[Marie]

I am an outspoken female leaving for India in a month. I want to know if there is anything I should be worried about, such as covering my face or how I dress, drinking at bars, etc. I do not want to offend anyone, and I do not want to put myself in danger. Are there any web sites I can visit to find out what is acceptable, or does anyone have any advice? Also, I will be meeting my boyfriend's parents for the first time and wanted to know some dos and don'ts.

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Name : Marie, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 21, City : Southfield, State : MI Country : United States, 

[Padmanabhan]

If you dress decent enough (not revealing clothes), you will avoid unwanted stares. It's not necessary to cover your face. Regarding meeting your boyfriend's family - if they are very conservative, do not shake hands with both genders. Instead, say 'Namaste' (or similar phrase in your boyfriend's mother tongue) with folded hands (Indian way of greeting). It's also better to avoid profanities like "hell," "shit," etc., during conversation. Also, always use your right hand whenever you hand over anything to others. Similarly, use only the right hand if you are taking food by hand. Do not use both hands for taking food. Do not call everybody by first name. This applies only to your elders. Call 'aunty' for women or 'uncle' for men. Avoid smoking or drinking in front of your boyfriend's family. Avoid using your footwear once inside the house. Observe the surroundings in your boyfriend's place. You will learn a lot. If you are doing something for the first time, take a cue by observing your boyfriend's body language.

All the above may or may not be valid depending on the social status of your boyfriend's family. I wish you a memorable stay in India.

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Name : Padmanabhan, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Asian, Religion : Hindu, Age : 31, City : Madras, State : NA Country : India, Occupation : Software Engineer, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Cheryl]

You might try http://www.atlapedia.com. And, since you admit being outspoken, try to 'stifle,' as Archie Bunker would say. Think of it as a classroom with everyone else being a teacher and yourself the student.

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Name : Cheryl, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 51, City : Wysox, State : PA Country : United States, Occupation : Med tech, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Kent26456]

Please buy and read A Lonely Planet Guide to India before you get there; they are the most sensitive to local cultures. Indian society varies enormously by class, education, income and geography. Your boyfriend will guide you but will not tell you everything that may matter because he is probably bicultural now.

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Name : Kent26456, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Episcopalian, Age : 58, City : Melbourne, State : NA Country : Australia, Occupation : Academic, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Lisa]

I moved to India when I was 20 and experienced a minimum of any kind of sexual harassment. Here is my advice to you:
1. In most places, wear at least short sleeves and always skirt/pants that reach your ankles. Do not wear low-cut shirts, halter tops, sleevless shirts or shorts. (Note: Long skirts are actually cooler than shorts). If your hair is blond, tie it back. The exceptions: You can wear shorts, bathings suits, etc. in the beach/tourism towns (Goa, Kerala, etc.). And in the major cities there are hotel discos where tighter tops and shorter skirts are acceptable, primarily because most disco attendees are fairly 'worldly.' Bombay is generally also more 'worldly.'
2. You do NOT have to cover your face or hair. That is a practive limited to very strict Muslims and very conservative Hindu regions. I saw 'purdah,' the practice of covering one's face, mostly in Rajasthan, a conservative state. Also, Sikh women cover their hair. If you enter a Sikh temple you should cover your hair. Also, Kashmir, Pakistan and Bangladesh may be more stringent, as they are Muslim regions/nations. Altogether, consider the fact that India is diverse, that many people do many different things. There is a lot of latitude granted to foreigners, but it's even better if you get it right.
3. Be culturally sensitive. If you're not sure, just ask. Indians are glad to answer. Do not act scared. India does not have the same character of violence the United States has. Common sense precautions will eliminate most risks, and in my opinion, acting scared of their 'repressive' culture is unnecessary. I found Indian men on the whole to be caring and helpful. Your confident body language and welcoming face will prevent a great deal of harassment simply by acting like you're walking through a sea of humans, not angry dogs. And if you get pinched, let it go. Worse things happen in the world. You can tell the police, but beware, the police will beat the perpetrator to near-death for his actions. Not worth it.
4. Regarding bars: Chances are, if there's a bar, you can probably drink at it. Bars tend to be limited to tourism areas/hotels. But use common sense, i.e. don't drink alone and don't get drunk in a strange place. If you're with an Indian family, I'd refrain. Good luck and Namaste.

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Name : Lisa, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 24, City : los Angeles, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Diana]

People will always be asking 'what country?' Unless they are people your boyfriend introduces you to, don't tell them. If you tell people, they'll try to cheat you, and if they're male, they'll also sexually harass you. If you get inappropriately touched, the best thing is to tell the person you are offended, or yell at them. Don't let them get away with it so they'll treat other foreigners the same way. It doesn't matter what you wear, if people know you're a foreigner and they're not educated about other cultures, they will sexually harass you, so try not to go anywhere without your boyfriend.

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Name : Diana, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Religion : Catholic, Age : 18, City : Sacramento, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : High School Diploma, 

[Padmanabhan19841]

Please use the 'Search Database' in Y? Forum for previous responses regarding this question. At least four responses are available before Ms. Diana's. I take strong exception to what Ms. Diana says about India and its people. Most of the people are good-natured and very helpful, not only to foreigners but also to other people who come from a different state. If you travel by yourself, you need to be careful regarding the lowest-income group like rickshaw pullers, auto drivers, etc. who may try to overcharge you. But if you know the destination and the distance, you could bargain very well. Some would accept the meter charges. Nobody will try to harass you sexually unless you invite it yourself. Please do come visit India and have a firsthand experience.

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Name : Padmanabhan19841, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Asian, Religion : Hindu, Age : 31, City : Madras, State : NA Country : India, Occupation : Software Engineer, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Zip]

Contrary to popular belief, the majority of women in India DO NOT cover their faces with veils. The only ones who do this are the Orthodox Muslim women, who are a minority. Because you are going in the summer, it will be awfully hot, humid, sultry and sticky. So take a lot of cool cotton clothing to make yourself comfortable. In most major cities, especially nowadays, young women are dressed like their Western counterparts (shorts, sleeveless, minis, etc.); in some cases trendier than in the United States! For your safety, always travel in a group or with your boyfriend. As long you go to bars frequented by a student or youthful crowd, you should be fine drinking there.

But let me be blunt: New Delhi is a city full of jerks and sleazeballs. Yes, even the ones dressed in suits. So dress down so as not to invite unwanted attention. The farther south you go, the more polite it gets. Bombay, Bangalore and Chennai are cosmopolitan and women move freely without fear of harassment or being hassled. These places also have pretty cool discos/nightclubs, and the party scene is quite good. As long as you are with company, you should be safe here.

'Meet the Parents': Your safest bet is to dress conservatively - Indian style - but knowing that you are from the United States, they are bound to cut you some slack. I don't know what ethnic background your boyfriend is from (Hindu, Muslim, Christian/Catholic, Sikh, Parsi, Jain), but he should fill you in on what traditional dress to wear, as his parents would love to see you in one. You may be outspoken in a youthful crowd, but show reverence and respect for elders by giving them the right-of-way in every situation ... even if you know they are wrong. Just play it quietly, as most young men will also do so in such a situation. Respect for elders is a MUST. Immediate and extended family are extremely important in Indian society, so expect to meet all of them while you are there. Avoid drinking in front of the elders unless your boyfriend thinks it's OK.

What to expect: Cities are crowded and polluted, but suburbs are fine; Too many beggars on the street may hound you for cash, so watch your bag; Slow service in most cases; Chicken and goat meat are popular, beef is very hard to get.

Don't: Give or take anything with your left hand, or be too assertive with the elders.

DOo: remove footwear while walking into anyone's house or place of worship.

All in all, I am sure you will enjoy your trip. Have fun!

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[pissedkitty]

I had the same experience 3 years ago. I went to India to be married. The things that stand out for me are: close your eyes when they drive. It's terrifying and there are few road laws. Don't show your armpits and don't try to stare men down when they stare at you. Here it works to make them back down, but there they can stare longer than you can. There is something called 'eve teasing,' when men will harass you on the street. Some Indian women carry stickpins with them to poke rude men. Holding your hands in a prayer stance and saying NAMASTE when you meet elders is nice, and perhaps expected. Carry some tissues with you because the bathroom is not like ours. A lot of women don't even use public restrooms and would rather wait to go home. Travel is exhausting. And if you have a layover in a Muslim counrty, be particularly discreet and proper. I got yelled at by a military airport security person for sitting cross-legged in a seat. The family will almost interview you, even though your man has already chosen you. Hang in there. My Indian man was certainly worth the trouble and I suspect yours is, too.

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[Diana]

'Nobody will try to harrass you sexually unless you invite it yourself.' This reflects an attitude I found prevalent in India: blaming the woman for a man's unacceptable behavior. In the United States it is believed that no matter what a woman wears, a man has no right to force unwanted sexual acts on her. It seems you believe that simply buying something in a store, walking down the street, entering your hotel room with your friends, or simply stating your nationality is 'inviting on yourself' having your crotch groped or your ass slapped. This happened to me and my friends, and I also witnessed Indian men doing the same to Indian women. My Indian women friends also hate this behavior of some of the men. A group of my friends were in the North during a festival. The other tourists had left because the locals had warned them they would be sexually harassed the next day if they stayed, but these friends arrived too late for the warning. The girls were very upset about the way they were violated. Perhaps you don't see this problem because you are neither female nor a foreigner. I stand by my advice.

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Name : Diana, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Religion : Catholic, Age : 18, City : Sacramento, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : High School Diploma, 

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