[Edna]

I have noticed some lesbians are very overt about their sexual orientation in a way that I have trouble describing. It's sort of angry, sort of in-your-face. I am not talking about holding hands or kissing in public. For example, there is a lesbian couple at work who got into some very graphic dancing at a work party (like mimicing their sex positions). I guess I don't understand why some lesbians feel the need to act like, "I'm a lesbian!", when I never see straight people acting like, "I'm straight!" Can anyone help me understand this?

User Detail :  

Name : Edna, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Age : 31, City : Yonkers, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Teacher, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[Lucy-Hernandez]

I don't think that the degree off public affection shown by a couple has anything to do with sexual orientation. You probably noticed it more with the lesbian couple because it was something out of the ordinary for you to see. I worked as a cashier and in other similar customer service positions for years, and there were times when I had trouble helping some customers because a couple (straight) were too busy making out in front of my register. I have also been to clubs were straight couples were practically having sex on the dance floor.

User Detail :  

Name : Lucy-Hernandez, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Age : 24, City : San Jose, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Mechanical Engineer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Douglas25678]

I am a gay man and have been out for 21 years, having come out to my parents at 15. While your lesbian friends may have gone a bit over the top in their PDA (Public Display of Affection), they obviously felt very comfortable and unthreatened by you and their co-workers to do so. So in that sense, their dancing was a compliment to the relationship and support you have shown. As to straight people flaunting their relations, hon, look around. Turn on the TV, read a magazine, walk in a mall and you will see endless and overt sexual activity between straight couples. Kissing, fondling, I've witnessed some couples practically lap dancing. Advertising, sit-coms, movies and plays, music - all are geared toward the larger straight audience (when was the last time you recall a gay love song? They have been written and some even get top-40 play, but not often). It is gay society who must constantly make allowances for the constant stream of heterosexual imagery. I've learned to just go about my business, kissing my husband's cheek when we part, occaisionally holding his hand as we shop, and try to ignore the kids performing oral tonsil explorations nearby.

User Detail :  

Name : Douglas25678, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 36, City : Phoenix, State : AZ Country : United States, Occupation : Administrator, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Malik-Newton]

I do not see why people just do not try and get involved. I mean it is pretty damn obvious that they are just trying to get a little attention. So why is it that people are so afraid to give them a little. Next time that they are dancing together why don't you just jump right in and give it a shot. I mean maybe they are swingers and not afraid to try things that maybe you have experienced in the past. I mean if you never open you mind then you will not really know who you are. Sincerely, Malik Newton

User Detail :  

Name : Malik-Newton, Gender : M, Religion : Atheist, Age : 26, City : Texas, State : OH Country : United States, Occupation : Physical therapist, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class, 

[Maggie]

If what you mean by 'acting lesbian' is being overtly sexual in public (i.e. the dancing at your office party), it's not different than what you see everyday with straight couples. You probably don't notice it, a) because you're straight, and b) because it's so much a part of the culture. Straight people are encouraged to act that way. Most weddings end with kissing. If you go to any high school prom or turn on any sitcom or soap opera, you'll most likely see much more overt displays. As far as why we feel the need to 'act lesbian,' a lot of us ARE angry. Our lives and relationships are not given the acknowledgement and respect they deserve. Your relationships are thrown in our faces all the time...it's only fair that we get to do it back once in a while.

User Detail :  

Name : Maggie, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Age : 23, City : Berlin, State : NJ Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 

[Stephen H.]

While some of us in the gay community have a rather "in-your-face" mentality, I don't really know that this is a case of that. You claim that "I never see straight people acting like, 'I'm straight'". I beg to differ. Every time I watch a movie, I see 'I'm straight!', Every time I see photos on co-workers' desks, I see 'I'm straight!', Every time I go to the beach or pool, I see 'I'm straight!', Every time I go to community events, I see - yep... 'I'm straight!'. I think some people are overly sensitive to homosexuals and us being "ourselves." While I know some of us can be a bit militant - and I am not suggesting that this is not a case like that - I ask that we are afforded the same respect as others. A perfect example of this: You haven't seen - yet - a gay couple in bed or kiss on primetime TV.

User Detail :  

Name : Stephen H., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 29, City : Lafayette, State : LA Country : United States, Occupation : Human Resources Consultant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[K.J.]

Edna, can you honestly say you have never seen straight people dance in a sexually suggestive manner? Come on, now. You probably just didn't give it a second thought because it seemed 'normal' to you. Personally, I think there is some behavior that is flat out inappropriate for public display, and it doesn't matter if the persons are gay, straight, bi, asexual or Martian. I think it trivializes something very special between two people to behave in such an overtly sexual manner in public, and it embarasses me to see it.

User Detail :  

Name : K.J., Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Episcopalian, Age : 47, City : Burke, State : VA Country : United States, Occupation : Systems Analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Priya]

I beg to differ that homosexual people rub in their sexual preference any more than heterosexuals do; I see many more straight public displays of affection in clubs and other places, and some are rather vulgar and disgusting. You're probably more struck by little signs between gay people because it's more unusual in terms of media portrayal of what is "normal." Straight people are constantly announcing and thereby normalizing their preference; even in educational books and videos, not only are examples demonstrated using Caucasian names and pictures, but people are always assumed to be straight. You never see examples of Mr. and Mr. Smith.

User Detail :  

Name : Priya, Gender : F, Age : 19, City : Berkeley, State : CA Country : United States, 

[Andrew]

Every wedding ring, picture of one's spouse or children at work, holding hands in public, dancing with someone of the opposite sex, etc. is an affirmation of straightness. Sorry if the lesbians dancing suggestively made you uncomfortable. If a man and a woman danced suggestively, which happens all the time (and even on TV!), I doubt you'd have even noticed.

User Detail :  

Name : Andrew, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 35, City : Huntington, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Reporter, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[L26184]

I feel like this question would be better answered by not asking why 'some lesbians' insist on throwing such physical actions in our faces. But rather.. asking why some PEOPLE insist on this sort of crude performance. In all honestly, Edna.. lesbians do not have a corner on the market in this sort of behavior. To coin an old phrase, 'It takes all kinds'. I am a lesbian, and I dislike seeing this sort of thing from any couple.. but there always seems to be one in every crowd. Just please realize, that all gay people vary in their beliefs and actions just the same as heteros. I'm sorry that was your exposure to us.

User Detail :  

Name : L26184, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Buddhist, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Teacher, Education level : 4 Years of College, 

[Nicky]

I have seen many straights mimic sex acts while dancing - pelvic thrusts, and climbing all over each other. And on the topic of blatant straightness, now we have to endure the commercial telling us all how "We don't want to get pregnant now, so I'm on the pill." Beer commercials tell us how sexy straights are when they drink a certain beer, car commercials that you have to drive a certain car. Straight sex is everywhere. At work, it's "my wife this, my husband that." Someone at work wants to see the photos of my last cruise, but I'm reluctant to show them because it was with a gay cruise line. But straight people have no reservations about shoving wedding pictures and baby pictures in our faces.

One of my gay co-workers was just diagnosed with rectal cancer. The comments about how he has AIDS or that someone planted a cancer gene up his butt are disgusting. No one makes nasty comments like that when a straight person is diagnosed with rectal cancer, and they do have rectal sex! Try putting yourself in our shoes once. It's not fun.

User Detail :  

Name : Nicky, Gender : F, Religion : Pagan, Age : 46, City : Ft Worth, State : TX Country : United States, 

[Tracey]

The women to whom you refer may be reacting (perhaps inappropriately) to the bombardment gays and lesbians often feel from straight America. You may think that "I never see straight people acting like, 'I'm straight!" but those of us who aren't straight see it every day when you hold hands and kiss in public, talk about what you did that weekend with your opposite-sex spouse, print your marriage announcements in the paper, etc. Again, they sound way over-the-top, but many non-straight people make it a point to engage in the same public displays of affection straight people do in order to make a point. A good point, I might add.

User Detail :  

Name : Tracey, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 33, City : Nashville, State : TN Country : United States, Occupation : Attorney, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Janet]

Did it bother you that it was two women, or that it was people you knew dancing provocatively? Would you have reacted the same way to a straight couple from your place of work 'mimicing their sex positions' on the dance floor? Perhaps you're just not used to seeing it when it's two women or men. You're fooling yourself when you say "I never see straight people acting like, 'I'm straight!'" Any expression of a man and a woman being together - from simply holding hands or kissing to dancing the Lambada - is their way of saying just that. Think back how people reacted 30 years ago when they would see an interracial couple displaying any kind of affection. A lesbian or gay couple dancing closely - perhaps quite provacatively - is no different than a straight couple doing the same thing, and certainly is still much less visible in mainstram society. It's not necessarily meant to make any statement other than 'we're enjoying ourselves and being ourselves.' It's a question of society realizing that there is no difference. The fact that they felt comfortable enough to be themselves amongst co-workers - especially if you are in the education profession - says a lot about the environment you all work in. In most places, that would not be the case. I'm looking forward to the time when the whole of society could allow gays and lesbians to feel comfortable about being themselves to the extent that they allow straight couples to.

User Detail :  

Name : Janet, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, Age : 35, City : New York, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Educator, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

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