[prbeck]

Katie, you are not alone. I too have lived in the painful dark, black pit. I have lived there and survived it. It is something I hope never to go back to, but something I will always remember.

The dark place is your mind. No place on Earth can ever equal the pure hell that your own mind can put you through. There is nothing I can say or do that would put you in a different place. I really wish I had the magic key, but your hell is different from my hell. All I can tell you is that you can defeat it.

All my life I felt like an alien being. I watched people around me living petty lives that made no sense. I watched them hurt each other for no other reason than the fact that they could. My parents did not understand me, the things that I did or the way that I thought. My ‘friends’ all decided I was insane and doubted my survival on this earth. Most of all I doubted the same. Many times I actively tried to hurry up the short time I had decided that I had on the earth. Miraculously, I never managed to kill myself, though I tried many times. I wrecked several cars in such a way that I never should have survived, let alone walk away without a scratch. I still have knife wounds on my wrists from sawing away at them until I passed out from the pain.

I survived it. One day I walked out of my mind. I decided that, although not perfect, I would make peace with my body and my mind. It was a struggle, but I finally got there. I even like myself some now, even though I still curse my shortcomings. It was a day of incredible relief.

You too can do it. If you need help to do so, seek it. Do not worry about what people will think of you. People will go back to their lives whether you find yourself or not. It does not matter in your life what people think of you. What truly matters is only what YOU think of you.

I hope you make it. This world needs more sensitive people. People who care are too rare in life. It is people like you who will try to reach out to other suffering people. The ones who have suffered are the only ones who can realize what other sufferers are going through. People like you are killing themselves every day to protect the world from themselves. In reality, the world is in need of more people like you.

User Detail :  

Name : prbeck, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 52, City : Birmingham, State : AL, Country : United States, Occupation : researcher, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,