Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 13 replies, 14 voices, and was last updated 17 years, 10 months ago by
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- I have noticed this all my life: Why is it that black women who are overweight exude self-confidence, while most white overweight women hate themselves and try desperately to change their bodies? Is it a cultural thing? Has anyone else noticed this?
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Name : Jennie31022, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 22, City : Huntington, State : WV Country : United States, Occupation : Office worker, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,As a black woman who has been overweight most of my life, I can say that one reason for the confidence we have is that our men culturally seem to prefer our curves - they tell us that they prefer a curvy size 9 to a skinny size 6. They say they prefer a slightly rounded belly to seeing our rib bones sticking out. Other women of our culture reinforce this preference up to a certain point. As long as we are proportional and healthy, we make the cut. For my height, I have always been a little too big by cover girl standards, a D cup and wide hips. But this is the first time in my life I have felt truly overweght, and even now I am only 30 pounds outside my ideal. We also did not necessarily internalize the national/international standard of beauty because it did not include us, but this is changing. Bulimia and anorexia nervosa is increasing in young black teens at an alarming rate. Hopefully the majority of us will see our curves as a blessing, and maybe the world's image of what a beautiful woman is will change back to what it was before about 100-200 years ago, a healthy medium. After all, the average size woman, black or white, is a size 12.User Detail :
Name : Tinu, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Age : 27, City : Greenbelt, State : MD Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I have also noticed this. I never really understood why, but after reading a news article recently, things started to click into place. A remote country was recently introduced to main stream television, and after a short period of time, younger women there began to suffer from anorexia nervosa and bulimia at an alarming rate. The effect of watching idolized women on TV sent them a message that if they weren't thin and model-looking (freakishly thin and tall) they were unattractive. I believe the same thing happens here. We still live in a racist society, and the reality is that most shows on television do not star and showcase African-American actors. This is changing, of course, very slowly over time, raising more concern that the younger African-American generation will think they must be thin to be beautiful. It is society's view of beauty delivered from the media (all forms). The average size woman is a 12, but how often do you see an actor on TV that plays the role of a drop-dead georgeous woman portrayed as a size 12? It's no wonder white women feel the way they do about their weight. I applaud black women for their ability to see themselves at a normal weight as they are: Beautiful.User Detail :
Name : M.G., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 27, City : Lafayette, State : LA Country : United States, Occupation : Hardware Design Engineer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I think African-American women are stronger, socially, than most. They've had to be. More than any other group in our country, these women have had to overcome the most trials and prejudice. I'm tired of sociey having unrealistic concepts of what women should look like. Look how many women we've lost because of this. We need to love ourselves - no matter what our size.User Detail :
Name : Cyndi, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Orthodox, Age : 28, City : Columbus, State : OH Country : United States, Occupation : Advertising executive, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I'm interested in knowing more about this study you mentioned. Do you know where I can get that information?User Detail :
Name : Dave, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Age : 27, City : Chicago, State : IL Country : United States, Occupation : Law Clerk, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,OK, enough about how confident we are. In a minute I'll have to pull out my boots! Granted, many large black women are more confident about their voluptuous bodies than white women. But there are also plenty of sistas who, while they exude confidence, nonetheless complain and worry about their weight. We may experience less pressure from our men, but many of us look at magazines like Essence and complain that too many of the cover women are not representative of what we look like. Maybe this is just me, but I'm a size 10. I don't have flawless makeup, nor do I wear casual outfits that cost a $100-plus. And too many black women are too heavy for their frames, have poor eating habits and fail to exercise properly. This is indicative of low self-esteem, not self-love and confidence. So let's stop pretending black women don't have self-image issues, because we do. And before we can heal, we have to admit that we hurt. That always-strong, sexy, confident, intelligent, ultra-cool persona is not a realistic portrait of who I am (or my fellow sistas). We are as varied as all women - some days my strut is tough, and other days, I'd rather hide behind the shadows.User Detail :
Name : annonymous, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 34, City : Detroit, State : MI Country : United States,All my life I have been call 'black,' 'thick' and 'heavy.' When I was younger, these comments upset me. But as I got older, I realized that 1) Black men loved my black thickness. They saw it as wonderful and desireable. 2) White women, who are considered beautiful for being thin and fair, miss out on good food, warm sun and daring dress styles by letting others define their beauty. 3) 'Black and thick' does not mean ugly. That's just a true assessment of who I am. My family told me I was beautiful. I couldn't deny that. I think most black women realize at a very early age tha we will never be 'mainstream' pretty in America. We also learn that we are beautiful and desireable because we see our fathers, brothers and uncles wanting, desiring and complimenting beautiful black women. Confidence comes from inside, when you realize that you will never be what fashion magazines want but can still acknowledge that you are 'all that' because you look in the mirror and can see it. You learn to carry your confidence well and have no shame for being who you are.User Detail :
Name : Mrs. Williams, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 28, City : Athens, State : GA Country : United States, Occupation : educator, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,In black culture it is definitely not cool to be supermodel-thin. When I was younger I was always teased for being skinny and always had relatives trying to get me to eat. Big hips, chests and behinds are prized among most black men. As a result, heavy black women are comfortable with their weight.User Detail :
Name : K.J., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black West Indian/American, Religion : Catholic, Age : 17, City : Bronx, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : High School Student, Social class : Middle class,I have noticed this, too. In fact, Connie Chung did a segment on this topic during which a black woman and some black male friends of hers were interviewed. The consensus was that many black men do not mind (and some like) large women. Definitely not a scientific study, but it may begin to explain the differences.User Detail :
Name : Rosemary, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, City : Greensboro, State : NC Country : United States,After having a baby 11 years ago, I went from a size 6 to a size 16. Thanks to the South Beach Diet, I am a size 10 and my goal is a size 8. About a third of black women in this country are obese, and it's ruining our health. Many of us suffer from hypertension, diabetes and are at great risk of having strokes and heart attacks. Every day I see overweight women who cannot walk a city block or up a flight of stairs without huffing and puffing. Many of us have very poor eating habits and diets. Greasy, high-carb, starchy diets are contributing to the obesity and contributing health problems. I would love to shoot the person who coined the term, 'big and beautiful', because it's a big lie. There is NOTHING beautiful about a woman who's 50, 100 or more pounds overweight. Obesity is unattractive. Yes, I tried to fool myself with that 'I'm big and beautiful' nonsense...right up til the second I broke the zipper out of a pair of size 14 pants I was trying on last summer. And as I looked at myself in that mirror, my heart broke. It was that day that I resolved to stop lying to myself, and lose the weight. Using cute terms will not erase the truth that too many of us are just too damn big. And there's nothing beautiful about it. And trust me; the majority of overweight sistas are not feeling the confidence they exude.User Detail :
Name : RhondaOutlaw, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Lutheran, Age : 41, City : New York, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Account Representative, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I hardly think even 50 years of military travel would expose you to a representative sample of black women. I have been to Africa, where we are most of the population. I have been to England, where we are a minority, but there are still enough of us to get a good sampling, if you look in the right places... By this i mean that, just as in business travel or in pleasure travel, the people you are going to see in military travel do not represent the diaspora of black people, or any people, worldwide. Go to a place where blacks are in the majority, and you will see the full scale of us. Also, a size 9 actually isn't 'big', as you put it. A size 12 on a short woman is getting there. So this leads me to wonder if you even realize what the average size is for women in the United States and worldwide. In the United States it is a size 12, and climbing. In other countries, it is a few sizes smaller, but it still isn't a size four. So i would say, find out what the sizes are of these women you are seeing, you'd be surprised. Second, go deep into their neighborhood, and meet the mothers, and cousins, and daughters of the women who hang out at the beach in bikinis.User Detail :
Name : Tinu, Gender : F, City : Greenbelt, State : MD Country : United States,I don't like the word 'overweight.' Who determines the 'right' weight anyhow? I think a good term is 'real sized' women. There are more 'real sized' women than slim women in this world. Anyhow, black men I know prefer 'real sized' ladies!User Detail :
Name : T27558, City : Springfield, State : IL Country : United States,'Real Sized Women', 'Big and Beautiful' and 'Thick' are cute names for Obesity. Now if you think that heart disease, stroke, diabetes and hypertension are 'cute' diseases and are 'cute' on Black women, then that's really sad to me. As a woman who has been FAT, I know that it can take it's toll on one's body and health. So you continue to play the 'game'. I'll continue to educate sistas about obesity, and how to fight it. Finally, you asked what determines the 'right' weight. I'll answer that, based on my personal experience. I knew I was overweight when I could count the rolls of fat on my back, when I could no longer see my toes because my stomach was too big, when my thighs were raw from rubbing together as I walked, when I couldn't walk to the mall or run up a flight of subway stairs without becoming winded, and when I could no longer fit in a bus or train seat without more than 1/4 of my ass hanging in the seat next to me...or worse, all squashed up against a normal size person, who nine times out of ten, would be seething because I was incoveniencing them, and making MY personal problem THEIR personal problem. Obesity is NOT cute.User Detail :
Name : Rhonda-P-Outlaw19601, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Lutheran, Age : 44, City : Laurelton, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Account Rep, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,you are on a subject that i have extensive knowledge. I have date and screwed american black women, black equadorians, black arabs, somalians, djiboutis, ethiopians, black colombians, black domininicans, brazilians, egyptians, morocan, tunisians, madagascarans, hatians, hondurans and american mulatos. here is the rundown on multi ethinic black women. american black women are in a power struggle with the american black man. Many black women are terrified that american black men have more interest by other races (good and bad) then they have. black equadorians seem to lack the soul that american black, and jamaicans project in the media and have a lost identity. black arab women are very submissive. many of them are treated like crap. many of them will take anything. (unfortunately) Many somalians have been corrupted through hip hop and poverty. they are muslim but there minds are becoming more american. djiboutis are highly expose to french males for generations. Many perfer them. ethiopians are very religious or semi religious. my are still a little shy about sex. black colombians are the female version of the colombian men!!!!brazialians, dominicans, are being potrayed as sexual pin cushion by many ethnic groups. Moroccans are the arab worlds version of the brazilians. egyptians have a high self esteem of themself and claim thet they are racially different from the morrocans even though genetics states otherwise. tunisian look egyptian and some are black. many of them idolize italian an the french. The are similar to the morocans when it comes to acohol and sex. madagascar woman look asian and act asian. many have asian hair and slanted eyes. they are very peaceful. Hatian women are simmilar to american black woman. They can be loud and confrontational in public. Honduran black woman are treated like crap but they try to fight a losing battle for there respect unlike the black arab women. and lastly american molatos are always force to choose which side(parent is better). Most of them a beautiful but are artifically made to fell lest then that because of there darker and whiter peers.User Detail :
Name : cecil19749, City : detroit, State : MI Country : United States,
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