Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 7 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 20 years, 3 months ago by
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- To men and women: I am a mother of two, 28 and have been dating the same guy for 3 1/2 years. Here's the problem: Our sex life is boring. I'm attractive and used to enjoy sex with him - at least somewhat - but now I want to experiment and do different things, but I'm too shy to try anything, as I'm worried about what he might think and how he will respond. Some time ago he cheated on me, and now I find it very hard to come to terms with. Also, when it comes to sex, it's when he wants it, and what he wants, and it's very routine. Does anyone have suggestions or advice about my situation?
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Name : dannielle, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : bicurious/straight, Race : dutch/spanish/caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 28, City : kitchener, State : NA Country : Canada, Occupation : photo lab technician, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class,You should never be afraid to tell your boyfriend what you want sexually; you might be surprised and find that he wants the same thing. He may be afraid to tell you he wants the same thing. One of the reasons men cheat in relationships is that they are afraid to experiment with their wives and girlfriends, so they go out and find some girl they don't really care as much about and do tings with her that they think they can't do with their wives. If you don't assert yourself, you will be frustrated and begin to resent the relationship. Also, if you don't say anything, you can't complain when he doesn't please you.User Detail :
Name : Sherman, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 34, City : Richmond, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Contractor, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Middle class,I'm not sure how you define a boring sex life, but I'll share my experience. I left behind my hangups about sex after dating a woman who didn't have any hangups. Before I met her, I had problems talking to women about sex. But she was patient and made me comfortable in bed. And she took things into her own hands without asking. I remember she once surprised me by giving me oral sex while I was sleeping. I'll never forget that. It was the best wakeup I've ever had. I guess she wasn't worried about how I would respond. I've always been curious about sex, and I'm pretty open to trying new things. Is your boyfriend the same? And have y'all talked about this? Maybe talking is a good place to start.User Detail :
Name : Elliott, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Raised Baptist, not agnostic, not a big believer, Age : 37, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,It doesn't sound like you have a very trusting relationship with this man. You don't trust his reactions enough to tell him what you really want, and you don't trust his loyalty because he already cheated. To top it off, the entire stalemate affects your sex life. It sounds to me like you better get another man, someone you can trust. Then, I think, you won't be shy about being yourself in bed.User Detail :
Name : T27563, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 32, City : Munich, State : NA Country : Germany, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,Leave him. He is probably cheating on you, or will soon. Take it from someone who has cheated on his partner. If you do plan on staying with him, I would get some pornos. Most guys like pornos. Also, be more assertive. You need to be the one who takes control. If he doen't respond or turns you down more than once, you are wasting your time.User Detail :
Name : KZ26153, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, City : St. Paul, State : MN Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,I was in a nearly five-year relationship with a man who had cheated. I found myself facing a similar situation, asking similar questions. Our sex life (if you could call it that) had hit a brick wall. Sex was infrequent, and always very rigid and rushed. I told myself that we just needed some variety - some spice. I told him that I wanted to try a threesome. I also agreed to exhibitionism. We rented porn videos, purchased toys and visited sex clubs.Though I now have many great stories to tell at parties, none of these things re-ignited the flame in our love life. In fact, I found myself to be increasingly insecure and unhappy. In October 1999 I made the frightening decision to become a single mother. It's not a choice I regret. I have come to acknowledge the fact that I never really wanted to spice up our relationship. When he cheated, I felt the relationship slip from me. In a desperate attempt to regain his affections, I tried to change my morals and interests so I could be the type of woman he would be attracted to. It never worked. It wasn't a good time for him to be in a committed relationship.
I'm not saying you should leave your boyfriend. What I'm asking you to do is explore your desires. Decide what you are and are not comfortable with, and stick to it. Don't be pressured into something you're not ready for. Since your trust in this man has been tested, I suggest starting out small. Role-playing only requires the two of you and a few outfits and props. Or you could purchase a few naughty lingerie items and surprise him with a new look. Toys are fun (as I've come to realize in my current relationship). I'd start with toys for you that you let him use on you. Then you could see if you're comfortable with using toys on him (fake vaginas and whatnot). Pornos are fun to watch together. In addition to being erotic, they're also pretty funny. I recommend Buffy the Vampire Layer, XXX Trek and The Three Musketeers (queer king and all).
If you find yourself becoming uncomfortable, you need to address these feelings with your mate. Ignoring them will make them worse. Don't be afraid to ask your mate to make certain promises to you. I purchased a porn DVD recently and asked my boyfriend to promise that it would stay at my apartment and we would only watch it together. I've seen him stare at it longingly, but he respects my request.
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Name : Kerri, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 23, City : Chicago suburbs, State : IL Country : United States, Occupation : Government/Clerical, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class,I am in a relationship and had to tell my boyfriend that i wanted to experiment with other people. WOMEN and it was hard but after that i hve had no problem say and doing anything with him. It has to do with trust give him some and see what he does.User Detail :
Name : hey!, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 16, City : hollywood, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class,I think the core issue here is that he cheated on you, and it's still an issue between the two of you. Your pain and hurt and anger and his guilt and shame are probably still there in some regard. If you don't work through this issue, it won't go away on its own. If you are both committed to the relationship, I'd suggest seeing a relationship counsellor who can give you the 'tools' to help you work through this, as well as generally improving the way your relationship works. I bet you dollars to donuts that if you can learn to work through the 'chearing' issue, you can work through the 'sexual awakening' issue! Be aware that in most places, almost anyone can call themselved a 'counsellor', so ideally find a a Ph.D. psychologist or an LCSW (licensed clinical social workers), but most importantly, find someone you both like and trust. If you've been to counselling and it didn't help, find another counsellor. And good luck!User Detail :
Name : Ken, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Secular Humanist, Age : 36, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Occupation : IT, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
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