[J. Williams]

For gay couples, some questions I've often wondered about but haven't been able to ask: Do committed gay couples sharing a household typically spend the night together - same bed, bodies entwined? Does the frequency of sex drop off with time in gay relationships, as it does in heteorosexual relationships and marriages? Would you prefer your straight friends and coworkers sidestep any comments or queries that relate to personal matters - or at least let you make the first move in that direction?

User Detail :  

Name : J. Williams, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 55, City : shawnee, State : KS Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, 

[G. P.]

One of the greatest misconceptions about gay people is that we are completely unlike straight people. Although the differences are obvious, our likeness to heterosexuals is much more profound. We are attracted to someone, we court them, we fall in love and move in together, and sometimes, we commit to each other in a ceremony (although not a legal one, yet). I have been with my partner for three years now, and I am more in love with him today than ever. We live together and sleep together. We start and end every day with a kiss, and I can count on one hand the times we haven't fallen asleep in each other's arms. I'm very lucky. But just like heterosexuals our sex lives vary by person and by couple. Some have very active sex lives, and other's have sex lives that have dwindled. Like heterosexuals, the daily stresses of living, work, maintaining a household, paying bills... can take its toll on a couple's sex life. And children can impede on the frequency and quality of intimate relations as well. (Yes, some of us have kids too). As for questions or comments about our 'personal matters' by friends and co-workers, the same guidelines of propriety that govern such questions to straight people should apply to gay people. It would be equally inappropriate to ask a co-worker questions of a sexual nature, regardless of their sexual orientation. Having said that, though, being gay should not be thought of as a dirty little secret. As a gay person, I would welcome questions from heterosexuals if it would lead to greater understanding, tolerance and acceptance from the straight community.

User Detail :  

Name : G. P., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 36, City : Salt Lake City, State : UT Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Matthew]

Hate to debunk another slander against gays, but our relationships, other than the fact that they involve same-sex particpants, are the same as straights. Yes, we sleep together, yes, we cuddle, yes, we want the best for our family and friends, yes, we fight, and yes, we make up. Some of our relationships are long-term with only the same partner, and some of have partners who commit adultery. With respect to the questions, as with anything personal, there should be some level of decorum. Also, what is your reason for asking? If it is to be a friend, that is one thing. If it is to be a meddling soul/gossip-seeker, they would probably rather have you keep a social distance. as would most people.

User Detail :  

Name : Matthew, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 42, City : New York, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Actor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 

[Ben S.]

My impression is that many gay couples do sleep together almost all of the time, like heterosexual couples. But given that we have to write our own rules, you will find that there is more variety than the 'heterosexual model' among gay relationships. Some couples might not live together, or might have a concept of 'commitment' that does not always involve sleeping together; it may involve sleeping with other partners. With all people, I guess, there is some drop-off in frequency of sex as the relationship matures. Life's like that for all of us, I suppose, regardless of sexual preference. For myself, I do not mind questions about personal matters, as long as the asker is prepared to accept a fairly frank answer. I will not 'push the envelope' in the workplace, but I answer honestly when asked, as long as the situation is not obviously threatening. I do notice that many straight people are very surprised at this, and sometimes a little uncomfortable.

User Detail :  

Name : Ben S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 31, City : sydney, State : NA Country : Australia, Occupation : Public servant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[Alma]

My partner of 18 years and I rarely sleep apart; only if one of us is ill and needs the extra space and quiet. Even then, I just don't sleep soundly without her body cuddled next to mine. I think sexual frequency varies from couple to couple, for both gay and straight relationships. Suffice to say that when we're both 'in the mood,' we plan to have time for ourselves. Sometimes it's frequent, sometimes not.

It does not bother me if straight co-workers ask questions. If it's too personal, I gently make that known. However, the only way to bust a stereotype is to confront it with the truth. Example: BIG MYTH: Gays are pedophiles. Fact: Every report by every state and federal agency throughout the United States denounces this in black and white. My partner and I try hard to lead by example and not copy bigoted behavior by repeating it toward another person - even if that person behaves in a hateful manner. Somedays this is difficult; but, we feel it is important.

User Detail :  

Name : Alma, Gender : Female, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Methodist, City : Kempner, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : contract employee, Education level : 4 Years of College, 

[Chuck]

To answer your questions in order: Most committed gay couples sharing a household typically spend the night together. Some don't; their relationship may have changed from more of a romantic/passionate relationship to more of a roommate/platonic relationship. Some couples share a household and have an emotional connection but maintain an open relationship that allows them to see other folks. Depends on the couple. 'Same bed, bodies entwined'? Again, depends, but generally, yes, the way most straight married couples do. On the amount of sex over time, again, I'd bet there are some parallels there between long-term straight couples and long-term gay couples (though I'm always a believer in quality over quantity). I don't have any problems with friends talking with me about personal matters, the same way I would talk with them. Co-workers ... not necessarily. But then, I wouldn't talk with a lot of my co-workers about personal matters.

User Detail :  

Name : Chuck, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 37, City : Raleigh, State : NC Country : United States, Occupation : Copy editor, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Dennis25846]

The best answer I can give your questions is no definitive answer, because each committed gay couple is unique, just as each straight committed couple is unique. For example, we have one bed, and we toss and turn just as any other couple in the course of a night.

I would like to answer your third question first: My co-workers and friends know I am in a committed relationship, and they ask me (or don't ask me) any personal questions they would or not ask anyone in a straight relationship. The general rule of thumb, I feel, is that if you wouldn't want to answer the question yourself, don't ask the question of anyone else. I can't answer your second question; I've never been in a straight, committed relationship

User Detail :  

Name : Dennis25846, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Taoist, Age : 42, City : Boston, State : MA Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Chuck A.]

My partner Greg and I recently celebrated 15 months together (i.e. since we were introduced; no legal marriage yet!), and for all practical purposes we're just like any married couple: We sleep together at night, and sex is not as frequent as it was at first (though it's still just as enjoyable). Each day we tell each other 'I love you,' not to reassure each other, but because we mean it. We are monogamous but not judgemental of other couples who might be in more 'open' relationships. Greg is my love, my life, and my inspiration. I can't imagine life without him.

User Detail :  

Name : Chuck A., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 41, City : Spring Hill, State : WV Country : United States, Occupation : AIDS Educator/Part-time radio announcer, 

[Iteki]

Yep, your average les/gay/bi person is just as likely to snuggle up with and fall asleep in the arms of his or her lover as your average straight person. And I reckon the statistics on 'bed-death' look about the same for gay and straight couples. The main day-to-day difference between your average l/g/b marriage and straight marriage is that the roles in the house are handed out based on who is best at them or wants them, not on the basis of who's male or female. For example, my wife does the cooking because I am a useless cook and don't enjoy it. I do the food shopping because I am much better at finding good deals and nice ingredients. She does the 'spider-catching' when they find their way into the apartment, and I clean the floors. Know what I mean? Of course, every couple is different, whether straight or gay.

As for whether co-workers should sidestep or ask, it depends on the question. Obviously there are some things I consider to be none of their damned business, no matter how 'understandingly' they ask. On the other hand, I have had good friends ask stupid questions like 'Is one of you the man' because they wondered, and in that case I prefer people ask than go around with a big question mark in their heads.

User Detail :  

Name : Iteki, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Recovering Catholic, Age : 25, City : Stockholm (Via Dublin), State : NA Country : Sweden, Occupation : student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[michael]

I've been with my boyfriend for about a year now, and we started living together this past summer. It's been four months since we moved in together, and we do sleep together every night, we love to cuddle, spoon, and hug. I think it just helps us get to sleep. though I haven't noticed any signifficant drop in our sexual activity, I think that occurrs naturally as a relationship progresses because the nature of the relationship changes as you've been with the other person. you come to appreicate just being with the other more and more, and I've come appreciate just holding and being held as much as having sex. it's just nice to have someone to crawl in bed with someone you love. as far as my friends and coworkers 'sidestepping' personal issues like this. I'm always open to answering any questions people ask (within reason). I aim to foster understanding and break ignorance because I think it's important that straight people realize that in a gay relationship, the only real change from a straight one is that both partners are of the same sex. other than that, it's all the same. which is to say, each gay relationship is different, just like every straight relationship is.

User Detail :  

Name : michael, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 19, City : Savannah, State : GA Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[M]

Yes sex does slow down in a gay relationship,,just as it does in a hetro relationship. That is a normal occurance. Why would you think anything different? The homosexual population is no different from the african american population ro the asian popluation or anyother population. This is LIFE!!!!!!!

User Detail :  

Name : M, City : detroit, State : MI Country : United States, 

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