[Trust no manager]

How do other big women handle nasty comments made about their weight in public? I have had men (and it has always been men) call out 'fat bitch' to me on the street, and other nasty, crude comments. Most people's advice is 'just ignore it, just don't let it bother you.' That's easy to say when you're not the one who gets called a 'fat bitch' in public. And to men who do this sort of thing, do you have any understanding of how humiliating and hurtful being treated like this is?

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Name : Trust no manager, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 35, City : Wellington, State : NA Country : New Zealand, Occupation : Librarian, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[Dan27145]

Kia Ora, Jenny. I haven't engaged in such behavior since grade school, but I've made it an odd habit of mine to study these sort of things. I believe it is one of the roots of human nature to treat differently those who are different from what the society considers 'normal.' I know that in New Zealand, there is quite a bit more of an emphasis on being thin or athletic than here (one of my best friends is a Kiwi). Anyone who doesn't fit the mold is taken note of, and much like the malformed chick who is pecked to death by the mother hen, society chews them up and spits them out. It's not just with weight problems: it can be facial features, hair, voice, mannerisms, intellect, socialization within pop culture or any number of things, regardless of whether it's within the person's control. I reckon the best path is to realize they are ignorant and know not what they do. Most people grow out of it by the time they leave grade school, but some just never learned.

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Name : Dan27145, Gender : M, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Religion : Pentecostal, Age : 21, City : Los Angeles, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[Alma]

I say take a lesson from your African-American sisters. A while back there was discussion on Y Forum about how white women have trouble with their self-esteem if they are not 'skinny,' but that black women seldom seem to. The consensus(and I would agree) was that black women in America like their bodies more and don't obsess as much about being the 'perfect size 6.' Personally, I think a few extra pounds are very attractive. More curves to appreciate.

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Name : Alma, Gender : Female, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Methodist, City : Kempner, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : contract employee, Education level : 4 Years of College, 

[B.B.]

I'm in the same boat as you and it sucks! Why should we care what people we don't even know say and think about us? As if the people who are calling out names are so attractive themselves. Nine times out of 10 they are ugly (outside and in). If you find ignoring them difficult, or if it's not making you feel in control of the situation, then don't ignore them. Do what makes you feel good. Shout 'skinny wanker' or 'I'm not a bitch, I'm lovely' back with as much venom as you can. These people are so used to us fat people being the victim that I bet they fall over with shock when you don't behave like one. Also, if you stop acting like a victim, you'll stop feeling like one too.

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Name : B.B., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 26, City : Edinburgh, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, Occupation : PhD Student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 

[Beth]

I have to tell you that this is a really hard topic for me. I have been overweight my entire life, but in the last few years I have managed to drop 170 pounds (I don't know how that translates to kilos, sorry) due to illness, and am now just chubby rather than obese. I went from a size 30 to a 12. I cannot get the idea that I am obese out of my head. I have been taunted, physically abused (an ex-boyfriend once grabbed my gut and twisted it, threatening me to lose weight), and embarrassed beyond belief. I am still uncomfortable with my body because I now have pouchy skin where the fat once lived. I find that meditating on my good qualities seems to help, but I will never, ever forget the sting of hatred against my body. I wish I could give you advice - remember that you are a good person and love yourself. I know that's hard, but just hold your head high and move on. PS - Been to Wellington - the restaurant portions are huge and delicious. That can't be easy, either!

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Name : Beth, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Mexican/Eastern European Ashkenazic, Religion : Jewish, Age : 33, City : Buffalo, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Advertising Agency Manager, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Sue27749]

If you want a wisecracking response, how about 'I may be fat, but you're ugly and I can diet'. Or 'I refuse to have a battle of the wits with a man who is unarmed'. I tried that last line on someone who was being insulting and all I got was baffled silence because he was so dim, it took a while for him to figure it out.

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Name : Sue27749, City : Thousand Oaks, State : CA Country : United States, 

[Rick29935]

Jenny, I'm sorry you had to go through such unpleasantness. Those guys are a**holes. I never have understood such behavior. I remember in my college dorm when some of the guys thought it would be funny to put "No Fat Chicks" signs on everyone's door because female college students sometimes cut through our dorm to get out of the cold on their way to class. I thought, 'Why try to make people feel bad?' I went around and tore down all the signs and threw them away. This seemed to perplex the pigs who posted them. I think maybe such behavior makes the men feel macho or something. Blame society as well as them.

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Name : Rick29935, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, City : Springfield, State : OH Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Dawn25936]

Such comments must really hurt. And though I'm ashamed to admit it, I'll be honest: There are times I find myself reacting negatively to those I see who are severly overweight, though I don't ever say anything to anyone. It makes me pause, and realize the problem, and look at the situation differently. So I have to ask myself: 'Why? Why do people react negatively to those who are overweight?' All I can come up with are two possible answers:
1. It's culturally coded: somehow, somewhere, society tells us it not desirable to be overweight - although, with the exception of health reasons - it shouldn't matter as long as you're happy. Right? Yet, anyone who 'falls out of the norm' is seen as different: hence, undesirable. This is a terrible knee-jerk reaction and very wrong. Those who can't reign in their reactions are just plain ignorant. They can't see the human first. Until a person can truly understand and look at himself/herself, he/she will always be a slave to kneejerk reactions.
2. Those who make hurtful comments about others are afraid. Either afraid of becoming what they see, or, more than than likely, afraid of their own worst self being exposed. So they divert the attention to someone else to enhance their own self-worth. They are reacting out of their hurt/insecurity.

Either way, these people are slaves to their own hurt and ignorance. Really sad, huh? Take this information as consolation that people who act/react to people for no good reason other than the other person is overweight are slaves to their own unenlightenment. Also, I've heard of other people handling those who've been mean to them with a little dose of honesty mixed with sympathy. For example, a person who had a roommate who was always harsh to everyone countered her sarcastic barbs with, 'Was someone really mean to you as child?' or 'You must be having a really bad week to react/act the way you've been acting.'

Whether you say something or not is not the point. Just know it's not you, it's them. If you're happy with who you are, that should be all that matters.

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Name : Dawn25936, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 31, City : Boston, State : MA Country : United States, Occupation : Admin Asst/Student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Bruce]

Know that it reflects far more on them than it ever does you; especially in public. If their comments are in front of others those others will be judging them not you. The only negative opinions ever worth paying attention to are those that come from loved ones. If you don't know them, then their view is irrelevent to your life. I hope you can find a way of accepting because you won't change people you've never met when their opinion is formed so quickly and unfairly.

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Name : Bruce, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 31, City : Kent, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, 

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