[Erin]

A couple of times I have inadvertently offended a black woman by addressing her as 'ma'am'. Was I insulting these women? If so, why? What term of address should I have used instead?

User Detail :  

Name : Erin, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 46, City : Denver, State : CO Country : United States, Occupation : professor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Rhonda-O]

You were not insulting to these women, and their response to you had nothing to do with race. It may have had something to do with age. You see, 'ma'am' is usually used when addressing middle-aged women. I've got a friend in her mid-fifties who has a stroke if anyone calls her 'ma'am,' and she's not the only woman who scoffs at being called that. I have yet to be called 'ma'am' - people still refer to me as 'Miss' - I must admit, I love that!

User Detail :  

Name : Rhonda-O, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Lutheran, Age : 43, City : Laurelton, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Account Repr, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Dwanny]

As the other respondant said, it's not anything to do with race, it's age. Even though I'm in my 50's, I still don't consider myself old enough to be called Ma'am. Not sure what I prefer. Not 'Miss'. How about what Jerry Lewis used to say, 'Hey, Lady!'

User Detail :  

Name : Dwanny, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 53, City : Springtown, State : TX Country : United States, 

[Cocoa]

I become ill at ease when someone addresses me as ma'am. I know they are being polite, but I still don't like it because normally it is being used when speaking to a middle-aged or elderly woman. At age 19, I still consider myself a girl and not legally a woman, even though the law says I am one. In my opinion the word ' woman' makes one sound old. From ages 12 on people always thought I looked older and assumed I was older than my age. So I do become upset because I wonder: if I looked more like a 15, 16, or 17-year-old, would I still be addressed as ma'am? It makes me question my youthful appearance. It makes self-conscious.

User Detail :  

Name : Cocoa, Gender : F, Age : 19, City : Tampa, State : FL Country : United States, 

[Diane]

Hmmm...First of all, the word 'ma'am' is short for madam..it's used quite frequently among those who live in the southern regions of the US...keeping to the 'politeness' of the original word, thus 'madam.' The word is freely used among both blacks and whites in my experience...so it does not 'belong' to one race of people. I hear 'yes, ma'am' or when answering an elder...'ma'am. BUT, what the black woman was offended by...and you say it is not the first time...was your attitude when you used the word ma'am...especially if you used it at the beginning of a sentence...it's considered rude and a social offense, a sign of impatience. Do you work for the local gas company?

User Detail :  

Name : Diane, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 40+, City : Charlotte, State : NC Country : United States, Occupation : Hard, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Keith]

I am 46 and call everyone ma'am or sir. I don't care what your age is. It is all a matter of respect. Don't be mad or offended, just enjoy meeting someone who has manners.

User Detail :  

Name : Keith, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Religion : Christian, Age : 46, City : Blackshear, State : GA Country : United States, Occupation : operator, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Gary]

I was raised to address all ladies as 'Ma'am' and consider addressing someone as 'ma'am' as polite, not insulting at all. I use this term in addressing ladies every day and no one has objected. It's the same as using the term 'sir' to address a male.

User Detail :  

Name : Gary, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 47, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[T. Arroyo]

I do not think that the word should be insulting regardless of age or race. I am 22 and a TA. When answering to me, the children always say yes ma'am. When I am speaking to someone older than me, I do the same. It has a lot to do with one's up bringing.

User Detail :  

Name : T. Arroyo, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 23, City : Kansas City, State : MO Country : United States, Occupation : Managment, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Martha]

A friend (my age, sex, race, etc) was shopping and the black female clerk called her 'Miss Lady?' to get her attention. My friend and I both loved this appellation and would appreciate it no matter who called us that! Some might be offended but we liked the idea of being 'Miss Lady.'

User Detail :  

Name : Martha, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 47, City : Dayton, State : OH Country : United States, Occupation : Journalist, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Jt]

I myself feel like an old bag when someone says mam. However my mother is from the south and she hates Gal. Back in Mississippi where she grew up whites were ladies and blacks were gal. I would use miss or misses. Unless its a person Visibly way older than you

User Detail :  

Name : Jt, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Age : 33, City : long beach, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[PhoenixBrown]

I think this term is one that is used more frquently in the south. I am a native New Yorker who hasw relocated to the south and I do teach my son to use ma'am, lady, miss and all other proper references to women in situtations that warrant a titling. He also uses sir, gentleman etc....and he is 5 years old. A lot of people are stunned by his use of these words. However there is a social acceptance of this which is large in the south. Don't Talk About It...Be About It!!!

User Detail :  

Name : PhoenixBrown, Gender : Female, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Age : 28, City : Greensboro, State : NC Country : United States, Occupation : Business Owner, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

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