[Jessica-N30838]

What is the best way for a woman to respond when asked to get together with a man she is not romantically interested in? Is it best to assume it is a date and say no? What is the best way to say no? This question could also apply to women asking men, women asking women and men asking men.

User Detail :  

Name : Jessica-N30838, Gender : F, Age : 26, City : New York, State : NY Country : United States, 

[Andrew]

If this man is not interesting in any way -- even as a friend -- then just say no thanks. You're not obligated to spend time with someone just because he asks. But if you wouldn't mind spending time with him, you could ensure that it's not a date by inviting other people along, or avoiding date-type places like movies, dinner, long walks on the beach, etc.

User Detail :  

Name : Andrew, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 35, City : Huntington, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Reporter, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[K.J.]

That's always worked for me. You don't owe anyone an explanation, and you have the power and the right to choose with whom you spend your time. If the date is requested from someone I work with my response is that I don't mix my social life with my professional life. If it's someone outside of work, and they are rude enough not to accept 'no, thank you,' I usually tell the person that I'm not interested in seeing anyone at this stage of my life.

User Detail :  

Name : K.J., Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Episcopalian, Age : 47, City : Burke, State : VA Country : United States, Occupation : Systems Analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[laura-a]

I think the problem here is one of assumption, not social interaction. The question to ask yourself is - 'do I want to spend some time in this person's company?' If not, then obviously decline the offer. But if you do, you should accept - because otherwise what you are saying is that men and women only ever socialise when they envisage a romantic attachment: which would be somewhat depressing. It is not difficult to make clear what your expectations are - an airy 'yeah, we could have a coffee some time or something' strikes the right tone; insisting on paying for yourself establishes that you are not being 'taken out' as such. Talking about people you *do* have your eye on usually gets through to the most obtuse suitor - and if all else fails, what is wrong with (when the moment is appropriate) a quick, honest statement that your interest in them is purely platonic? Anyone who then loses interest would hardly be a great friend in any case.

User Detail :  

Name : laura-a, City : Cambridge, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, 

[Scott W.]

It's a good question and I have found the most socially graceful way is to "be busy" or "have plans" on any suggested night if you honestly have no interest at all. Most people are sensitive enough to understand being busy every night for the next 2 weeks is code for: "I'm saving your face here, don't push the issue."

If they won't let the issue drop, I often use a discreet and sensitively delivered, "That's not going to happen." But it's also good to keep in mind that initial impressions can change. You might go out and have a really great time or you might have the opportunity to make a new friend. After all, dinner's only dinner.

User Detail :  

Name : Scott W., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 32, City : New York, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Art Director, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class, 

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