[Rebecca P]

For those people who believe sex is prohibited before marriage, how do you feel about those who don't feel the same way? And do you ever feel like giving into your desires?

User Detail :  

Name : Rebecca P, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Age : 21, City : Melbourne, State : NA Country : Australia, Occupation : Nursing Student, Social class : Middle class, 

[Jennifer]

I don't know whether or not I qualify, because I have been sexually active, but because of a spiritual awakening, I became abstinent. My conviction is to remain so until marriage. I guess that implies that I can't very well judge someone who hasn't made the same choice. I do, however, have opinions about people who are "promiscuous." I wonder about their self-esteem. I frown upon the cavalier treatment of something I consider sacred. I think about disease, unplanned pregnancy and the frequent emotional pain I perceive that people can suffer when they share their bodies with someone who doesn't love them.

With regard to temptation, certainly. I feel longing sometimes. I have a healthy sexuality. However, it will never go beyond fantasy, because I know I can't ever have a fulfilling sexual experience outside of a covenant made between myself, my husband and God. I should know, because I tried.

User Detail :  

Name : Jennifer, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 31, City : St. Paul, State : MN Country : United States, Occupation : Non-Profit, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Mike]

I think waiting is the hardest thing for me as a black male to do. Everyone, including members of the culture, have expectations and views about black males' sexuality that take it as a given that black males are at the mercy of their urges. Throw in the sexual consequences of slavery, and some people make it seem like black males are not expected to wait for marriage, that they should be pimps and players. I wish there were some reinforcement for the choices I have made. There's not much in the way of Christian books directed at black males, who face different issues than white males. It's hard, but I will persevere.

User Detail :  

Name : Mike, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 23, City : Chicago, State : IL Country : United States, Occupation : Ed. Admin. and Law School Student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[Stacey]

I feel that everybody has the ability to make choices for themselves. For me, the choice to not have sex until I'm married goes hand in hand with trying to live by the Bible and the standards God has shown us in the Bible. Therefore, I cannot expect people who don't believe in the Bible and God to simply abstain from sex. What I don't like is how commonplace it is for people to talk about non-marital sex as if it should be accepted by everybody. Or that people assume that you're having sex with the person you're dating. There was a time when I was sexually active, but when I studied the Bible and decided to try and live my life by God's standards, I knew having sex outside of the marital arrangement was not in harmony with these things. Yes, I do feel like giving into the desires to have sex, but I also know what it's like to have sex, and I know it's not worth damaging the relationship I have with God. I hope that other people can see that my living by God's standards isn't about what I can't have but what I can have. So while I don't agree with people having sex outside marriage, I appreciate that they have a mind and the ability to choose what they want.

User Detail :  

Name : Stacey, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jehovahs Witness, Age : 28, City : Boston, State : MA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Poro Poro]

I heard that a someone who is to get married in a Catholic church must make a vow that he/she is still a virgin. I can say in the North American culture, this is often not the case (i.e. IMO, many who take the vow are probably lying!) I don't have such a believe so I cannot represent those who do. However I believe in free choice and no one should be discrimated or thought of as a lesser person based on such. If they want to do what they want for their own reasons (and no one is harmed), I don't look down on them. I do agree though, that those who use sex as a means to validate their self-esteem has something to think about. Sex is just another way how two people communicate with each other, and ideally it should be with your spiritual partner.

User Detail :  

Name : Poro Poro, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Asian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 26, City : Toronto, State : NA Country : Canada, Occupation : Computer Programmer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Ronald-V29451]

Although I am well past the teen years, I remember the teen years, and the temptation for premarital sex is there for everyone, if they are honest with themselves. But temptation does not mean submission to our desires. God gives the strength to overcome temptation (1 Cor 10:13) There has no temptation taken you, but such as is common to man. But God is faithful and will not let you be tempted beyond what you are able... How do I feel about people who don't feel as I do? People who feel pre/extra marital sex is fine are ones whom I can't rely on. If I am struggling with temptation, I need to go to a likeminded person for support. As believers in God to whom we are accountable for our behaviour, we are to support one another in doing what is right, even in this age of what's right for you isn't necessarily right for me and vice versa. If I was on a diet, could I rely on a skinny dude to help me refrain from that delicious Danish? It is no extra flesh on their body if I eat that Danish.

User Detail :  

Name : Ronald-V29451, Gender : M, Religion : Christian, Age : 48, City : Edmonton, State : NA Country : Canada, 

[Simon J.]

For those people who have many sexual partners, the excuse offered is, 'I'm just having some fun,' when really that behavior says 'I can't bear to be alone.' Sometimes you have to experience a time when there are no partners in your life (or in your bed). How do you know just how resilient you can be if you haven't spent any time on your own? Waiting for the right moment and right person in my experience is the right thing to do - apart from anything else, you are not at risk from any diseases or any unwanted responsibilities. Just wait, OK?

User Detail :  

Name : Simon J., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Afro caribbean, Religion : Christian, Age : 28, City : London, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, Occupation : Adiminstrator, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 

[James]

I share some things in common w/ the other posters, but also have very different reasons for my decisions. I too was sexually active and am a Christian who attempts to live as God has directed. However, I find it difficult to abstain just because he says too. My past experiences have shown me that sex had often gotten in the way of what could have been great relationships by hampering the further development of our friendships. I don't look at people who feel different and think them evil or anything, but I do sometimes wonder how they can be doing such an intiment act so early in a relationship and still develop a meaningful, long term committment with the person. It's definitely more than I think I can do. As for desires, OH YEAH. There is no doubt. God created us with desires, and the ability to control our desires. This can lead to greater pleasure, but also greater frustration.

User Detail :  

Name : James, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 29, City : Wheaton, State : IL Country : United States, Occupation : Customer Service, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Jackie]

I feel concern about my friends who have sex outside of marriage, because I've seen many people that I care about get hurt that way. Depending on how well I know them, I may tell them my thoughts (just as I would want them to tell me if they have concerns about decisions I'm making). However, I don't look down on them or consider it to be too big of a deal (I get much more upset about a friend lying to me than a friend having sex with their boy/girlfriend). I would like to ignore this particular command sometimes. Sex sounds like a lot of fun, and it's frustrating sometimes to wait. I still feel like I've made the right decision, though (and I've done harder things than ignoring the urgings of my hormones).

User Detail :  

Name : Jackie, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 23, City : Tacoma, State : WA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Avalikia-K23414]

Not having sex until marrige is a part of my religion. Being Mormon in Utah, in an area where 95% of everyone is Mormon, ever since I knew what sex was, I knew that I should wait until I was married. I promised myself when I was very young that I would wait. How do I feel about those who choose differently? Well, the main feeling is that I'm sad. I'm sad that they chose to do that when it has many hard consequenses, found on a talk show near you. People get STDs, but more importantly, children can be born without two loving parents, and it's just not fair to them. Do I ever feel tempted? Not in the least. It's easy if you start young.

User Detail :  

Name : Avalikia-K23414, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Mormon, Age : 18, City : Prove, State : UT Country : United States, Occupation : Volunteer, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 

[Hayat]

You asked about those of us who 'believe sex before marriage is prohibited'. Firstly, my code of life is guided by religion, Islam, but I do not judge other people by their inability to follow to rules of my religion. That would be silly. I cannot expect everyone to believe in what I believe. Meaning, my view of people who condone sexual activity before marriage is not decided by my own religious doctrine. I understand that the popular culture celebrates the freedom of choice in that matter. That I guess is based on the secular/popular culture belief that life is all about having as much fun as possible before inevitable and final death. For those of us who follow the Judaic traditions, life is a test, and a test based on restraint and will. I view people who do not believe that life is a test as people who have yet to awake to the reality of this life. I cannot condemn them because its not my place. Islam teaches us to treat the sinner and the non-Muslim as potential Muslims, and that judgement is reserved for God alone. Do I ever feel like giving into my desires. Sure. But because I know I'm only human, I do my utmost to stay away from that which may tempt me. I don't date, which saves me from the whole physical aspect of pre-marital relations. And my religion is based on social order, so it also teaches us to abstain from pornography of all sorts, masturbation and obsessing over sexual things. There's no point in being abstinent if you're a mental sex fiend. I guess being abstinent is no different from deciding not to steal or lie. Its easy once you get started, but its best if you decide not to do it from the get-go. I think that if I had first been sexually active and then decided to be abstinent, it would have been hard. This way, I don't really care about what I'm missing. Not to mention, life isn't a race. I'm not out to get all the sex I can before I die. I'll get married one day and fulfill that part of life, but its not the core of my existence. Life is so much more than physical desire.

User Detail :  

Name : Hayat, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Muslim, Age : 19, City : Chicago, State : IL Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Chip]

I have a perspective that may be interesting to anyone. Think about it like this; Do you really enjoy it when your sexual partner cheats on you and you find out about it? Marriage is the sharing of life with another person. Complete and total absorption in the realtionship is essential to make it through those 'tough times'. When I daydream sometimes my thoughts drift to women I have shared this with in my past. Chances are this is not going to change in the future and I feel bad that my future wife will not be the only one I ever daydream about, whether I tell her or not. Another solid point is, when you share intercourse with someone else outside of the marriage you intend to keep, guess what, your new lover may not have the same qualities as your former lover and you will find yourself missing that from your past lovers. Once again, your marriage is tainted before you ever even met your spouse.

User Detail :  

Name : Chip, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 32, City : Ofallon, State : MO Country : United States, Occupation : tech, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Middle class, 

[Felicia-Salais21783]

In a culture where girls are expected to be virginal and guys to be masters of sexual conquest, I'm not surprised that there is still conflict over this issue. I see it like this- I myself have had 9 sexual partners. Some I wish I didn't, some I will treasure always ;). In the course of my sexual life, I picked up a herpes from someone I loved and trusted and unfortunately, now that I am married, I have passed it to my husband. While many people say that they abstain for religious reasons, I think that young people should at least be more discriminating about who they bump uglies with for health reasons. Had I known then what I know now, my number of sexual partners would be drastically reduced. As a bit of helpful advice, condoms will protect you from most STD's but herpes is a tricky one. As for the marriage thing... it would suck to be married to someone who doesn't satisfy you sexually- but everyone can be taught.

User Detail :  

Name : Felicia-Salais21783, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Hispanic and White, Religion : I just believe in God :), Age : 23, City : Phoenix, State : AZ Country : United States, Occupation : Homemaker/Mother, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Lower middle class, 

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