC24007, Gender : M, Race : Mexican and American Indian, Age : 35, City : W Lafayette, State : IN Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 
    #45889

    Michell20525
    Participant
    When I am conducting business or otherwise interacting with other people in public, it is customary for me to make eye contact and smile at whomever I am interacting with. Occasionally, the person with whom I am interacting will make a show of intentionally snubbing me, and when this happens, it is usually a black female. These particular people will do things like not answering when I ask them a question or try to make small talk, speaking to me only to the extent that they absolutely have to, not making eye contact, not smiling, perhaps glaring in a confrontational manner or moving very slowly when they are in service job. Then I will see these same people talk animatedly with someone of their own race, or go out of their way to give them better service.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Michell20525, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 33, City : Dayton, State : OH Country : United States, Social class : Middle class, 
    #31124

    Mel20753
    Participant
    The one I notice most often is the bewildered stare, kind of a cross between 'Is that what I think it is?' and 'Oh look, a Martian!'

    User Detail :  

    Name : Mel20753, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 19, City : Gunnison, State : CO Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 
    #7079

    Tasha
    Participant
    To people of various cultural backgrounds: What are some non-verbal ways you feel offended or insulted by people of other backgrounds, i.e. through physical distance, facial expression, touch, gesture, eye contact, etc.?

    User Detail :  

    Name : Tasha, Gender : F, Age : 18, City : La Mirada, State : CA Country : United States, 
    #17378

    BB
    Participant
    Are you sure that people look over their shoulder at you for that reason? How do you know it's not just the way you look rather than your race? Maybe they were looking because you are attractive or because you have an angry expression on your face. You must also have been looking over your shoulder at them to notice them doing it to you. Why? Were you expecting them to be looking back at you because they were white and therefore scared of you. If so, then you were making assumtions too!

    User Detail :  

    Name : BB, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 26, City : Edinburgh, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, Occupation : PhD Student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #25086

    Walt
    Member
    I'll tell you the one that gets me: When I hold the door for a woman and she stares me right in the eye and goes through another door. Ladies, I am not a sexist. I am not trying to hit on you. I just have the habit of being polite. I found the women who walk through the other door have always been white females.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Walt, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 37, City : Grand Rapids, State : MI Country : United States, Occupation : Office Manager, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #39046

    Julie
    Participant
    As a black woman who occasionally wears my hair in braids, the best example of this is as follows: I was in a bakery in a very chi-chi town in the Napa Valley, where I used to live. This 'stereoptypical' rich matron came in- tennis whites, mega diamonds, frosted hair, manicured- the whole bit. She walks over to me, says, 'Your hair is gorgeous,' and before I can say anything, actually reached out and started stroking my hair repeatedly! Now, lest you think this is not that big a deal- imagine if I, a black woman, had walked up to her, a wealthy white woman, and starting touching her hair repeatedly without her permission. But I believe that because I am black, she totally unconsciously felt a sense of entitlement to stroke my hair, almost like I were a piece of her property. Another one is, since I am very articulate-sounding and precise when speaking on the phone, when I show up for job interviews, I always get the 'Omigod, she's black!' eye widen, even if they later turn out to be adjusted, non-racist individuals. In fact, my boss, who is also black, and a senior vice president, recently met someone for business that he had been talking to on the phone for a while, and the guy actually said- 'You look different than your voice!' That's happened to me, as well! No offense intended, but in order to keep from going through life infuriated by these subtle little indignities, my mom and I use to just laugh, shake our heads, and say 'White folks!' And since I grew up almost entirely around white people, we said this a lot!

    User Detail :  

    Name : Julie, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Methodist, Age : 30, City : San Francisco, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Manager, Social class : Upper middle class, 
    #43468

    SR28444
    Participant
    I've noticed that usually when I walk behind a black woman through a door she will let it slam in my face rather than holding it open for me behind her like most people around here do.

    User Detail :  

    Name : SR28444, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Religion : Humanist, Age : 22, City : Austin, State : TX Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 
    #37554

    Sara28333
    Participant
    I was intrigued by your response since, I, as a black-female have experienced the same type of thing that you describe from white females. I don't behave this way myself and don't think anyone, black or white, is ever justified in doing so. But, it is interesting to hear that it happens both ways. (Why can't we all just treat each other the way we'd like to be treated?)

    User Detail :  

    Name : Sara28333, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 37, City : Lansing, State : MI Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, 
    #34428

    Peter
    Participant
    I think it's rude when people cut you in line or stare at you while in public like they never seen a minority before, especially at my college.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Peter, Gender : M, Race : Black/African American, Age : 20, City : Jacksonville, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 
    #40618

    Cristina
    Participant
    In Brazil, it is very rude when people ask you 'how are you?', you answer 'more or less' or 'not fine' and they don't say anything. Or you ask it back, and the person don't answer. Also, it is rude when you are talking and people don't pay much attention to what you say, don't look to you in your eyes. The 'okay' gesture of Americans means 'F. you' in Brazil.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Cristina, Gender : F, Race : Asian, Age : 29, City : Sao Paulo, State : NA Country : Brazil, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 
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