[Mimi]

Why do men seem to find it difficult to relate to a woman emotionally (in a friendship or potential romantic situation) if they do not have a strong physical attaction to the woman? Is it just the way they are wired, or is it a willful decision on their part? Is there anything a woman can do to make this a less frustrating and hurtful experience?

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Name : Mimi, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Born-again Christian, Age : 45, City : Brick, State : NJ Country : United States, Occupation : County Government worker, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Murray C.]

Just tell us what you want!

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Name : Murray C., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Unitarian, Age : 31, City : Halifax, Nova Scotia, State : NA Country : Canada, Occupation : Draftsman, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Middle class, 

[Oisin19960]

I have no problem in relating to women emotionaly no matter who they are. Many men don't. To generalise in this way i can only presume you've had a couple of bad experiences

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Name : Oisin19960, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 24, City : London, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Rick29786]

Most people, men and women, desire a romantic relationship with someone they find physically attractive. I don't know if it's cultural or genetic, but I do know our society considers sexual fulfillment to be an important part of any romantic relationship. I don't think most men could have a satisfying physical relationship with someone they didn't find physically attractive. Men seem to be more visual than women when it comes to sex. I don't think it has anything to do with insecurity or immaturity. As for friendship, I can tell you that I have many women friends to whom I am not even slightly attracted physically.

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Name : Rick29786, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, City : Springfield, State : OH Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[BB23279]

I have noticed (and been hurt by) this phenomenon all my life. However, I have made a few observations that I hope will make you feel better. Men who are like this are usually young and insecure. The few older men who do it have very few friends and are emotionally immature. So essentially you wouldn't want these people as your friends anyway. I know women do behave in the same way - at least when I went to school they did (even more so than the boys). I think the fact that I haven't noticed them as an adult is because I only talk to and surround myself with people who are friendly from the start.

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Name : BB23279, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 26, City : Edinburgh, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, Occupation : PhD, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Sean]

I think that men have a hard time relating to women they're not physically attracted to because of the subliminal training that we've encountered our whole life. Just like a lot of women have a preconceived idea of what beauty is, men have the idea that an attractive woman is a measure of his success. It's a boost of his ego to hang around beautiful women. This is true, even in a friendship. Because, in the back of his head, he wonders if it will develop into something more.

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Name : Sean, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 25, City : Las Vegas, State : NV Country : United States, Occupation : Designer, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[greg21551]

Men and women are different, I have been married for 8yrs, and at time were at odds we dealing with emotions with my wife. Men and women relay our emotion in different ways, men (seam) to be cold or uncaring when deal with our emotion or of others. Women use feelings when relaying emotions and well as you can probable tell by my writing men tend to be logical and analytical. My wife and I bought a book Called (Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus) at first we thought it was rather silly to have bought a book of that kind, but after reading the first few chapters it all made lots of sense to us especial the way men and women differ concerning our emotions

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Name : greg21551, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 34, City : yorktown, State : VA Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, 

[Alex J.]

This is your fault. Every woman I know who complains of this has several traits in common:
1) Limited contact. You're 26, so chances are you're not in school. You won't be meeting any men there. You don't sound happy, so I'd wager you're not in a job you like, so any men you meet there you probably can't relate to. Now, where do you meet men? The men who can relate to women do not hang out in the following places: bars, dance clubs, etc. You may meet some at the gym, but odds are they're not the ones flexing in front of the mirrors.
2) Dumb standards. Women complain about men being superficial, but you are just as bad (if not worse because you're hypocrites) as we are. You're not going to find a man who can relate if you only speak to men with nice butts. I don't mean purely physical ones, either. A man who spends all his time watching French cinema isn't demonstrating emotional depth; he's demonstrating an appreciation for French cinema.
3) Just friends. This is the most common pattern I see women with similar complaints follow: Meet man. Relate to man. Become good friends with man. Act shocked and surprised when man likes you. Insist on being just friends to keep from losing man's friendship. Avoid man because being with a friend who likes you is 'too weird.' Lose friend.
I suggest developing a hobby and joining a community group that sponsors it (i.e. rock-climbing, book discussion, etc.).

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Name : Alex J., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, Age : 17, City : Elkins Park, State : PA Country : United States, Occupation : High School student, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 

[Kerry]

I'm not sure, but my husband has the same issue with my girlfriend. I love her for her compassion, her energy, her eyes, etc. She is not what the society sees as attractive, so he doesn't want anythign to do with her. I think she wouldn't mind him. He likes her friend tho, who is what is generally deemed attractive, even though she has no maturity. Thus, even though she's cute, I can't be with her.

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Name : Kerry, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 29, City : Ventura, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[M.M.]

While immaturity and insecurity are certainly a factor, often men don't relate emotionally with anyone, male or female. Male friends don't expect it (and, except under unusual circumstances, it would make them uncomfortable), but sometimes female friends do. As a general rule, male friends aren't going to open up emotionally unless there is some romantic involvement and the walls come down. Possibly it is misplaced expectations that make the situation frustrating and hurtful.

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Name : M.M., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 36, City : Los Angeles, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Manager, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[J-Bartholoma19693]

I'm a guy, and personaly I have one friend who is a girl who i relate to emotionaly. We've had some similar experiences, and grew somewhat close during a seven hour project binge. After that, we just grew closer and are each others emotional confiders.

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Name : J-Bartholoma19693, Gender : M, Age : 15, City : Bloomfield HIlls, State : MI Country : United States, 

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