[Priscilla30297]

I have spent a lot of time with gay men, time that I've really enjoyed. There is a problem, though. I find that they are often really unreliable. For example, they're late, they cancel arrangements at the last possible minute, etc. It's really hard for me to cope with. It's not how I operate. I realize that problem might not be just gay men, and that it could be a broader social problem, but am I right in thinking this is related to gay men?

User Detail :  

Name : Priscilla30297, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 23, City : Sydney, State : NA Country : Australia, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Lisa]

I live in Los Angeles where the general culture is one of unreliability. People run late as a matter of course and 'flake' or break committments all the time when something better comes up. I have absolutely no idea why. Being from Boston this habit still disconcerts me. I find it pretty offensive when people don't respect your time. That said, it wouldn't matter if a gay man or anyone else did it. It is distinctly the culture of Southern California. I don't know if there are similar such patterns in Australia.

User Detail :  

Name : Lisa, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 24, City : los Angeles, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Thom24778]

In my experience, some gay men are unreliable, others absolutely reliable. Again in my experience, some strait men are unreliable, others absolutely reliable. Like you, not being able to rely on someone deeply distresses me. I refuse to waste time on the unreliable of any orientation. There are too many reliable people to work and play with.

User Detail :  

Name : Thom24778, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Age : 57, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 

[John]

I would want to say this is an unfair generalization, but unfortunately I have found, as a gay man, that what you say is often very true. It aggravates the hell out of me, as I am much less tolerant of this sort of behavior than you seem to be. And yes, I do agree with you about it being more prevalent in our community -- but definitely NOT among lesbians. My only theory is gay men get into a mindset that since their lives go against social norms (or at least the more conservative ones) is that they feel that norms of etiquette do not apply either. Another experience I have often had is inviting people to dinner parties without even the slightest attempt at a return invitation (including even someething as simple as brunch at a restaurant). I am happy with my sexual orientation and do not think I am self-hating, so I do not believe my ciriticism of other gay men is based on this. It would be interesting to hear from others on this subject.

User Detail :  

Name : John, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 44, City : Chicago, State : IL Country : United States, Occupation : systems analyst, 

[AD]

I've got a friend who is gay and a hundred times more reliable than many of my other friends, gay or straight. But, in my experience, many gay men have fewer serious social responsibilities (commited relationships, parenting, etc) - allowing them, if they choose, to extend their adolescence into their late fifties - maybe many straight guys would do this, too, if it weren't for their girlfriends/wives/fiances. Or, if you'd rather, think of this: out gay men are more likely to be social risk-takers - willing to risk some disapproval in order to satisfy their desire - they probably have some overlap with the people who don't care if they piss their friends off now and then. However, I think the gay men I know who are socially conscientious are exceptionally conscientious - maybe even the last vestiges of some of the more formal social customs of my grandparents.

User Detail :  

Name : AD, City : Philadelphia, State : PA Country : United States, 

[Will24453]

as a Sydneysider who likes Melbourne FAR more than Sydney, I suggest that your friends are typical Sydney gay men in their early '20s. Sydney social life is always fluid and contingent - people race from place to place, new people are met and drugs are ever at hand to change the dynamic of the night: appointments become irrelevent. The fluidity becomes extreme in summer. On a more mundane level, Sydney can be very frustrating to navigate. Q: are straight men in yr social group more reliable?

User Detail :  

Name : Will24453, City : Melbourne, State : NA Country : Australia, 

[Don25599]

Not all gay men are late and unreliable. I am always early to any meeting because I hate being late. I very rarely cancel anything at the last minute. I know that I am not the only one, I have gay friends that are always late, and some that are always early or on time and reliable.

User Detail :  

Name : Don25599, City : Denver, State : CO Country : United States, 

[Josh]

From my experience, I notice that more gay men are flakey than not. It's one of those things that applies to all people, though. I believe it's a larger social problem, but gay men are more likely to be flakey. I know I am. I wish I could tell you why! I also know gay men who aren't. It's one of those really gray questions.

User Detail :  

Name : Josh, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 22, City : Salt Lake City, State : UT Country : United States, Occupation : Data Management, 

[Patrick Kellogg]

The two previous posters are 22 and 23, respectively. You might be meeting a lot of newly-out 'party boys'. Hunt down some sraight 'frat boys' of the same age, and I bet they aren't very responsible either. Two things: first of all, examine your expectations and why you like gay men. Do you have 'Will & Grace' notions of what gay men are like? Maybe you are expecting them to be something they are not. If they are solely interested in dating men and having sex at this stage in their life, maybe you aren't their first priority as a friend. But also, gay men change. I know several that have cared for their aging parents later in life... my theory being that without the responisibility of raising children of their own, some gay men can be *more* responisble than their siblings (just another stereotype... I know some irresponsible gay 'party grandpas' too). Maybe every mother should have a gay child to take care of them in later life

User Detail :  

Name : Patrick Kellogg, Gender : Male, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 35, City : Denver, State : CO Country : United States, Occupation : Self-unemployed, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Author]

Posts