June 11, 2001 at 12:00 am #14809
Have you explored your deeply-felt personal reasons for wanting this conversion? I was just like you described yourself: I strongly desired to convert, read everything I could about Judaism, and really believed I ought to have been born Jewish. In the process of self-discovery, I found out something profound and unexpected. (I'm not going to go into detail about what it was.) After finding it out, I was able to come to terms with not being Jewish. I still considered converting but it was no longer an all-consuming need like it had been. It was a tremendous piece of self-insight, and if I'm not mistaken, I bet you'll come across something like it yourself. When you do, please remember you're not the only one. Lots of others are walking the same path, and can be found online or in real life if you know who to ask. Remember to listen to yourself, take life slowly and nurture yourself. Sorry to others if this post sounds a bit rambling and oblique.