I am a white woman and have never had a black friend. There is a black woman at work with whom I would like to become better acquainted, yet I know she has too much going on at home and at work right now to find time for me. I wrote her an e-mail in which I mentioned that I would contact her later on this summer to see if she'd like to get together. Besides trying to understand what my white privilege will bring into the dynamics of this relationship I'm hoping to form, is there anything else of which I should be aware?
User Detail :
Name : Lori, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 43, City : Saco, State : ME Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, Why do you want to be her friend? Because she's black? Or do you share interests? Particularly enjoy your conversations with her? I guess I'm trying to caution you against trying to form a friendship with her because you want a black friend. If it's the latter, and she can sense it somehow(many black people can), she may be annoyed.
User Detail :
Name : Jennifer30875, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 31, City : Saint Paul, State : MN Country : United States, Occupation : Non-Profit, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, Well, why to you want to be friends with this woman, hopefully not just because she is black. Do the two of you have anything in common outside of the workplace? Similar likes in music, movies, books??? The most important thing in pursuing a friendship is the person, not the color, mutual respect and common interests. You mention that you seem to know some things about her personal life, well unless she told you specifically, don't mention anything, you don't want to be intrusive into her personal life and you don't want to come off as knowing 'how to manage her life better than she does'. The pursuit of an interracial friendship of any kind, begins when we are pursuing a friendship, not a 'statment friend'. Understand that unless she is comfortable with you as a person, a sincere person, she may not wish to pursue a friendship with you. And most especially, if you do become friends and spend time outside of work together--never, ever, ever bring that into the workplace. In other words, base your friendship with this woman on the basis of any other friendship.
User Detail :
Name : Serene28057, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 43, City : Chandler, State : AZ Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, I don't quite understand why you feel like your 'white privilege' will be an issue. Just befriend her like anyone else. I know you may find it hard because you've never had a black friend but we don't bite lol!
User Detail :
Name : LazyRed, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 21, City : Tampa, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : Full-time college student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, It's good that you're willing to make a new friend. Getting to know someone of a race other than their own can have a person not knowing what to expect. But maybe she's had friends of other races before and it won't be a such novelty to her to have someone of your race for a friend. But I think the most important thing to focus on is not so-called 'white privilege' and other real or perceived racial differences. You have to think about the things that will make the two of you compatible as friends. As you get to know each other, you two will discover what moral values, political and religious beliefs and life experiences you share or don't share. And it's those things that will determine how close you two get or whether you even want to be friends at all. You may or may not 'click' with her, just as with anyone else. You have to get to know her and let her get to know you. Are you honest? Is she kind? Are you strong-willed? Is she cynical? It's more about these things than it is about race. And when you discover specifics about her personality, don't come away thinking that all people of her race are like that, whether you find her traits to be good or bad. And hopefully it will all work out.
User Detail :
Name : Bella23336, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Afro-Caribbean, Religion : Christian, Age : 30, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Occupation : Administrative Assistant, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Middle class, I'm surprised you've never been friends with an African-American woman. I think you are too worried about doing the 'wrong thing' instead of looking for commonalities and shared or similar interests, which are the usual starting places for friendships. What do you have in common with this other woman? Why do you want to get to know her better? What can you bring to a friendship? Remember, you are both women, as well as co-workers. I wouldn't get hung up on the race issue. Just be yourself. Be a friend. Why not go out to lunch or even just meet for coffee or tea? That's a good way to start. Even if she has a lot going on, you could get together for 30 minutes to talk.
User Detail :
Name : Annie D., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 50, City : Atlanta, State : GA Country : United States, Occupation : copy editor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, About the only thing I can tell you is that there is very little that you can learn from anyone, white, black, hispanic, asian, anyone that will make you a better friend to this women. You will offend her and she will offend you almost guaranteed but, allowing one another to adjust to the exerience and atmosphere of the other will allow for a friendship to blossom. That's about it. You have to be around each other to learn about each other. Bottomline.
User Detail :
Name : Michael, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 28, City : Jax, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : Tech, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Lower middle class, Dear Lori--first, I applaud your awareness and openness. In response to your question about whether or not there is anything else you need to know, I would ask you to reflect, if you haven't already, on what your motivations might be for pursuing a friendship with this black woman. Is it solely because you have never had a black friend before? Or, is it because there is something you genuinely like about this woman--that you would like to get to know her? If it's the former, explore your reaction to the second question. If it's the latter, then perhaps you could share these things with her. SOME black Americans have a trust issue with whites--maybe from having been burned too many times before. So, she may question your motivation. No one likes to be a TOKEN black friend. Good luck and have a good summer.
User Detail :
Name : Susan Pizarro-Eckert, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Multiracial--SHOCKED that's not an option here!, Religion : Unitarian, Age : 33, City : Brightwaters, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Personal/Business Coach, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, I am a white woman, 53, and I have many friends of all races and creeds. I am afraid,with your very first statement, I would question whether you want this woman as a friend only because 'you've never had a black friend'. In the matter of making friends, do you like her, do you have interests in common? If you met a white woman you enjoyed, would you take into consideration that she has too much going on at home and in her life to be a friend now? I get the feeling you are basically a pretty good person who has been brought up in somewhat isolated circumstances and only know of black persons from TV, what others may have said, and now from work. Just as you would respond to a white woman at work, respond to this woman. Her color does not necessarily define who she is. Because of how she may have been treated in the past, due to her color, her response to you may be cautious...or not. But she is a woman, obviously of intelligence, working for a living, who interests you because of many reasons - not because she happens to be black. So approach her as you would anyone you'd be interested in becoming friends with, emphasizing common interests and, if the interest and respect is mutual, a friendship will grow. If it is not meant to be, it won't be you approaching her because she is black, or her not willing to experience the friendship because you happen to be white. Just be yourself and let her be herself.
User Detail :
Name : Victoria Sefranek, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 53, City : Bethlehem, State : PA Country : United States, Occupation : Administrative Assistant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, This may be a little off the topic... While I applaud you for realizing that you have white privelege that may play a role in your relationship, it seems you are very much focused on it and you could end up being patronizing without meaning too. Admittedly, this is a double edged sword-from my own experience with my white friends, I don't want them to forget that I'm black, but at the same time I don't want them to remember that I'm black and feel like they have to treat me a certain way to make a connection....(hope that makes sense) I'd say start out easily...ultimately my friends are my friends because we like the same sort of stuff, etc. Ask her to go shopping or out to lunch and deal with the dynamics as they happen. Treat her like you'd treat any other new pal...I wouldn't expect to have a deep discussion having to do with race or anything else in the early stages of friendship and I bet she wouldn't either. The deep issues people talk about with friends come when there's good foundation to stand on. Simple, but true....Rome wasn't built ina day. Good luck!
User Detail :
Name : Candy, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 24, City : Los Angeles, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, What do you mean by 'white privilege'? She has privileges, too. She's an American woman. You two may share more than you think. Maybe she'd like a new friend as much as you would.
User Detail :
Name : Kimberly, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 31, City : Kalispell, State : MT Country : United States, Occupation : emergency, Social class : Middle class, I think you should approach a friendship with the African-American woman as you would with any woman. Take the time to get to know her. If you have questions, ask. Try to be honest when she asks you questions that may be uncomfortable. I work with three white women and have formed a friendship with one because we think alike and share a lot in common. This woman may be black, but give her more credit for being a good person and someone you find interesting.
User Detail :
Name : Michelle, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black and Filipino, Religion : Catholic, Age : 27, City : Cleveland, State : OH Country : United States, Occupation : library clerk, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, Why are you even worrying about it? Obviously you have things in common, so why is race a factor for you? Your underlying concerns might even put strain on the friendship. There is no such thing as 'white privilege' anymore. If anything, it's 'black privilege.' You just have to look at 'affirmative action' and all the scholarships, awards and orginizations that blacks have to see that white privilege is no more.
User Detail :
Name : Mari, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Methodist, Age : 28, City : Philadelphia, State : PA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, As far as I know, friendship has never been based on color lines. It has always been just a matter of what type of person you are and what type of person you care to hang around. I am a black female, and the majority of my friends are also black. However, it is not because I chose to mostly have black friends; it was a matter of who I like and who likes me. I think it is good that you may want to go beyond your usual social circle, but don't go looking for a black person to befriend just to say you had/have a black friend, or as an experiment to find out what it is like to have a black friend. Another note on interracial friendships: there are to my knowledge no privileges or restrictions that being a certain race bring (well, not outside of certain things you can't say, like when associating with black people, 'nigger' is definitely not a word that should come out of your mouth). Anything that comes out of a friendship should be genuine.
User Detail :
Name : Denise, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 20, City : Indianapolis, State : IN Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, Whew! I don't know where to begin! I must assume you are sincere but your whole approach troubles me. Did you just decide that you wanted a black friend and chose this woman? Do you have any common interests? Do you have mutual friends? Have you picked up on any signals from her that she would be interested in getting to know you better? Friendship must be mutual, and your posting seems one-sided. Regardless of race, it seems to me that writing someone an e-mail saying that you will contact them later in the summer is a strange way to make friends. I have friends of many races, and I believe true friendships operate on a personal level rather than on a group-to-group level. What you would need to know is how to relate to that specific person. The way you find that out is by talking to her about mutual interests. For example, do you both garden? Read books? Go to movies? Because you both work at the same place, there should be some common ground.
User Detail :
Name : Ramonna30223, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Episcopalian, City : Minneapolis, State : MN Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 
Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences .
