[Kristina26289]

Why do some black women act so catty and gossipy toward other women? It is really annoying dealing with these ghetto types. Some in the black community say you deal with these folks by 'joaning' back at them, which basically entails pointing out their foibles just like they did to you. But depending on how ghetto they are, doing things like this could result in getting in a fight or worse. Anyway, it is getting to the point now that I just don't even feel comfortable around a throng of young blacks, particularly those that prescribe to society's image of what black culture is, because I'm so afraid they're going to verbally accost me. And they seem to like to target me because I'm quiet and nerdy. I've even had some of them call me 'retarded' because I didn't act loud and outspoken like them.

User Detail :  

Name : Kristina26289, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Age : 23, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Occupation : Homemaker, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[JessTsab]

Thats a good question. I came from a small town and for me to go to the military it was a culture shock to me. My bootcamp chief was a ghetto black woman. I just learned to stop listening to it all. If you show it doesnt get to you, they usually quit. In which case they dont, I found if you start hangin out with them, you understand them better and vice versa, and once a close friendship is made you will begin acting like each other in certain aspects. Everyone has to compromise. I compromised by becoming a little ghetto myself, which isnt a bad thing. But lots of my friends talk civilly to others now too. Itll all work out in the end.

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Name : JessTsab, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 20, City : Norfolk, State : VA Country : United States, Occupation : Military Police, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Rhonda-P-Outlaw30013]

...you know what. I'm not buying what you're trying to sell YForum, sis. I've been a Black woman for 42 years and seven months, and I've NEVER experienced all this mess you're talking about...in fact, most sistas treat me very well. Now of course, I've run up on the ocassional 'catty' sista, but I've also run up on the ocassional catty WHITE woman, HISPANIC woman, etc...WOMEN of all ethnic groups can be catty. And I fail to see what being 'ghetto' as you put it, has anything to do with it. Educated sistas with money sistas (yes, they do exist) can be catty, too. Judging from the 'superior' tone of your thread, I can very easily see why you might not be liked...and even picked on...because you come off as a pompous, full of yourself, head up your ass snit, who thinks she's better than other Black women. In any case, I resent you, a Black woman, coming on a forum such as this, and 'dissing' an entire group of women, because of your bad experiences with a few Black women...experiences, judging from your attidude, you asked for. Try being nicer, and see the responses you get.

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Name : Rhonda-P-Outlaw30013, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Lutheran, Age : 42, City : Laurelton, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Account Rep, Education level : 2 Years of College, 

[cocoa31986]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that Kristina, just by your written entry you appear to be a nice person. Let me just tell you that I can relate to you and I know what you've been through. All throughout high school I have been the target of constant teasing and most of the aggressors were the black kids, especiallly the black girls. I have never wanted to hang and be like other black people because they're loud, ghetto-acting, hostile, and downright bullies. I am the exact opposite which is why I was often targeted. I have blamed myself for what happened to me and I realized that I'm not the problem they were. It all stems from insecurity, females are naturally each other worse enemies and competitors. Women always feel a need to verbally undermine others females I believe its a hardwired trait built in to seek out the best mates for reproductive purposes. So competition brings out the worse in people. Black females I feel have an inferiority complex regarding hair texture and skin color so they have more insecurities so they try to cut your head off so that they can hold theirs up. There is confusion on what it means to be black: loud, ignorant, tacky and fakes ass hair weaves, and trying to squeeze into tight shorts with cellulite bubbling over and when you're not like that you're often targeted. Kristina be strong and know you're not the problem. I too don't like to befriend my fellow blacks. I know people don't like what I'm saying but it's the truth.

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Name : cocoa31986, City : tampa, State : FL Country : United States, 

[Lauren]

Kritina I think the problem lies in the fact that some black women are jealous and down right scandalous when it comes to other black women or other women in general. Unfotunately they just don't know any better and don't care to. It's been my experience through out my entire life that I should take a back seat to other black women for fear of being 'called out' for being light skinned and/or smarter than my black female counterparts. This has led to me being far less out going in the black girlfriend department. Or girlfriend of any race for that matter. I truely have only one best friend and I couldn't ask for anyone better than her. I don't think that you 'joaning' them will get you any where but where they are which is nowhere anybody wants to be. They are nothing but insecure and catty women with nothing better to do than to try and bring you down to their level. Move on and don't allow them to steal your joy.

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Name : Lauren, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Native American, Black, White, Religion : Non-denominational, Age : 24, City : Rockville, State : MD Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[XX]

Don't reserve cattiness just for black women...I know plenty of white women, white men, Hispanics, etc,etc who can gossip with the best of them. I don't believe this is a racial characteristic, but more of a personality flaw.

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Name : XX, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 40, City : Ocala, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : jockey, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Dianna Wallace]

its ok to feel this way to a point becuase you dont know whats realy going on. Ghetto women are just that ghetto but not all women from the ghetto or hood are like that. i was borne and raised in the hood and becuase of the positive women around me i know how to be a lady the reason these girls act the way they do is becuase they have had no positive role modles and they act like that they see on tv and here in songs. And as kids we constanly joaned on each other for fun so its just something we do as adults most of the time its all ment in fun but most people just dont understand that. for instance one of my friends who is white came to the club with me and she was looking a hot mess. i said to her 'you look like who did it and why and dont do it again, i'ma need you to go take that ugly ass shirt of cuzz you look a hot mess.' it wasnt ment to hurt her feelings but it was more of a positive way of telling her she looked a mess. But there is some truth to why black women dont nessasarily get along with each other or other races of woman. To keep it simple females dont trust females. this is something that is instilled in us at a young age. You dont trust Females. And as far as white females i thing alot of black girls shy away or come off defensive becuase of the way were were raised. White girls are just raised so much diffrently everything is happy and giddy and friends are huggy and kissy and black girls just dont like all that contact. were more like 'DONT TOUCH ME' we can hug but only every once in a while. So just dont take things so seriously and relax you will know when somebody is talking about you fo real and for play and if you dont like it dont be afraid to speek up and tell them to stop.

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Name : Dianna Wallace, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 19, City : Kansas City, State : MO Country : United States, Occupation : college student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[Coquinegra]

I work around white women and I can assure you they are just as catty toward each other. Like it or not, quick verbal skill is part of the Black community's history. There's a reason why rap and jazz came from our community, my little sister. We live in the same general area, and I know you can find many different types of AfrAm women (and men) with whom you can feel comfortable. I used to be quiet and nerdy, too...and I have lots of quiet and nerdy friends, and many of them are AfrAm.

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Name : Coquinegra, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 39, City : DC Suburbs, State : MD Country : United States, Occupation : college professor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Tracyee]

Your best bet is to ignore those ignorant females, walk away with your head held high. These type of people are looking for trouble and seek out the meek and mild to get their jollies.

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Name : Tracyee, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 34, City : Glassboro, State : NJ Country : United States, Occupation : computer tech, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Nicole]

As you said, this is a certain type of female (I know some white ones who are the same way)and you don't have to associate with them. You don't seem to have any respect for them so I wouldn't expect them to respect you. If you give the impression that you are better than them they would get catty with you, but if you show respect they will respect you.

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Name : Nicole, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 20, City : Tallahassee, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : College student, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[StilBil]

I believe this is nothing new, it may be more prevelant today that years past. It is part of some deep seed inferiority issues, whereas lashing out at those that are different from them makes them feel adequate. This was one of the reasons of blackspeak originating from the inner city or ghetto environment. U sound different, look different, or simply act different. The difference is usually related to education or lack there of. To be frank with U, U are absolutely right, at some point U will be attacked. That's because even though U may live in a community setting among them, U are of a different tribe so to speak. My younger sister went through this in the neighborhood we grew up in. They jumped on her because she was being bused to schools outside the neighborhood and didn't socialize with them on their level enough to be one of them. There's not much U can do as an individual about this, if U were to examine your household and theirs, U would begin to see the roots of where it comes from. In ones life, it is very important to not ignore your sense of perception, it could mean life or death on the streets. With that said, acknowledge them while in their presence, keep stepping, learn to circle yourself with positive people period and U will be fine! Count it all Joy!

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Name : StilBil, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 52, City : Temecula, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : IT Consultant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Ayanna]

It's sad, but some black women still feel the need to compete amongst themselves for a lot of things: men, better jobs, attention, whatever. When people in general feel insecure about themselves, it's easier to find others to help spread the misery---or they just spread it themselves in the form of 'joaning', as you call it. There is nothing wrong with being quiet and/or nerdy. What matters is that you stay true to yourself and continue to show respect for yourself and others. When these people see that it isn't easy to rattle you, their comments will subside because it will require too much energy to persist.

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Name : Ayanna, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 32, City : Atlanta, State : GA Country : United States, Occupation : Implementation Support Specialist, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[G.K.]

Yeah, I had to deal with people like that when I was your age and younger,but you know what? Forget them and what they think--some ghetto folks are like that because they're young,immature,and of course,haven't got any common sense or manners and aren't happy unless they're starting mad drama/or major chaos. I would suggest just ignoring them,because apparently these kind of people think that if you don't act exactly like them,you aren't 'black' enough,and they might even be jealous because you have the guts to be exactly you are, and they don't. You also have to learn to pick your battles--if one of them gets all up in your face to the point where you feel that you have to defend yourself physically,then do what you feel you have to do. I'm not advocating violence here--honestly, I hate fighting myself and would just rather walk away instead. Anyway,just ignore them,because most of the time people like that will accost just to show off in front of their friends,or because they just wan't to be seen. Good luck (I'm a former nerd myself!)

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Name : G.K., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 35, City : Detroit, State : MI Country : United States, Occupation : Security Guard, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[brenda28929]

It's not just black women, all women are catty and like to gossip.

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Name : brenda28929, City : orlando, State : FL Country : United States, 

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