[T-C]

I am 38 and done with child-bearing, and my issue is my weight. I have never been a large-framed woman, but have been uncomfortable for years with my size and weight. To me I have a boyish frame and am small (125 lbs. and 5'7'). To some this is ideal, but to me it is depressing, so much so that I have stopped going to clubs, social functions and even some of my children's activities. Are there any suggestions on what I can do to keep or gain some weight? It is so bad that I have ended a four-year relationship (a good one) because of my insecurities. Don't get me wrong; while out and about, men are always eyeing me or speaking to me, but to me the Twiggy thing just is not working. I have workout equipment in my home office, and I do use it, but I need to build some bulk or something so I don't wither away. Any suggestions?

User Detail :  

Name : T-C, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : African Methodist Episcopalian, Age : 38, City : Seattle, State : WA Country : United States, Occupation : Beauty industry, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[Susan27491]

According to a standard body mass index chart, your BMI is 20 when you compare your weight to height. The ideal range is 20 to 25. Since about half of Americans are overweight, it may be that you are comparing yourself to people who are heavy. I am 5 foot 5 and weigh 118 lbs.(also body mass index 20). I like my weight, but when I am skinnier than this I don't have any stamina. I used to feel more self-conscious, and I still wear long skirts because I feel my legs are too skinny. But I took ballet classes, and they make you feel good about being thin because that is the ideal. When I have tried to gain weight I did it by eating ice cream and cheesecake, but now I have borderline cholesterol and I should stay away from that stuff. I realized that sometimes I am not aware of being hungry. I start to feel tired or depressed, but really my blood sugar is dropping. I need more snacks. I was actually depressed for a while, and I wonder if that might be part of what you're feeling. If so, seek professional help because you can feel better. I say eat healthy, keep yourself strong and praise God for making you perfect just the way you are. He has called you to do some special work for the world and given you the right body to do it. Bless you.

User Detail :  

Name : Susan27491, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Disability : chronic mental illness (recurrent depression), Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 36, City : Jacksonville, State : AL Country : United States, Occupation : Registered Nurse, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Lucy22428]

In my opinion, putting on weight will not solve your body image issues. 5'7' and 125 lbs. is on the thin side, but some people are naturally thinner than average, just as some people are naturally larger than average. The point is to be healthy. Get a physical and discuss your weight with your doctor to determine if you have any health issues around your weight. I am not a psychiatrist, but it seems to me that your body image issues are symptoms of depression. The biggest clue was that you have stopped going out and have ended a good relationship over it. If I were you, I would talk to a counselor or someone to help figure out what is really going on.

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Name : Lucy22428, Gender : F, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Age : 26, City : San Jose, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[SR28469]

This is a disability or challenge? My proportions are almost exactly the same as yours, and I'm convinced that I need to LOSE 10 pounds. This makes me laugh. Maybe the 'challenge' here is in recognizing that we're pretty lucky. More than half of America is overweight and, at the same time, our anorexia/bulimia rates are disproportionately high. If you ended a four-year relationship over this issue alone, your problem might not be your body but your mind. I have heard of a psychological disorder in which people exaggerate their bodily 'flaws' to such a degree that it seriously interferes with their life. You might consider researching it.

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Name : SR28469, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Humanist, Age : 23, City : San Antonio, State : TX Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 

[Kimberly26385]

Your request to gain weight sounds all too familiar. I am 5'9" and weighed 130 lbs. I hated it. I advise you to eat well-balanced meals and drink a product called Ensure Plus. The drink is high in nutrients and tastes great. Try it over ice cream for a treat. And remember, as long as you're healthy, you're blessed and exactly where you need to be.

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Name : Kimberly26385, Gender : F, City : Austin, State : TX Country : United States, 

[Diana]

I have a similar body size (5'7 and 1/2' and 128 lb). I think maybe you feel bad about how you look because of cultural ideals of beauty. Sometimes I feel bad because I'm not curvy like the Mexican ideal. There's really nothing to do about that but try to not value yourself on physical appearance. My advice to you about bulking up is to make sure you are eating enough calories each day and getting good nutrition, and also to try to exercise using martial arts or ballet. These are good ones because they work your whole body in a balanced way (especially ballet) and make your muscles bigger (I noticed martial arts bulks up your thighs and arms, while ballet makes your legs and butt bigger). At the same time I think these are better than weight training because you are focusing on improving your dance/martial arts skills instead of changing your body. Your body changes without your really trying. I hope these also help you feel better about your body as much for what it can do as for how it looks, which is what they did for me.

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Name : Diana, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Religion : Catholic, Age : 18, City : Sacramento, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : High School Diploma, 

[Stacey]

Your comment about withering away concerns me. Are you losing weight? If so, I'd strongly suggest you go to a doctor. Also, maybe you'd benefit from visiting a nutritionist. First visit your doctor and explain your concern and request to see a nutritionist. The only other thing I'd suggest is looking at why this affects you so much.

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Name : Stacey, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jehovahs Witness, Age : 28, City : Boston, State : MA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Marron-Bella22143]

Why are you disappointed in the way you look? I used to have the same body structure that you have. I used to get tired of people calling me bones and sticks. But after two kids, I would love to be that size again. Don't let people make you feel bad about being thin. Nine times out of 10, the women who comment are just jealous and wish that they could be as thin as you are. Thin is 'in'. Men like skinny women. Yes, men think that women with meat on their bones are 'sexy', but I hardly ever see many men marry that type of woman. Most of them have a petite wife.

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Name : Marron-Bella22143, Gender : Female, Race : Black/African American, Age : 23, City : Anniston, State : AL Country : United States, Occupation : Customer Service, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower class, 

[John S.]

the hell if you do !!! why do you want to look like all the fat women in seattle....lift weights or something to firm up if you're stressed....but don't get fat...its b.s when people say they like a big woman.

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Name : John S., Gender : Male, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : norwegian/swedish american, Age : 47, City : Federal Way, State : WA Country : United States, Occupation : gaming, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Ashley]

I'm 24, 5'2', small - framed and eternally stuck at 95 pounds. I'm forever trying to gain weight - I *look* fine, but after almost wringing my doctor's arm to check the above with the bmi index, he had to admit I was right - I'm underweight. I also have a very fast metabolism, and hate the fact if I miss one meal, my weight drops. I understand what you mean!

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Name : Ashley, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Disability : Deaf, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 24, City : St. Augustine, State : FL Country : United States, Social class : Middle class, 

[Marlene-Austin]

I, also suffered through most of my life just as you have spoken about. People were always coming up to me and squeezing my arms while making comments about me being so boney, or skinny or whatever. I once asked an over-bearing Pastor that squeezed my arm as if testing a side of beef and commented on my lack of 'meat', why he didn't tell a fat person that they were sooo chubby while giving them a poke like the Pilsbury doughboy. Boy, that sure stopped his commentary! I was 5'6' and weighed in between 92 to 115 pounds. I ate anything and everything I chose, to no avail. People always were telling me I should 'EAT'! (If they only knew!) Today, I am 50 years old and experiencing menopause. Suddenly, the pounds are starting to stay attached to me! Although I am not fat by any means, I am considering some type of diet as I am totally unaccustomed to the extra poundage. I guess what I'm trying to tell you is, pay no mind to those that mention how skinny you are. Enjoy your slim and trim figure and just chalk it up to 'jealousy' when others make comments.

User Detail :  

Name : Marlene-Austin, Gender : Female, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Disability : Paralyzed, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 50, City : Gillett, State : PA Country : United States, Occupation : disabled/college student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

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