[Me21898]

I'd have to say it would stop me from marrying. I place raising a family as an important future part of my life, and I would not want to give that up. If I had to, I'd probably resent my wife, and that could destroy a marriage. On the flip side, if she agreed to have children just to appease me, she'd resent me and the children, which is worse than the first.

User Detail :  

Name : Me21898, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 25, City : San Francisco Bay Area, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Crystal]

I am not interested in having children - never have been and at this point probably never will be. However, I would love to marry someday, and I get along well with 'other people's children'. My question for straight and bisexual men, if you knew that the woman you were with either could not have children or did not want them, how would that affect your feelings for her? Would that stop you from marrying her, all other things being equal?

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Name : Crystal, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 30's, City : Oakland, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Office manager, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Andrew]

Having a family was important for me, and if my future spouse wasn't interested, no matter how much I loved her I'd have to reconsider. How could you live with someone you'd resent for the rest of your life?

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Name : Andrew, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 35, City : Huntington, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Reporter, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Lizzy]

I'd like to thank you for stating that, as a modern woman, you don't desire children. I have no plans for them, and although I think it is perfectly normal to want them, I think too many women are pushed into motherhood because it's what we are supposed to want. But to the question at hand, it seems that many men are in need of breeding children, but I know many men (including mine) who have no real desire for children.

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Name : Lizzy, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 19, City : Orlando, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[CP19374]

I have had to face this question, from the perspective of a woman involved with a man who does not want children. It comes down to this: which is greater, your love for this person or your desire to have children? Although I would have liked to have children, my love for my husband is greater than anything else. If you love someone, you sometimes have to make sacrifices. Anyway, I don't need children to be fulfilled.

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Name : CP19374, Gender : F, City : Montreal, Quebec, State : NA Country : Canada, 

[Gregg]

This is just one issue of many that a couple must talk about in their dating relationship before lifelong commimments are made to each other. There is nothing wrong with not wanting children, and it's perfectly normal to enjoy other people's kids.

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Name : Gregg, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, City : Washington, D.C., State : DC Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Gordon-P]

I would find it a great thing because I also don't have any great desire to have children. I know a lot of people (men and women) feel that having children is an important part of their lives, but I wonder how many really feel this way, and how many feel that way because they are "supposed to."

I think choosing not to have children is wonderful. I just wish society was more tolerant of the choice. And I have it good. As a 30-plus male with no children or relationship, society just sees me as odd. Unfortunately, we still live in a society that, at a deeper level, feels that women are supposed to make babies, and those who don't are somehow "wrong."

All that said, I think finding a person with the same basic beliefs is very important. Children or not is right up there with religion and politics as something than can lead to much strife when two people take opposite sides. As someone else said, talk about it. Find out not just how each of you feels, but why.

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Name : Gordon-P, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 32, City : Sunnyvale, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Designer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Kathleen]

I also had to choose between the man I loved and my desire for children. My boyfriend convinced me that raising children together would cause friction between us and perhaps ruin our relationship. I decided on the everlasting love and companionship of the man. We married. Fourteen years later, he walked out, leaving me without his love and too old to start a family with anyone else. I envy my divorced friends who have children. They had love and motherhood. Be wary of excluding possibilities from your life, I would advise. There are plenty of men out there who want to be fathers. Why not give yourself a chance to double your happiness?

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Name : Kathleen, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 41, City : Silicon Valley, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Manager, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Kerry]

Having children or not having them should definitely be talked about at some point in a relationship. A lot of men and women do not want children, and it makes for less stress if you agree. I think it's a problem that women are not encouraged to think about whether they want children or not. It's assumed you do and that something is wrong with you if you don't. And many of us have children but don't actually want them - or have them way too young.

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Name : Kerry, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 29, City : Ventura, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Anonymous23720]

Wouldn't the two of you have discussed your feelings about children, religion and a host of other important issues sometime before the discussion of marriage? There are men and women who have no interest in having children. If this is important to you, I'd think you'd bring this up with your partner before the relationship got too serious. Before the relationship progresses beyond casual dating, bring the subject up.

I believe many of us thought we wanted what we believed was expected of us. For women, it's the desire to marry and have children. There's a lot of pressure to conform, and I believe that unconsciously, many of us do it without questioning if we'd like something else. That's been my experience. The irony is that I've always been told that I buck the status quo. Well, apparently not in all cases. I have children, but honestly I can say in hindsight that if I had given more thought about my own desires and needs, I would not have had children. I love my kids, but knowing myself better now, I know that raising children was never something I viewed as fulfilling. Try saying this publicly and be prepared for the backlash.

Some of us should not be parents. We're not bad people, we're simply people who could better affect others' lives without creating them.

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Name : Anonymous23720, Gender : F, Age : 30's, City : Farmington, State : MI Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[Steven M.]

Finding a woman who admitted to not wanting children worked out best for me. I have never had any desire to have children. I would make a terrible parent (lack of patience, no worthy role-models, etc.). One college girlfriend I was going to marry didn't want children right away, but ultimately she did want them. I knew I would probably go along with it for various reasons. We broke up over other things, though. The next person I found happened to agree with me about not having children. We were under constant subtle and not-so-subtle pressure to have kids. Fortunately we both stuck to our choice. Eventually, after about 10 to 15 years, people realized we were serious. All in all, for us, it has worked out well.

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Name : Steven M., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 49, City : Alamo, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Systems analyst, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Karen L.]

I too choose not to have children. I have found it very difficult to find a man who doesn't want a child. I have been judged harshly by men and women about my choice. It's not that I don't like children, it's that I choose to not have them. I would some day like to be remarried. I think it will be hard to find a man with my same ideas.

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Name : Karen L., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Disability : Cerebral palsy, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Spiritual, Age : 34, City : Ft Lauderdale, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : Techinical Support, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[J. I.]

The issue of children should be settled by the time a man and woman consider themselves to be 'with' each other. There should also be a conversation about how the two of you would respond in the event of an unintended pregnancy. It's delusional to insist that your potential partner would be perfect if only he/she wanted kids. Either they do or they don't - and everyone has a right to want whatever it is they want. What if you were to meet someone who already has children, along with child-care obligations that would almost certainly affect your relationship? The essential thing is to see things as they actually are, not as they would be "if only..."

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Name : J. I., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 56, City : Atlanta, State : GA Country : United States, Occupation : Voiceover, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Carll B.]

I have met my match! I have the same opinion on kids as you do, exactly. My girl wants them, and it's a big fight. I had six siblings, and they all have their own, and that's enough for me. I want kids like I want to smoke - never. It doesn't cross my mind. So, there is a guy out there for you. I would be one, except I live with a girl - even though she walked out on me and then came back a week later.

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Name : Carll B., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 36, City : Cincinnati, State : OH Country : United States, Occupation : Electrician, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 

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